Playing and Passing it on

Last night I was reminded of a story from my youth. Really there was no good reason to be reminded of this story, but I remembered it with a smile and I have so few of them I felt it was worth sharing.

When I was little and we would go to visit my Grandmother in Mexico, MO. When we got there I would immediately go next door to visit Kenny, the son of the next door neighbor. He was about six or seven years older than me and we would play. We'd play football or tag or just go to the park across the street. He made me my first pair of stilts and watched me bruise my knees and elbows until I finally found my balance. Success was sweet. It was a good time and what was fun was that this was an older guy letting me hang out with him. Good fun.

Eventually he got older. This meant girls and cars and a job and less time for me. I was sad, but I was getting older and I understood. I was kind of sad, but I understood. That was when I met his little cousin Matt.

I was about six or seven years older than Matt and when I would come to town we would play together. We'd play football or tag or just go to the park across the street. More than anything else though, we'd wrassle around a lot. I'd let him crawl all over me, try out new holds and find his balance and his strength. It was a good time and what was fun was that he found an older guy who was letting him hang out. Good fun.

And he became an All-State Wrestler in Missouri.

When we were in our twenties, I was sitting on his grandfather's front porch, Kenny's front porch so long ago, and he told me how much fun it was playing so long ago. He asked why I did it. He asked what he could do to pass it on. I told him about Kenny. I asked him if he did the same thing with a little brother or cousin or neighbor and he said yes, he did. I told him he passed it on without even knowing it. Shoot, I passed it on and didn't know I was passing it on. I was just playing.

So here's the thing. Be in the moment. Play. You may be passing on something you don't even know you're passing on. As for Kenny, was he passing it on or did he start a ball rolling that may still be rolling today? The only answer I have for this is yes, and I'm glad he did.

Pastor Paul's September 13 Newsletter Article

Here's my article for the Federated Flash, the newsletter of The Federated Church in Weatherford, Oklahoma!

Paul’s Letter to the Church at Weatherford

Reading the announcements in last Sunday’s bulletin, you saw this…

Monday, September 19
6:00 pm Preliminary Budget Meeting—If you have anything for the 2017 Budget, please get it to Pastor Paul, Bruce Magill, or Suzy Maness by Sunday September 18.

First off, don’t let the image put you off, it’s true, budget work is God’s work, Christ’s work, the work of the church. I would tell people I loved statistics because it took numbers and translated them into English. “Yes, based on all of this gobbled-gook there is a 20% chance of rain.” That’s just statistics and weather and the percent chance your picnic will be rained out. (We’ll leave the statistics on how trustworthy the meteorologist is for another day.)

Budgets are just how we translate how we do the work of the church into dollars and cents. How much did it cost to heat and cool the church building and parsonage last year and how much do we estimate it will cost this year? How much do we send to the three denominations so they can do their work? How much money do we send to missions? Do we tithe? How much does it actually cost to have a pastor? Is there more than salary? What does it cost to run Positive Pathways? How much does Ronda make? Do we even pay Ronda? (The answer to that one is “not this year,” she volunteers and puts money into the program.) What do we get from… well, what do we get?

These are all good questions, and deserve good answers, so here’s the Board’s tentative time frame:

Monday, September 19—Pastor Paul, Treasurer Bruce Magill, and Board Chair Suzy Maness will review the budget from 2016 with an eye to 2017. If you have any suggestions of things you want to do in 2017, let’s say a yoga class in the Fellowship Hall, a Music Program in the Sanctuary, or a Bible Study, put something in writing and share it with one or all of us! This is a closed meeting, we’re going over numbers and not making any hard decisions.

Monday, October 3—Board Meeting This is the meeting where the Board will review the budget. All Committee Chairs are board members so they have voice and vote. Make sure your suggestions are in so considerations can be made! If you have a suggestion that falls outside of the normal structure, find an advocate on the board, it’s the best way!

Sunday in late October or early November to be decided: The board has not decided on what day the budget will be presented.  

Sunday November 20—Consecration Sunday That’s the day we put ourselves in the offering. That’s the day we pledge to offer what we have of our time, talent, and treasure to make this ministry plan happen. Because the budget is a ministry plan the way an accountant sees it.

So like the statue says, Church budgets are Christ’s work too. We must treat them like they are the work of God to do the work of the Church to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ, because if it’s not, we’re just a Sunday Social Club and there are better ways to spend a Sunday morning if that’s all we are. But I say we’re more than a social club, we’re the Body of Christ, so…

See you in Church, Paul

Pastor Paul's Letter to the Church at Weatherford, August 9th

Here is my newsletter article from August 9th, I pray you find it enlightening and amusing.

Pastor Paul’s Letter to the Church at Weatherford

Have you ever been told you had a bad idea? I mean a really bad idea, the kind of idea that, in the words of George Carlin, will “rot your mind, curve your spine, and lose the war for the allies?” I say “Fear not!” Admittedly I can’t offer this with the promises of Christ, but I offer it as a follower of Christ.

Recently I have disliked my Facebook feed because of the political content, but this picture has made it worthwhile. I don’t know where it originated. Several fellow pastors posted it. And it is worthy.

Don’t you agree? If “Sharknado” isn’t a dumb idea, then nothing is.

We have to remember this, not every suggestion is right for every time and place. If a bride and groom were to sit down with me and ask when it’s appropriate to send in the clowns I would consider that improper for a worship service. For a Spring Festival, that would be different. Clowns would make better sense… unless you believe there is no good time for clowns in which case… yada, yada, yada.

Some ask why we are sending out cards to people on the prayer list. It’s because a member of the congregation asked why we aren’t doing something like sending cards to people on the prayer list. “We pray for them, let’s let them know they are in our prayers and on our hearts.” I said “let’s do it!” So we are.

So, is there something on your heart? It could well be the Holy Spirit gnawing at you to get something started in the congregation or the community. Come to me, come to a board member and remember, there are no dumb ideas, there are only Sharknadoes waiting to happen.

See you in church, Pastor Paul

Pastor Paul's July 12 Federated Flash Article

Dear Friends in Christ,

Chris Baker is a student at Garrett Evangelical Seminary in Louisville. He wrote this for his Facebook page and it is currently making the rounds on the interwebs. I haven’t found anyone who has said this in such a sound theological manner so instead of trying, I will use his words. To clarify, derailment is the act of using a counterargument or counter assertion to derail a conversation from the original point:

I saw yet another ‪#‎AllLivesMatter‬ derailment this morning, and it made me want to scream. Or, rather, it made me want to scream this: 

‬‬
When, in the Beatitudes, Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor," you don't shout "Everyone's blessed!" When Jesus says "Blessed are the hungry," you don't shout "Everyone's blessed!" When Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn," you don't shout "Everyone's blessed!" You don't, I hope, because you understand that Jesus declares these people blessed precisely because they never have been. Their society never blessed them. The proverbial powers that be never blessed them. Their neighbors never blessed them. No one blessed them. No one considered them blessed, worthy of blessing. Their lives, in other words, never mattered.

I hope, too, that you understand what happens next in the Gospel of Luke. The blessings are followed by curses. Woe to the rich, who have enriched themselves at the expense of the poor. Woe to the full, who have engorged themselves at the expense of the hungry. Woe to those who are laughing now, in the face of the grief and misery of others. Jesus has flipped the script. Out is in. In is out. Down is up. Up is down. And ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ precisely because they haven't, and in your derailment they still don't. Biblically and theologically speaking, that's some dangerous ground you're occupying.

Now for what he doesn’t say, all lives don’t matter. He’s saying that according to the Gospel of Luke, the powerless will be blessed and those who benefit at the expense of those who are oppressed, woe unto them. Ready for the big curse, if that includes some police, if that includes some politicians, if that includes some corporations (who are “persons” under the law) then so be it. Woe unto them.

I hate to bring up the Jackson 5 here, but this is the problem of “one bad apple.” Sometimes all it takes is one person to cause a broad brush to be used. It’s one of the greatest horrors, but it’s true. Pastors understand this too. With sexual abuse, financial abuse, and other abuses of power I can be suspect.

In the Beatitudes, Jesus blesses those who have never been blessed. Those who have blessed themselves, well, woe unto them. I thank God for the Messiah who has blessed us so that we may be a blessing.

I am not here to curse woes unto people who have done well. The nation of Israel was blessed to be a blessing. Through Jesus of Nazareth, the Messiah, the Christ, we have been grafted into that vine. We have been blessed, but if we are not a blessing then Christ will ask what we have done with our blessing. This is a question worth asking. This is what our society needs to ask.

Oh, and maybe when the people who have not been blessed are, that will be a blessing to all people.

See you in Church, Paul

We pray for police, military, and all others who voluntarily put themselves in harm’s way in service to others.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15:13

Black Friday into Good Friday

I've been doing a lot of reflection during this Lenten season. That's not all bad, after all, that's one of the goals of Lent. Here's what I know. It has been a rough five years or so.

I won't continue to bore you with the foils of life, just a quick update on the latest. On Labor Day I began a "career" in insurance. I went to work for Bankers Life. SIDE NOTE: Great company, great products, great local agents (speaking for my former co-workers). If you need insurance in East Texas these are the professionals to speak with. They will make an appointment with you, come to your house or business, and get you set up. As for me, well, I couldn't get it to work. I had one good month out of six. My boss tells everyone to give it six months to see if the business is for you and I did. And it wasn't.

God love 'em, but I couldn't make sales to save my life. Getting appointments was difficult. Getting people to be home for their appointments seemed to be even harder. And if you don't talk to people making sales is not going to happen. So I went back to where I was before that, Motel 6 welcomed me home with open arms.

By now some of you are saying, "Don't you say you're a minister in the sidebar of this blog? What's up with that?" Well, that's a long story for another day but let me say the people of First Marshall, my last called appointment, decided to quit meeting together. With that went pay, housing, insurance and so on. There are other blog posts which show my tenuous grasp on mental health went to the other side of the hedge during these last two years. It got to the point that a year ago I had serious doubts that serving another church was in my future. It felt like the church was done with me.

WARNING, DANGER WILL ROBINSON! Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying God is done with me. I'm saying I thought the humans who call pastors to churches are done with me.

Well praise God, that season in the wilderness is beginning to pass. I don't feel that way any longer. A year or so ago my Spiritual Director looked at me one day and said, "You know, with all of this horrible, even satanic opposition you're facing; when God comes in Glory there's going to be some kind of joy." In the midst of Black Friday this was a pipe dream. On Good Friday this is my hope.

I'm working and getting paid everyday, something commissioned sales can't promise. While we're about to lose where we're staying-for the third time in 18 months-we have a place to go. AND there is a wonderful congregation of people who are praying for me to be their pastor and they don't even know who they are. (AND there's a church checking my references which is VERY, VERY exciting. I won't share more than that to protect their place in their process.)

I want to leave you one thought, one reflection. Join me on that first Black Friday. Imagine being a disciple, an apostle, a follower; now imagine the events of the prior day... There's the triumphal entry into Jerusalem, what we call Palm Sunday. There's the final meal and instructions--what we now call the Last Supper, the Lord's Supper, the Holy Communion, the Eucharist. Then sleep falls on the weary only to be awakened by the sounds of a unit of Legionaries being led by one of their own to arrest the Messiah.

Oh, the trial, Pilate's question "What is truth?" rings in your ears. Jesus is alone, there's nobody with him as his advocate. He is convicted and sentenced. He will die and die horribly. We know that the only earthly difference between us and him is we are not in the hands of Rome, not yet.

Jesus cries, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The Son of God is fully separated from God. We can't imagine this level of separation even on our worst days. Still, there's more to come and the horror of what that will be brings fear to paralysis. This is the state of Black Friday before the resurrection. The followers of the way don't know what will happen on that day. They're so afraid scripture doesn't even show them wondering. They simply scatter. Contemplation is a luxury when you fear for your life.

But we know this, we know Easter. We know what was Black Friday only once will forever be Good Friday. Today, reflect on the blackness, but rejoice that as the Easter people we know that the Light conquers the dark.

Updating the Pastor Information Form

I decided it was time to do some updating on my Pastor Information Form. For those of you who are indoctrinated to such things, Presbyterians call it a PIF for short. For those of you who aren't, think of it as a kind of Presbyterian version of a Minister's resume.

In the past few years there have been some revisions to the form and format. One of the things that was removed is a section formerly known as Key Theological Issues. This is where the Pastoral Candidate defines, explains, or dances around an issue in 1,500 characters or less. (Gotta love forms, but when a church gets several hundred PIF's for a single ministerial opportunity you can imagine they might hope people can get it down to 500.)

I decided to redo my "Key Theological Issue" section, with the song lyric it comes to a bit more than the basic 1,500 characters. I do believe this is an important issue and I hope you can see where I'm coming from.

In a time when knowledge is expanding exponentially and when the speed of communication threatens to overwhelm the message, I see the key theological issue of our time to be something Texans call the Gospel of Luckenbach, maybe it's time we get back to the basics of love.

For those of you who don't know the chorus, it goes like this:

Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of love

Let's go to Luckenbach, Texas
With Waylon and Willie and the boys
This successful life we're livin'
Got us feuding like the Hatfields and McCoys
Between Hank Williams' pain songs and
Newberry's train songs and Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain
Out in Luckenbach, Texas ain't nobody feelin' no pain

 ("Luckenbach, Texas (Back to the Basics of Love) by Chips Moman and Bobby Emmons. As for “feelin' no pain,” I would propose that in the church that should have more to do with joy in the outstretched arms of God than one too many Shiner Bock's.)

For the church this is our first love, God.

As Presbyterians we have a long tradition of seeking guidance from our three sources of governance, in order: Holy Scripture, the Book of Confessions, and the Book of Order. Unfortunately too often we tend to move from Grace to Law, from the Living Torah to the Book of Order. Jesus did not teach divorce or define marriage. He demonstrated love and taught us to love God and neighbor. When others tried to force Jesus into constructs like government and taxes, he shows that the Lord God is not bound by such. As people try to force God to be one way, the Triune God-Father, Son, and Spirit-shows The Way.

The issue of our time is that we must seek and follow God's mysterious and gracious way. God never acts out of character but always in sovereignty. God moves in ways that we can't often anticipate and less frequently understand. Jesus ministered to and with those on the society’s fringe, including Zealots and Roman collaborators; lepers and harlots. Yet to be the Body of Christ the church must seek and follow-especially when this direction takes us from our comfortable places. The church must start again. God is love, and it's time we get back to the basics of love.

To God be the Glory. Amen

Jesus Wept, Lazarus Laughed, Megan Died, and as for me...

This Sunday's lectionary reading was the raising of Lazarus from the dead. This passage has many wonderful pieces and images, but the most famous is found in the King James Bible at John 11:35. You know it too, "Jesus wept."

Pastor Kemper Huber at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church in Longview, Texas preached a wonderful sermon using the Eugene O'Neill play "Lazarus Laughed". The link provides a synopsis of the show, but here are some highlights from the sermon:

• Lazarus returned
• People asked what it was like to have died
• Lazarus laughed
• He told them death was like life, but fuller, more bountiful
• He continued to laugh.

That became the hallmark of the show, Lazarus laughed in the face of all danger. He had died, what could scare him next? Nothing! In the face of overwhelming odds, in the face of certain death; there was nothing to worry about anymore. This caught on in the household of Lazarus and all throughout Bethany. "Death, where is thy sting?" Yeah, it's all gone.

This wouldn't do for the Roman Prelate. When death and fear of death are your weapons and suddenly there is no more fear of death, your biggest weapon is gone. Lazarus was sent to Rome to go before Caesar.Caesar threatened to have Lazarus killed. You can guess what happened next. Caesar burned Lazarus at the stake. You know what happened the whole time. The show ends with the "most important man in the world" bested by a laughing Jew.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed.

Kemper tied the theme of the show, Lazarus laughing at death with Jesus telling the world "Fear not." Christ conquered death. Lazarus shows us in John 11 and Eugene O'Niell shows us in the dramatized version of what happened next. In all of these situations, death is powerless. Christ saves us from mundane death. It's gone, hallelujah!

There was one problem with this. I have a the problem with the sermon, and a problem with the show. It's not a problem with Kemper's theology or even with the play, it's a problem with sin.

There is (at least in some circles) fate worse than death. There are times in the life of some people when "it" (whatever "it" may be) becomes so overwhelming that these people see the sweet release of death preferable to the cold hard existence of life. The people who say "Life's a bitch and then you die," yeah, those people.

Some people decide to get off the train early. The ones who get off before the final stop commit suicide. Death, the bountiful life after this painful life is so very seductive.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed, Megan died.

Those of you who have followed this blog know who Megan is. If you don't this link tells more about her and about a much younger me. I remember wondering how horrible Megan felt that she would take her own life. I gave thanks that I never felt that way and prayed I never would. Then six months ago, my world fell apart and I had an idea of how bad she felt. I did not want to feel like I felt another day, another minute, another moment. I knew this was a permanent solution. For those who would add "to a temporary problem," I would invite you to "enjoy the freefall" and tell me it doesn't seem like an idea worth considering.

This is the suicide issue when it comes to the "bountiful life" of death, it's seductive. The pain of life, pain which is too much to carry, is gone. All that's left is new life. Laughter. Yes, Jesus weeps, but Lazarus laughs. It's not healthy. It's not right. It's pretty bad for everyone left behind... but that guilt trip isn't your problem.

While considering all of this another Bible story came to mind, Job. Job's wife, after witnessing the calamity of their life together, suffering the same losses except for the physical boils, finally said "Curse God and die." She told him to commit suicide by use of the Lord. But Job was faithful.

Job's wife chose the sweet release of death for her husband. Job chose a  life to a faithful God despite the horrors of the moment.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed, Megan died, and as for me...

As for me, I've gotten a better medical diagnosis. I'm working hard to stay healthy. I'm eating better, exercising and working. I see a counselor and I see a Psychiatrist. I do the medical therapy and I do the talk therapy. I have good days and bad days. I have more good days and my bad days aren't anywhere as bad as they were even six months ago.

Life is far from perfect, but it is better than it was a year ago, far better. Getting better is a process, getting well is a dream, maybe even a pipe dream. Better is a goal. And I do all of this praising my savior who makes it all possible.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed, Megan died, and as for me... I am a better man than I was before I knew all of these things. Praise God!

RefuJesus-The Commentary

There's an old saying, if at first you don't succeed... I put it to the test today at Broadmoor Presbyterian Church in Shreveport. The sermon I preached today, "RefuJesus" is a version 2.0. I preached it three years ago at First-Marshall after having learned several lessons. Let me tell you what I learned and what I changed.

This time, I was certain to tell the congregation in no uncertain terms that this concept, the refugee status of Jesus and the Holy Family in Egypt was new to me too. At least twice I said this was new, different, and not the most orthodox way of looking at the flight to Egypt. I also mentioned it was still biblical.

By the way, as a version 2.0 I was not being dishonest saying this was new because the first time it was new and it did freak me out as much as it did and should freak out anybody who read this for the first time. I was sharing my honest first impressions.

The reader and listener will also notice that when I gave my version of the Nativity/Wise Man/First Part of Today's Reading, I used some emotionally charged language. I did this because I wanted people to react to the word of God and how it would look if it were happening today. I wanted us to be uncomfortable.

And that's why I used the Fosdick quote: "The purpose of the gospel is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."

In short, I don't think the purpose of the gospel is to always make us feel better about ourselves. But I do believe that it should always make us know that our hope is in the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ. It's not in our stuff. It's not in our skill. It's in our Lord.

That's the purpose behind sharing the Isaiah quote. Isaiah was sharing a reflection of God's mercy remembered while foreshadowing the work of Christ to come. How great is that?

In the end, there seemed to be two reactions. Those who said it was nice to have me back and those who said they really, really loved the sermon. I must admit, when a pastor lays it all out, and in my opinion that sermon is a one not everyone is ready (or maybe even willing?) to hear (can I refer you back to the congregation that heard a lesser version?).

But then again, Preaching and Worship professors constantly reminded us that the pulpit should always be approached with fear and trepidation. Yet, it should always be approached in the confidence of Christ.

There is no better tightrope in the world. Thanks to the good people of Broadmoor Presbyterian for walking it with me this morning. Thank you and God bless.

Merry Christmas All Y'all

You know, I'll say something about being in recovery with being Bipolar, I'm much cheerier. Marie just told me that it's the Cheerios I'm eating. I must admit, it's better than all of the depression I've been spewing.

So here's something for Marie. She hates it when I call her "baby," but what about when The Boss does it?



This is the day that we celebrate the day of the birth of our Savior. This is the day we welcome Emmanuel, God with us. This is the day the physical presence of God came into our world in the least powerful way of any being, a baby. God's presence can come in any way, but God chose to come powerless, from the womb of a virgin, in a cave in what we call a manger. Danger surrounded him. His being was anything but secure. And He is God. In this moment, the greatest story ever told begins. So Merry Christmas one and all.

So now to the world let me say God bless, and may the coming year be a joyful and glorious year for all of us.

Faith and Mental Health

Earlier this week I met with my spiritual director. He said that he read my mental health blog. I asked him what he thought of it. He asked why there was not mention of God. I was struck dumb. It took a moment to come up with the answer "That blog was a clinical approach to my illness and hospitalization." It was quickly followed by, "Now I need to write the spiritual side."

Here's the single most important thing I went into the hospital knowing. I have hope in the Lord our God. Eight words, that's what I got. Let me elaborate.

I had been unemployed for over ten months, and stretched five months of severance over six and a half months. I didn't know how we were going to pay for our insurance, and money literally arrived on the porch. We got kicked out of where we were living, and another place opened up.

Was I thankful for God? Yes I was. Every day. At the same time I was so miserable I couldn't add one and one without consulting an accountant.

Marie was sick some days and on other days not quite so sick. In the meantime she did everything she could to keep me from falling apart and moving forward--pack boxes, prepare my Pastor Information Form, revise my resume, go to the store, yada, yada, yada.

Was I thankful for her. Yes I was. Every day. Did I show it? Certainly not well. I showed annoyance pretty well though. (Did I mention I was sick? Depression is insidious. I didn't know how big of a jerk being bipolar made me, only she does.)

If there's any good news; the self medication I gave up twenty-some years ago stayed in my bag of tricks not to come out.

My world crumbled around me and the only ideas I had were really, really bad ones. I was able by the grace of God to hold on until I got to my counselor's office. She got me into the hospital in Shreveport.

Now, if you have ever been in counseling for depression, you have probably heard this question: "Do you feel helpless and hopeless?" I've heard that question a million times, and I finally heard it properly and finally answered it aloud in the most accurate way for me.

I said, "I feel helpless. But I don't feel hopeless. In my faith I have hope. I have hope in the Lord my God."

How many times have I read David's Psalms of Lament? How many times have I read about the plight of Joseph? How many times have I read the Exodus story (and how many times has that story been adopted as a model for oppressed people all over the world)? How is there anything but hope in the cross and the resurrection?

Now, that my head is clear, I see that hope far more clearly too. I see now that hope is meant for me. I see that it is present in my life. I can even more clearly see those who are willing to help... those with whom God has blessed me in this life.

It's funny to say what I have now is a new life in Christ, but it truly is. Like everyone else I have had ups and downs, some of those downs pretty deep. Like anyone else who has depression my downs have real depth. In each of those times I have thanked God for saving me, for bringing me back. This time though it's different. I thought I had been broken before but I have never known brokenness like this. Oh, I thought I had, but it wasn't even even close.

Now, about two months later, the healing has begun. To date I feel great, literally never better. I have never been more clear. For that I thank God. In my fresh clarity I thank God for Marie, I thank God for all of the clinical help I have received. I truly thank God for all of our friends. We have gotten help, in financial, housing, other tangible, and especially prayer support from our friends from coast to coast. It's not that there are too many to list, but many have given anonymously and I honor that. Just know I will not forget.

Yes, some days will be better than others. Yes, I will have to be aware about how my meds are working because they may not always. I don't want to be unrealistic. At the same time I don't want to look under every rock for a rattlesnake just because I saw it happen once. I just have to pay attention to the sound of the rattle as I walk the path of life.

That is why I have hope in the Lord our God. Saved by the life and work, death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, indwelled by the Holy Spirit. By the grace of God I say Amen

Mental Health

A funny thing happened last month. Actually, it wasn't so funny. It was pretty scary. Life caught up with me. Life caught up with me and I didn't know what to do next. Actually that wasn't quite true... I had a "good idea" of what to do next, but having taken a class in crisis counseling I knew what I was thinking wasn't a "good idea."

I guess there had been signs of depression going on for a long time. I had found several different ways to deal with it over the years. I could go on for several paragraphs and describe the dozens of ways I have practiced self-therapy and self-medicating over the years. I even met with reasonable success. Reasonable being the key word. But last month the whole thing came tumbling down.

In November I became totally and wholly nonfunctional. I told my counselor what was happening and she told me it was time for me to go to the hospital. I was in no position to disagree. I guessed the depression had finally gotten such a hold on me that I had to do something right before I did something wrong.

Saying yes to help wasn't easy, I probably should have said something months earlier but didn't. But when I finally did say yes, it was the best thing I ever did.

To make a long story short, my diagnosis changed. My diagnosis is no longer simple depression. I am now diagnosed as Bipolar II. In short, that means that I have depression, sometimes serious bouts of depression (this helps explain some of my blog posts, especially the "Lies My Father/Mother Told Me" series) with hypomania. Hypomania is a version of mania which is not euphoric mania but a version that shows up as strangely energetic, talkative, assertive, creative, and productive behavior. Sometimes hypomania can also lead to questionable behavior... like some of my more dubious jokes.

I share this for a several reasons. The first is this, I am healing. That's the most wonderful thing I can say. I am on the way to feeling the best I have felt in my life. Therapy and medication are doing wonders. The second is that this is a process. Like everyone else on earth I will have good days and bad days. And now I have better tools to deal with them than I had even three months ago. This will also make me a better Pastor one day too. I have seen what the bottom looks like.

I also want to say thanks to my family and friends who took care of Marie and me while I was in the hospital and while I have been unemployed. You have been a joy to us.

Finally, I want to share because I want you to be aware. You know someone who is Bipolar. Fear Not! Or at least don't fear me. I'm not going to snap and bite your head off. I'm not going to go postal. I may not be just like everybody else, but there is one thing I know, I'm still me. I'm Paul. I'm the fat man in the bathtub. And I'm glad you came to my blog.

Enjoy.

The Presbyterian Food Stamp Challenge

The Presbyterian Church (USA) recently did a food stamp challenge (view Outlook link here) to show how difficult it is to feed a family using the SNAP program's dietary guidelines. I commend everyone of the 300 Presbyterians who signed up to see how the other half lives. Unfortunately, they really didn't get a full view of how the other half lives, not from someone on this side of the poverty line.

You see, as you know, I am an ordained minister (Teaching Elder, whatever) in the Presbyterian Church (USA). The congregation I served chose to quit meeting together at the end of January this year. While I received a generous severance package, all things come to an end. To an end they came at the end of June. I was able to stretch the cash part of the severance out for a while longer, but the insurance ended promptly on June 30, 2013. That $711.25 has been coming out of my pocket ever since.

On a side note, the reason we kept this insurance is that we did not want to start our deductibles and copays over again. That would not have been cost effective.

As I was unable to secure any employment in my small East Texas town so I relied on God's generous blessings. Through friends, churches, and the SNAP program my wife and I were able to keep our heads above water. We are housed. Our car was paid off one month after I lost my job and some rather pricey repairs were covered--as was car insurance. Monthly expenses like gas and phone, because you gotta have a phone if you're looking for work, were covered for a while by several churches where I preached as pulpit supply, a real blessing.

Then it happened, our SNAP benefits were around $340 per month for two adults, one with special dietary needs. When it came time to reapply our benefits were cut, they were cut to $15 per month. Not by $15 per month but to $15 per month. This wasn't because of any political posturing as both my Republican and Democratic friends were so quick to point out.

The reason our benefits were cut were because I reported we got help and I reported I spent it on health insurance. You see, the State of Texas, the state of my residence, believes I should be spending my money on food and not on health.

So I have looked for jobs in the church, sending Pastor Information Forms to over 160 congregations where God has not called me. I have sent applications to banks, colleges, restaurants, tutoring services, pawn shops, and more places than I can remember. I finally have an interview and God willing will have incoming income soon.

You have been patient with me but now I imagine you would like me to come to the point. Years ago I worked in a Student Support Services TRIO program serving low income students. I thought this gave me a better idea of what it was like to be poor in America and I wasn't really wrong. Then I became a seminary student and a pastor in two different very small rural churches. While the blessings are wonderful they aren't monetary, I got a better idea of what living in poverty looked like. My wife's health began to deteriorate and she has been unable to work for five years--between loss of income and increase of medical expenses we are getting a real first hand view of poverty.

The point of my story is that nobody who took The Presbyterian Food Stamp Challenge unknowingly choose between health insurance and food stamps. Who would ever make that choice knowingly. Who would have ever thought that would be a forced choice.

In the end we're not that far from sleeping in the car. Only the Grace of God and the help of good friends has kept us out of it so far. So thanks to anyone who has spared us a room. Thanks to everyone who has sent us a check--and some of you have been quite generous. Blessings to all who have prayed for us because we have had some very rough patches too. And thanks to the 300 of you who tried to see how the other half lived. God bless us all.

Heroes of the Faith

People often wonder which person in the bible they most resemble. The most assertive of us pick Paul or Deborah. Some of us who are good disciples who are also known to say the wrong thing from time to time pick Peter.

As for me, I'm a lot like this guy from Mark's gospel...

When the whole crowd saw him, they were immediately overcome with awe, and they ran forward to greet him. He asked them, “What are you arguing about with them?” Someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they could not do so.” He answered them, “You faithless generation, how much longer must I be among you? How much longer must I put up with you? Bring him to me.” And they brought the boy to him. When the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked the father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.” Jesus said to him, “If you are able!—All things can be done for the one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:15-24, NRSV)

Those of you who know scripture know Jesus healed the boy, telling his disciples that to banish this spirit requires prayer. Those of you who didn't, well, spoiler alert.

What I love about this man is his honesty, "I believe; help my unbelief!" He knows who Jesus is and he knows what can happen when Emmanuel, God with us, is with us. Still, the things he has seen in his life cause him not to believe.

I know how he feels.

In seminary, they teach us something important about the kingdom of God, it is happening now, and it's not happening yet. We do live in a world where Christ is King of kings. He is Lord of lords. There is nothing that he cannot do. There is no foe he cannot face. Jesus of Nazareth who died conquered death. He conquered death. Yet, we live in a world where politicians fight for what we laughingly call power. Despots behave like "little tin gods." Horror and shame thrive where there should be peace and grace. We live in a world where it looks like God can be ignored, like Jesus' redeeming work has no effects at all. We live in a world that is redeemed, yet we can't turn on the news without knowing that the world doesn't look like it has been.

The redeeming work of Christ is done; now, but not yet.

This is how I live into this Father's words, "I believe; help my unbelief!" I believe, I know. Yet I also know the pain and despair and shame this world heaps on its inhabitants.

To me, this man's heroism is his honesty, before the Lord his God he knows and he tells the whole truth. He knows and he fears and he shares both with Jesus and with the world. He may not have made his way into Hebrews 11 nor will he ever be listed among the great heroes of scripture. Despite his place in history I say this, he's a hero.

He's one of my heroes. The greater hero of course is Jesus. He did what he said he would do. He did everything he said he would do. That is heroic.

XTerra Update

A bill from Orr Nissan, and the check that paid the bill.

Dear Friends,
This picture is a bill from Orr Nissan in Shreveport, Louisiana. It covers a timing belt, water pump, heater core, and coolant overflow hose along with enough labor to tear it down and put it back together again. The check that covers the bill, literally and figuratively, was made possible through your generosity.

On July 10 I posted our first request online for help. Unemployment stinks and unemployment in East Texas without a working vehicle is impossible. We could have sold the vehicle to get a new one, but that would have netted us about $1,500 to buy something and it's not 1988 anymore. You can't even get a wreck in Marshall for that kind of money.

This is where I don't know how many of you joined us in prayer that we might get the help we need. Prayers were answer. Twenty-three of you decided to lend us a financial hand via the PayPal route. Your generosity has provided $2,500.00. Four others mailed us checks totaling $350.00. We also received another $350.00 in cash from four other people. This comes to... you guessed it... $3,200.00.  That was more than close enough to the total needed to pay the bill to make me dance in the streets.

When I posted this good news on Facebook, I also shared thanks and praise to God. Then Moishe Sachs, a friend from Santa Fe Trail Elementary School, wrote,  "Maybe more than is apparent; the check is made out to Orr (light in Hebrew) & Nissan, from the word in Hebrew meaning miracle, ness." Moishe is right, this is a miracle from the Light of God. Amen.

He also noted how glorious it is that an observant Jew and a progressive Presbyterian can get together and praise God. Amen Moishe, amen. God has blessed us through you. God bless all of you who helped.

Of course that's not all we need...

We still need another $1,000.00 for a tune up, but that's not urgent. That's not going to keep us off the road.

Another thing we need is a job. Friends, I think I've proven I'm not too proud to beg. I need a job. If you have any leads or friends with leads for someone with a bachelor's in business, two master's degrees, ten-plus years in Higher Education and over seven in ministry (and five in the "hospitality industry") I would love to talk to you.

If you want to help financially, the link is still active. (Still not a tax dedutable contribution.) Click the "Donate" button  and enter paandresen@aol.com when it asks for "To (Their email address)"



If you have a line on a job, email me at PAAndresen@aol.com. We can arrange phone contact or even lunch from there.

In the meantime, praise God and thank you for your help

Affirmation

There are days when it seems that nothing I say or do matters a lick in this world. Sometimes, on those days, I yell at the universe to see if anybody is listening. In the internet age this usually saying something or sharing something on Facebook or on my blogs.

Some days the universe answers and some days it doesn't. That's just the way it is. Then there are the days when the universe yells back at you. I've never had one of those days, but I have friends and acquaintances who know that feeling way too well. One friend wrote a blog post asking the world why private citizens need automatic and assault weapons at all. Believe me, the universe yelled back that day.

But sometimes, sometimes it's not a scream but a whisper that makes it worth while.

I preached at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church on July 14th. St. Andrew recently lost their pastor and until recently were seeking an interim pastor. I was among a number of local pastors who filled the pulpit during the process. So walking down the hallway on that Sunday morning, a teenager came up to me, gave me a big hug around the neck, and said, "Oh good, you're my favorite."

I posted the girl's comment on Facebook and a friend from Junior High wrote, "It was like God sent someone to let you know He knows." This made me smile almost as much. No yelling at the universe, just a simple word from a teenager, and the love of God welcomes me saying, "You're doing what I want you to do. Keep it up. You don't need to shout."

Thanks Megan. Thanks Debbie. Some days I don't think anything I do matters. Other days I find out that it does matter. God bless you all.

I Met an Angel. His Name Was Earl.

This is an odd story, as many stories are. I suspect that if all stories were "normal" there would really be no point to recording or repeating them. This is the story of an angel named Earl. I'll let you decide if this story is worth recording or repeating.

Last Wednesday afternoon I had a meeting with my Spiritual Director. (Spiritual directors are folks who "who share a commitment to the art of contemplative spiritual compassionate listening." This statement comes from the Spiritual Director's International Website along with much more information about Spiritual Direction.

He asked me about how I had been blessed lately. I talked about my second anniversary at the church (celebrated on Monday October 1) and about other stuff, but there have been so many stresses in my life lately that sometimes the blessings get buried under the dung. It's like one comes like fairy dust and the other comes in a bulldozer. Can I get an "Amen"?

Not long after the Spiritual Director left a man rang the church doorbell. There was a black man at the door, maybe in his late 20's but looking much older, and having told us he could not read or write-his voice sounded like someone who could not read or write. (No problem though, his mamma could read it to him.) On top of it all, he was illiterate-he knew some of the stories but he had no idea what they were called or where to find them.

I hate using what we called in Kansas "discouraging words," but it was true. He was dirty. His clothes were in tatters. He looked and sounded like a walking-talking stereotype. Then again, this might have been a part of some sort of test. More on that in a couple.

When I answered the door, he said that he was sent over to us from another because he was looking for some bibles. I said "Sure" and headed toward the chapel. Georgia, the church secretary, offered to go and get some from the spares stored in the choir room. That was perfect, as Georgia frequently is. So he came into my study while Georgia went to the choir room for four bibles. I also gave him a Gideon's New Testament-Psalms-Proverbs book. He asked for three of those. No problem, there are plenty more where that came from.

He asked me to mark some things for him. He asked me to mark "that place where it says 'the Lord is my shepherd.'" No problem, the 23rd Psalm coming right up! By this time Georgia got to my office with the other bibles and she started marking them. He also wanted that story of the guy who "Satan took everything he had but God returned it seven times. "No problem, the book of Job coming right up!

This is when Georgia had to leave. She had a appointment. No problem, that was in the works all week.

This is when Earl made a less direct request. He said that he was watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) the other day and they mentioned a scripture "where God brings two people together who have nothing in common, but it blesses them both."

I thought about it for a moment. By this time I had begun to believe Earl was a soul God placed in my day so I could see that I could be a blessing and be blessed-kind of the on the nose about what my Spiritual Director was saying.

I told Earl that I didn't know the verse they used on TBN or what they were talking about, but I wanted to share Hebrews 13:2, "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." (NIV) I told him that he was a blessing in my life; he was the man I needed to see that day. So I marked it in the bible he handed me and that's when it got weird.

Suddenly, Earl's complete demeanor changed. He stood taller. His eyes were more clear. His voice took on a power and command I sure didn't expect. He gave me a blessing. I don't know exactly what it was because I was so taken aback that I didn't hear everything he said. What I did get was when he said "We won't see each other again for a long time, but we will see each other again," and that's where it got fuzzy again.

As he started to leave he dropped one of the small Gideon testaments, and when he went to pick it up the moment was over. His old voice returned as he said "Whoops."

It's said that the vast majority of people never have a spiritual experience while in church. Well, I had mine that day. I met a man who seemed to shrug off a human facade like I take off my shirt. He blessed me and told me that we will meet again one day. He spoke in a voice of peace and authority that I haven't ever heard from another human being. Was it an angel named Earl? I think so. I just pray that when you need to meet your angel, the experience will be as wonderful as when I met Earl.

God bless us everyone!
Amen.

Pastor Paul's June Newsletter Article

Dear readers, this is a particularly long writing for both a newsletter article and blog post. I pray you forgive me as I believe the subject matter deserves and needs these words. God bless you as you read and as always, please comment if you desire. ~Paul

Dear Friends in Christ,

Many of you are aware from the local newspaper and the coffee shop that the First Presbyterian Church in Longview has split. Many are leaving to form a new Evangelical Presbyterian Church congregation and the remaining members are staying to make a go of it in the historic First Presbyterian building.

Many of you also know that our own Harriette Malcolm has served as Clerk for the Presbytery’s Administrative Commission for First Longview. Now that the Pastors who served that church have demitted (sorry, church jargon—set aside/renounced) their PC(USA) ordinations Harriette is now Clerk of their Session. This will continue until the remaining members of the First Presbyterian Church in Longview elect a new Session and Clerk.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a Presbytery meeting in Dallas to discuss some things including the formation of that Administrative Commission. A meeting that could have been finished in an hour (including 40 minutes of worship) took three. It took that long because people were hurt and wanted their pain known and acknowledged.

Friends in Christ, any time a church faces a split there is pain. Few congregations in the Presbytery know that better than this one after a split over twenty-five years ago. There are still members of this part of the Body of Christ who feel that pain intimately. It is the Church’s version of a civil war where brothers and sisters and parents and children fight on opposite sides of the line, or in the case of the church the aisle. It is horrible. It is terrible. But as for the question of whether or not it can be prevented, well, the answer to that just might be no.

The Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow was the Moderator of the 218th General Assembly in San Jose. He is also a prolific writer and noted speaker on technology and the church. In a recent article the Rev. Reyes-Chow quoted Dr. Fred Heuser, Executive Director of the Presbyterian Historical Society, about the history of splits and reunions among Presbyterians. Dr. Heuser writes:

The conflict and divisiveness within the PC (USA) today is part of a broader pattern that is deeply rooted in our past. The “flash points” that have produced these conflicts may be different, but the underlying tensions that birthed them are remarkably similar.

The Rev. Reyes-Chow believes that we are in such a time. He continues, “Our struggle now is to move away from the many adversarial postures that exist and acknowledge that God may indeed be working through and in all of us during these days of denominations shifts.” [Italics mine.]

The way I read it, the former Moderator of the General Assembly is saying that we need to move from fighting one another because God may well be calling some folks out of the Presbyterian Church (USA) to do the work of the Body of Christ on Earth and calling others to stay and do the work of the Body of Christ on Earth.

To me, that sounds horribly painful. It also begs the question, “Can schism bring glory to God?” Actually, that’s not such a good question. It puts human work (schism) before God’s work. This is never a winning concept. Maybe this is a better question, “Can God do something glorious despite this schism?” That isn’t so good either. This question fails to remember that God does not love us “despite who we are” (sinful creatures). Instead we must remember that God loves us because of who we are, his children.

It’s as easy as that, God loves us because we are his children.

So the better question is “Can God do something glorious through this schism?” I believe the answer is yes. God meets us where we are, even on the battlefields we put up in our sanctuaries, Presbyteries, and General Assemblies. God’s overflowing love is greater than our understanding.

Granted, none of these things relieves us of the bitter realities of our feelings. Those who were here during the split know this too well. The pain of watching family leaving may be as fresh as a newly formed scab, a scar yet to be made. Others remember the pain. Even though the scab has long peeled away and the scar faded, even if just a little. Others just remember what caused it. The Rev. Reyes-Chow tells us not ignore that pain:

Now of course, this does not mean that I do not care or do not grieve the loss of the denominational relationships with those who are leaving, but I also do not begrudge anyone or have an overwhelming urge to fight to make people stay when they are feeling like this is no longer a good place for them. What I am trying to do is to be gracious in the face of frequent castigation (castigation means criticism. -Paul) and loving as I see colleagues move into a new denominational relationship; all the while, remaining committed and faithful to my part in discerning what it means to be the Presbyterian Church (USA) today and into the future.

There is grief and sorrow and pain over the departures. But what the Rev. Reyes-Chow tells us is that he doesn’t and we mustn’t act on the all too human urge to fight with or hold grudges against those who leave. Let them be committed to who they are being called to be and we will continue to be who we are committed to be. We need to do this with grace, not with a chip.

Now he also points out that when there is separation there are other questions to be worked out; questions that end up being asked and answered by church and civil, lawyers and accountants. Every legal split has its arguments about who gets the house and the stuff, but that is not the focus of his article nor this one.

This is a time to grieve the loss of PC(USA) relationships. This is a time to grieve the loss of church friends. It is not a time for hate or spite or distrust to overwhelm the truth that Christ is Lord of ALL. Regardless of any view of “us and them,” Christ is Lord of ALL. Because Christ is Lord of all, we can forgive those who have hurt us, and there is a lot of hurt going around among the current and former members of First-Longview and with in the denomination.

This is our call to continue living out the Gospel of Jesus Christ, regardless of where we do it. We can do this with grief. We can do this with sorrow. We can never do this with hate.

See you in Church,
Paul

For the link to Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow's full blog post, click here.
For the link to  Dr. Fred Heuser's full article, click here.

Pastor Paul's April Newsletter Article

Dear Friends,

During a recent sermon I compared Jesus preparing for his hour to a horse race about to begin. I said that there is a lot of training for the horse before the race. I compared that to Jesus being prepared—and preparing us—for the coming hour. I said, “I feel like we, this part of the Body of Christ, is that race horse being led to the gate. We have been made ready to run the race of our lives.” I think this is true. I feel like we are being prepared, being groomed for our next stage as the body of Christ.

Now this doesn’t mean we’re going to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Much of what we do—things like Sunday School, Women’s Circle, Fellowship Lunches—these are valuable to the mission of the church. Much of what we have started doing or started doing again—things like camp and lock-ins—are a glory to God! Our building is a great place, a center for the work of Christ in the community too.

These things only become a problem when we love the stuff more than we love Jesus. They only become a problem when our love of things past keeps us from moving into where God is moving us in the future. Remember that piece of wisdom, “Cherish our past—Support the present—Embrace our future.” If we can honor these three things, we can serve God with passion.

I wish I knew exactly what that meant for us, exactly what God is calling us to do. Again as I said, “Unfortunately, we don’t have the benefit of knowing the track is a dirt oval and the race is going to end after ten furlongs.” Horses and NASCAR drivers know how long the race is and where it goes, God does not give us such advice.

One of the great places to look is in our history. The Great Ends of the Church are six historical goals of the church. They were first put together over 100 years ago as a couple branches of Presbyterianism decided to come back together again after schism.

The Great Ends of the Church are:

1. the proclamation of the gospel for the salvation of humankind;
2. the shelter, nurture, and spiritual fellowship of the children of God;
3. the maintenance of divine worship;
4. the preservation of the truth;
5. the promotion of social righteousness; and
6. the exhibition of the Kingdom of Heaven to the world.

These six ends can help us focus on the answer to the question “so what next?” These six great ends can help us focus what we are called to do. These six ends can help us say, “We can do that, but how is that going to help us meet the Great Ends of the Church?”

We have to begin again with the basics. We have to begin with establishing Godly priorities. Our first priority is this, establishing a relationship with the Lord. That’s where it has to begin. It begins with walking the word. It begins with prayer. It begins by keeping company with those who walk in the word and live life bathed in prayer. It begins by realigning our priorities.

I say “we” because the Session and I need your help. We must do this together. Together we can plot a course that cherishes our past, supports the present, and embraces our future. It’s not up to me alone. It is not for the Session alone. This work is for all of us.

This I do know: “because of God’s good grace, we are called to respond faithfully. This is how we live eternal life, not just have it. To live life, we must share. We are called to take what God has given us and share it with the world.”

See you in church,

Paul

Who I Need in God's Church

I am currently rereading the Rev. Ken Howard's "Paradoxy, Creating Christian Community Beyond Us and Them." I am enjoying this read because it deals with what it means to persevere as a church during a time of schism. The second part of the book draws heavily on Howard's experience as Rector of St. Nicholas Church since it became a parish (a permanent congregation) of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington in 2003.

According to his page on the St. Nick's website, "this book examine [sic] the dead-end conflict between conservative and liberal Christianity and proposes a new paradigm of Christian community intended to help church's survive and thrive in the coming religious realiagmment. This new "Middle Way" is based in large part on the experiences of the St. Nicholas community."

What strikes me today is what he writes about his experience at St. Nick's, a congregation that he describes as "members who in terms of theology, run the gamut from those who gamely call themselves near-fundamentalists to those who would label themselves radically liberal."

If we were to have any success with our exploration, we will have to be open-minded yet rigorous, confident yet self-critical, creative yet provisional. We will have to be open to the possibility that we all might be a little wrong, that our adversaries may be a little right, and that there will likely be surprises out there for all of us. We will need to open our hearts and minds to a newer and more expansive reality, and to what our friend C. S. Lewis called a "deeper magic."

He then invites the reader to "enter the wardrobe" to see what we will "find on the other side." To earnestly seek this "deeper magic" we need to go together.

Does this frustrate me that not everyone agrees with me? From time to time, it does. I imagine what others might consider "my personal heresies" frustrates them too. But what do I learn if the the church was filled with nothing but "Mini-Me?" Speaking for myself, I don't need a church of people who think like me.  I need people who do not think like I do so I can learn from them, and hopefully they from me.

The greater truth is that what we share is more than what divides us. Let me say that again, what we share is more than what divides us.

As for my personal experience, one of my best friends from seminary and I deeply disagree on one of the touchstones of separation in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), allowing congregations and Presbyteries the ability to consider gays and lesbians for ordination to the offices of Deacon and Elder. We disagree and we know it. We have tried to sway the other to no avail. We have even stopped trying because we know it is to no avail. So what keeps our personal and professional relationship in tact? Two things, a deep personal love and relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ and love for one another as friends and colleagues.

This who I need in God's Church--Christians, people who in the words of Luke 10:27 "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" I need people who put this above all else.

In a time of schism, one part of the church chooses not to associate with another part of the church. It's an ugly word, but then again it should be because of the pain and sorrow that are inseparable from it. In this time of schism, I hope that we will all take a moment before taking the last steps before separation. I hope we can all put our relationships with our Lord and with one another above all else. Let us put love of God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, before love of dogma. Let's remember this begins at home and not with a mythical dreaded "them."

Let us remember what it says in Hebrews 10:25, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." The day approaches, let us meet it together.

You can get "Paradoxy" here or at your favorite bookseller.

Quotes from "Paradoxy" are taken from page 100 of the print version.

Pastor Paul's March Newsletter Article

Dear Friends in Christ,

Sometimes people ask me why I wear a black pulpit robe and stole in worship. The answer is as easy as saying it’s my work clothes.

Jerry and Robbie are great examples of guys who have particular work clothes. The clothes they wear have distinctive elements that show the world where they work. The patches and colors identify where they work. The grease they wear is a less formal kind of identifier; it shows that they work under the hoods and not in the corner offices.

As for me, I have choices about what I can wear in worship. Those choices I made are in the picture on the right. I wear a black pulpit robe. The origins of the black robe are from Scotland and Switzerland and point to the role of the Minister as a teacher. I believe one of the roles I am best suited to perform in the worship setting is teacher.

Something else I wear is a stole. The stole represents a yoke. Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” To me, the stole the yoke of Christ.

 

The symbols on this cloak have specific meaning too. The stole itself is green. The colors around the sanctuary on most Sundays are green. I wear this stole on those Sundays. On the left side of the stole is a font and on the right side is a chalice. These are the symbols of the sacraments—baptism and the Lord’s Supper. The sacraments tell the world who we are, what we believe, and how we are nourished in the life of faith. I wear these not just to show the world, but to remind myself who we are.

On a side note, I often wear hiking boots on my feet. I wear them for comfort, sure, but also as a reminder that our faith is lived on our feet. Our faith is in motion in the world.

Friends, this is how I put on my faith every Sunday. How we wear our faith everyday, now that’s a good question. Ephesians 6:10-17 teaches us the how’s to and why’s of getting dressed in the morning:

Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The next verse adds something very important, what we need to do first as soon as we are dressed:

Pray in the Spirit at all times in every prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert and always persevere in supplication for all the saints.

When we prepare to meet the day, when we prepare to meet life head on, we need to be prepared in every way possible. I thank God that not only has he given us this wondrous armor, but a place to wear it. We need to suit up. We need to pray at all times. We need to keep alert. We need to persevere. I’m thankful that we are here in the sight of God to do it together.

See you in Church,

Paul