A Defensive Lament

I was recently told that I embarrassed myself. I didn't know that I had embarrassed myself, but I did and was graciously told what I did. I did it too, guilty as charged!

It's true, you can take a boy out of managing a bar, have him work in higher education for ten years, send him to seminary for over three, and put him in the pulpit for seven more years and when the $#it hits the fan, well, you get the point.

It's been a tough few months here at Chez Paul et Marie. A couple of weekends ago it got to me and I dropped a few "F" bombs in places they did not need dropping. The biggest problem with people who "overhear" stuff is that context is invariably lost. I was in a bad place personally, I was asked to share, and I did so with a strafing motion. It was all directed at myself (which isn't particularly healthy, but that's for another post), but when folks overhear and all they see is the bomb, they don't know how or why it's falling.

I confess my sin and I thank the person who shared it with me. I will also add that once the grapevine reported to her she told me. I honor her for that because it wasn't easy, she told me so. She did what others would not, she told me.

So, what did she do right?

• She came to me calmly.
• She told me what's what.
• She came in care and concern and love and honor and respect not just for me but for the people who shared with her.

What could I say but thank you?

I lament and I regret my potty mouth. That's a fact. The bad news is this is as close to a direct apology I can make because I don't know who's talking about me behind my back. Is this the "defensive" part? Maybe. Have I got more? Yes, but that's just me trying to get my camel through the eye of the needle.

All I can ask now is that you forgive me

I Met an Angel. His Name Was Earl.

This is an odd story, as many stories are. I suspect that if all stories were "normal" there would really be no point to recording or repeating them. This is the story of an angel named Earl. I'll let you decide if this story is worth recording or repeating.

Last Wednesday afternoon I had a meeting with my Spiritual Director. (Spiritual directors are folks who "who share a commitment to the art of contemplative spiritual compassionate listening." This statement comes from the Spiritual Director's International Website along with much more information about Spiritual Direction.

He asked me about how I had been blessed lately. I talked about my second anniversary at the church (celebrated on Monday October 1) and about other stuff, but there have been so many stresses in my life lately that sometimes the blessings get buried under the dung. It's like one comes like fairy dust and the other comes in a bulldozer. Can I get an "Amen"?

Not long after the Spiritual Director left a man rang the church doorbell. There was a black man at the door, maybe in his late 20's but looking much older, and having told us he could not read or write-his voice sounded like someone who could not read or write. (No problem though, his mamma could read it to him.) On top of it all, he was illiterate-he knew some of the stories but he had no idea what they were called or where to find them.

I hate using what we called in Kansas "discouraging words," but it was true. He was dirty. His clothes were in tatters. He looked and sounded like a walking-talking stereotype. Then again, this might have been a part of some sort of test. More on that in a couple.

When I answered the door, he said that he was sent over to us from another because he was looking for some bibles. I said "Sure" and headed toward the chapel. Georgia, the church secretary, offered to go and get some from the spares stored in the choir room. That was perfect, as Georgia frequently is. So he came into my study while Georgia went to the choir room for four bibles. I also gave him a Gideon's New Testament-Psalms-Proverbs book. He asked for three of those. No problem, there are plenty more where that came from.

He asked me to mark some things for him. He asked me to mark "that place where it says 'the Lord is my shepherd.'" No problem, the 23rd Psalm coming right up! By this time Georgia got to my office with the other bibles and she started marking them. He also wanted that story of the guy who "Satan took everything he had but God returned it seven times. "No problem, the book of Job coming right up!

This is when Georgia had to leave. She had a appointment. No problem, that was in the works all week.

This is when Earl made a less direct request. He said that he was watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) the other day and they mentioned a scripture "where God brings two people together who have nothing in common, but it blesses them both."

I thought about it for a moment. By this time I had begun to believe Earl was a soul God placed in my day so I could see that I could be a blessing and be blessed-kind of the on the nose about what my Spiritual Director was saying.

I told Earl that I didn't know the verse they used on TBN or what they were talking about, but I wanted to share Hebrews 13:2, "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." (NIV) I told him that he was a blessing in my life; he was the man I needed to see that day. So I marked it in the bible he handed me and that's when it got weird.

Suddenly, Earl's complete demeanor changed. He stood taller. His eyes were more clear. His voice took on a power and command I sure didn't expect. He gave me a blessing. I don't know exactly what it was because I was so taken aback that I didn't hear everything he said. What I did get was when he said "We won't see each other again for a long time, but we will see each other again," and that's where it got fuzzy again.

As he started to leave he dropped one of the small Gideon testaments, and when he went to pick it up the moment was over. His old voice returned as he said "Whoops."

It's said that the vast majority of people never have a spiritual experience while in church. Well, I had mine that day. I met a man who seemed to shrug off a human facade like I take off my shirt. He blessed me and told me that we will meet again one day. He spoke in a voice of peace and authority that I haven't ever heard from another human being. Was it an angel named Earl? I think so. I just pray that when you need to meet your angel, the experience will be as wonderful as when I met Earl.

God bless us everyone!
Amen.