I've been doing a lot of reflection during this Lenten season. That's not all bad, after all, that's one of the goals of Lent. Here's what I know. It has been a rough five years or so.
I won't continue to bore you with the foils of life, just a quick update on the latest. On Labor Day I began a "career" in insurance. I went to work for Bankers Life. SIDE NOTE: Great company, great products, great local agents (speaking for my former co-workers). If you need insurance in East Texas these are the professionals to speak with. They will make an appointment with you, come to your house or business, and get you set up. As for me, well, I couldn't get it to work. I had one good month out of six. My boss tells everyone to give it six months to see if the business is for you and I did. And it wasn't.
God love 'em, but I couldn't make sales to save my life. Getting appointments was difficult. Getting people to be home for their appointments seemed to be even harder. And if you don't talk to people making sales is not going to happen. So I went back to where I was before that, Motel 6 welcomed me home with open arms.
By now some of you are saying, "Don't you say you're a minister in the sidebar of this blog? What's up with that?" Well, that's a long story for another day but let me say the people of First Marshall, my last called appointment, decided to quit meeting together. With that went pay, housing, insurance and so on. There are other blog posts which show my tenuous grasp on mental health went to the other side of the hedge during these last two years. It got to the point that a year ago I had serious doubts that serving another church was in my future. It felt like the church was done with me.
WARNING, DANGER WILL ROBINSON! Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying God is done with me. I'm saying I thought the humans who call pastors to churches are done with me.
Well praise God, that season in the wilderness is beginning to pass. I don't feel that way any longer. A year or so ago my Spiritual Director looked at me one day and said, "You know, with all of this horrible, even satanic opposition you're facing; when God comes in Glory there's going to be some kind of joy." In the midst of Black Friday this was a pipe dream. On Good Friday this is my hope.
I'm working and getting paid everyday, something commissioned sales can't promise. While we're about to lose where we're staying-for the third time in 18 months-we have a place to go. AND there is a wonderful congregation of people who are praying for me to be their pastor and they don't even know who they are. (AND there's a church checking my references which is VERY, VERY exciting. I won't share more than that to protect their place in their process.)
I want to leave you one thought, one reflection. Join me on that first Black Friday. Imagine being a disciple, an apostle, a follower; now imagine the events of the prior day... There's the triumphal entry into Jerusalem, what we call Palm Sunday. There's the final meal and instructions--what we now call the Last Supper, the Lord's Supper, the Holy Communion, the Eucharist. Then sleep falls on the weary only to be awakened by the sounds of a unit of Legionaries being led by one of their own to arrest the Messiah.
Oh, the trial, Pilate's question "What is truth?" rings in your ears. Jesus is alone, there's nobody with him as his advocate. He is convicted and sentenced. He will die and die horribly. We know that the only earthly difference between us and him is we are not in the hands of Rome, not yet.
Jesus cries, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The Son of God is fully separated from God. We can't imagine this level of separation even on our worst days. Still, there's more to come and the horror of what that will be brings fear to paralysis. This is the state of Black Friday before the resurrection. The followers of the way don't know what will happen on that day. They're so afraid scripture doesn't even show them wondering. They simply scatter. Contemplation is a luxury when you fear for your life.
But we know this, we know Easter. We know what was Black Friday only once will forever be Good Friday. Today, reflect on the blackness, but rejoice that as the Easter people we know that the Light conquers the dark.
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