Because You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Today, I received a letter at the church from the local Chamber of Commerce asking for contributions to help pay for the Chamber's Nativity scene that was put on the city square.

As I read about the wonderful benefits of the Nativity scene, one of these benefits is that it is metal with a powder coat finish, so it is durable and if damaged, can be fixed in a jiffy. The head of the Chamber even noted this on the letter she sent out. I paraphrase what she said:

As many of you know, one of the sections of the nativity was damaged when it was hit by a car. But the section was able to be fixed within a couple of hours.

So with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:

If you got a DUI for hitting the Chamber of Commerce Nativity Scene... you might be a redneck.

Happy New Year everyone! If you're going out, drive safe.

Support Your Local Bodega

Today, for the first time in months, I went into my local bodega, the Mini Mercado on East Church in Berryville, Arkansas. If you've never been into a small neighborhood Mexican grocery store, you're missing out.

Living in Colorado, Texas, and Arkansas, I have become familiar with goods that I never imagined ever seeing in my oh so lilly-white suburban life. It's a whole new world to the gringo and it's wonderful.

Fresher tortillas, chorizo (Mexican sausage) and the sweetest soda in the world. I took a panilla and a jarittos back to the office after lunch and never looked back.

In Austin, there was a huge market called Fiesta. There you could get not just chicarrones, you could get and entire side of chicarrones. I mean not nuggets or shreds of fried pig skin, you could get an entire half a skin. It's a whole new world.

So get out there and see the world, it's right in your own back yard.

Mild Dyslexia

When I was in grade school, they told me that I had a mild form of dyslexia. Who knows? I guess it's true, but at the time they were diagnosing dyslexia the way they diagnose attention disorders today.

Anyway, it does pop up in the most unexpected ways. Our Sonic Drive In has on its sign this phrase:

SAUSAGE BISCUIT

DIPPERS

unfortunately, to me it looks like

SAUSAGE BISCUIT

DIAPERS

In my opinion, they have to change the font. It freaks me out everytime I drive past it.

This helps explain why I am such a lousy speller, but it can only take so much of the blame. On the whole, I am a bad speller and moderately attentive typist.

Happy 010th post!

Wait, check that, Happy 100th post!

Hail to the Chiefs!

They finally finished a record season. The Chiefs set new team bests in losses (14, beating 1977 and 1978's 12) and losing percentage (they lost 87.5% of their games beating 1977's 85.7%). This season matched their futility mark on number of wins as they tied the 1977 team with two wins. Good show.

At least they didn't get shut-out against the bungles, er, Bengals. (Sorry about that 'Natti fan.)

The Chefs (intentional spelling) had a tough year; lots of injuries, lots of upheaval, lots of drama. Of course, as for one of the pieces of drama, they should have traded future Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez at the end of last year. I even emailed Jason Whitlock of the KC Star to get the ball rolling on this.

Tony deserved to go to a winner and get away from what promised to be a bad year. (This is without even imagining it would be historically bad.) So TG finally tried to demand a trade. When the team was not able to pull the trigger Tony was still the best player on the team. He didn't phone it in, he didn't try to play not to get hurt. He still went over the middle, he still took the tough routes, and he became the prime target of the Chiefs 3rd-string quarterback.

And that 3rd-stringer came out of the season looking like quite a stud too.

Will Head Coach Herm get fired? There's a part of me that surely hopes he will. Yet, if they blew up the team knowing it would be bad, everyone delivered. On epic levels, but they delivered.

Still Herm blew some calls that lost games that no player could have changed. I draw your attention to the Chiefs use of time outs in the second half of the Charger game in December. Of course if the defense could have held its water Herm's time-out strategy would have been immaterial.

2008 Chiefs, I am not so sorry to see you go.

Point of Inspiration

A couple of days ago, I blogged about Rick Reilly's piece on the oddest game in high school football history. This is the kind of story you want to share, so I did, I put it on this blog with a link to the rest of the story.

Well, I was getting no where fast on Sunday's sermon. The gospel reading is Luke 2:22-40-the presentation of Jesus at the temple with the stories of Simeon and Anna.

Well, these two things came together. I could just imagine people reading Reilly's piece thinking "now I've seen everything." Then suddenly, I had the epiphany that Simeon told the Lord it was time for him to go because after seeing the baby Jesus, the Lord's Messiah, he had seen everything.

Hence, a sermon is born titled "Now I've Seen Everything." The difference is that while Simeon was ready to die because he had seen everything, we are called to continue taking God’s light into the world. We are called to live as the continuing light of God’s revelation.

Let us bring the light that shines for 2,000 years into the world.

On Being Somewhat Snobish

I'm embarassed. I can be something of a snob sometimes. For example, I love good beer. My personal favorite is Aass Pilsner from Norway. I haven't had a bottle in years, still I fondly remember it. I have recently taken to Shiner Bock after living in Texas for three years. The offshoot- I get a little snobby over a Bud. I like Miller Lite, I was weened on Miller Lite, I will still order Miller Lite, but I'd rather have an Aass or maybe even a Chimay when looking at the ales.

I came by this after working in bars that specialized in imported beers for over four years. I had to know the product so I could talk about it and recommend one when asked. So I have opinions and was paid to give them. Still, I could become snobbish when need be.

I also get a little elitist in entertainment. I get distracted when works get derivitave over three generations. Example: The Producers. Who cared about the musical movie? It almost sort of came from the Broadway show. But of course, who remembers the original movie? Gene Wilder! Zero Mostel! Peter Boyle! This is great stuff and just got dilluted. It makes "Young Frankenstien The Musical" seem five times removed from the original. Yuck.

Of course, Marie made me watch Momma Mia! the other night, and I enjoyed it. How derivative can that get! A movie based on a Broadway show based on 22 ABBA songs! That should be right in my snob wheelhouse, but I did enjoy it. It was like cotton candy and that's not everyone's taste, but so be it. I couldn't eat it everyday, but I enjoyed the fluff.

Ah, personal hypocracy exposed. But I want some credit for blowing the whistle on myself.

Some Things Do Change

In Texas, you will sooner see a congregation of Baptists at a bar and disco than on the wrong side of the field at a high school football game. Rick Reilly of ESPN the Magazine writes of just this sort of thing actually happening this season.

Reilly ends with this thought:

Anyway, with the economy six feet under and Christmas running on about three and a half reindeer, it's nice to know that one of the best presents you can give is still absolutely free.

Hope.

Merry Christmas and God Bless Us Everybody.

Some Things Never Change

Reading The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, I ran across this gem from 1937 where Tolkien is trying to get paid for some color illustrations to the first American edition of The Hobbit. Quoting page 20, "At the moment, I am in such difficulties (largely owing to medical expenses) that even a very small fee would be a blessing."

Dang, some things never change.

Merry Christmas Adam

Marie heard on the radio that today is Christmas Adam because Adam came before Eve. So be it. It's not festivus, but I can get behind Christmas Adam.

For a Christmas Present, Marie and I got each other a new DVD player, our old one got fried during a thunderstorm in mid-October. We also rented some movies today.

The Dark Knight was great--Heath Ledger made Jack Nicholson's Joker look like Cesar Romero's.

Hamlet 2--That was odd, I reacted to it like I did to "The Big Lebowski." I had no idea what to say. But, I do know this, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" will make the Rock and Roll Devotional blog. It's warped, but there is something to it, not much, but something.

Merry Christmas! We're celebrating with a candlelight service of "Lessons and Carols." Have a glorious holiday.

Don't Mess with Rambo

At one of the bars I managed, there was a bartender whose girlfriend was nicknamed "Rambo," and she liked the nickname. When they faught, she was definitely Rambo to his wannabe VC.

One day, she was particularly angry with him. While he was at work, the took his clothes from the closet, used scissors to cut out the crotch out of every pair of pants, piled it all onto the middle of their bed, and set the whole thing on fire.

When the Fire Department came and put it out, the bartender looked at them and asked, "Have you ever seen anything like this before?"

They just nodded because they had.

Man, I love my wife!

New Blog Idea-What Do You Think

I am considering a new blog that could become an interesting book idea, The Rock and Roll Devotional. The idea came to me late last night-of course without all of the proper warnings that should accompany a late night idea.

Before I went to bed, I started to consider a paper I wrote in seminary, The Gospel According to Lenny Kravitz, figuring one of the songs/parts of the paper to become an entry for this blog. Then it dawned on me that this may not be such a bad thing for a new blog.

Before going off on this endeavor, I want some input: What do you think? Is this the sort of thing you would read? Are there any publishers out there willing to spot me seed money?

Lamentations and Grace

• The paper came today. The Carroll County News reports that the statue of the Baby Jesus from the creche at Basin Spring Park has been found. It was damaged beyond repair and covered in Nazi grafitti. Two have been questioned, and since no information about them was given in the paper, I suspect they were juveniles.
• Four people, including two juveniles have been arrested after a crime spree of burglary, criminal mischief, and theft in Eureka Springs and rural Carroll County. They spray painted buildings, a city gazebo, and damaged several mailboxes-that one comes with a federal charge.
• The body of Kaylee Anthony was found near her home. Marie reminded me that her mother Kaycee had said all along that Kaylee wasn't far from home. It's sad how all the best lies contain a grain of truth.

It's hard to say "Merry Christmas" after looking at the paper. What people do is outrageous. Still, I read in scripture (Luke 1:26-38) that a maiden once told a messenger that she would be the handmaiden of the Lord, willingly. Such grace under pressure that would produce the ultimate grace under pressure.

We are in a sin-sick world, but once, a young woman said yes. Saying yes, she became the theotokos, the one who bore God into the world. Because she said yes, we can say yes to the offer made by the one she bore into the world.

Saying yes to the offer God makes always seems harder than saying yes to the stuff that makes us feel good. But when those birds come home to roost, it shows when left to our own devices, we pick the hard way everytime.

Axl Rose Is Miffed!

Axl Rose, front man and lead singer of Guns N' Roses is upset with the makers of the "Guitar Hero III" video game. The game, which allows novices to "play guitar" to some of the greatest riffs written, features not only two GN'R songs; it also carries the image of the band's former guitar player, Slash.

Actually, the current incarnation of GN'R features only one original member, and that's Axl.

This article came from the British web site DigitalSpy.

Guns N' Roses singer Axl Rose has threatened to sue Guitar Hero publisher Activision over alleged use of the band's music without permission.

Rose told fans on MyGNRForum that he is considering legal action over the use of 'Welcome To The Jungle' and 'Sweet Child O' Mine' in the series.

He said he is "fine" with former bandmate Slash appearing in Guitar Hero III, but he is not happy about Activision's "unauthorised" use of the band's songs."

I read about it as it moved along but Activision continually denied it right up to the release," Rose explained. "That's some low life chicanery on all their parts." (Evidently Axl took English at George W. Bush Middle School)

"Yes, Slash was in Guns and on 'Jungle' and he has rights to perform it, but not to be represented in this context in association with Guns," he added. "And since they weren't granted the license, it'll take some sorting."

Let's begin with a little clarification, not only was Slash in the band at the time, he co-wrote the dang song. That would give him some rights. He wrote the bloody music, the guitar part the game invites the player to mimic. Of course they would use Slash's image and not Axl's!

And I have a question about the "unauthorized" use of the songs. Given that this is the third incarnation of this game, and there are other editions of similar games, I'd think the game makers would have the copywrite issue down by now. The song has also been used in many other games without a problem.

The only difference is this time Slash's image is used and he's not in the band any more--this is Axl is upset. So sorry William Bruce, er, Axl.

picture from DigitalSpy.

Bad Puns and the Ways They Develop

Yesterday, Marie and I were in the office and she was listening to a Michael Card CD. This song started to play, El Shaddai. If I'm not mistaken, the usual translation for this Hebrew phrase is "God Almighty." If I am mistaken, the internet will burn with the light of a thousand pyres! (Too melodramatic, sorry.)



This is a lovely song, but my mind started to wander, and wander it did back to the 80's and the title of this Clash classic, Should I Stay or Should I Go.



Somehow, my mind connected these things and I came up with El Shaddai Stay or Should I Go. Marie is so proud to call me her husband.

Loving Gesture

Five years ago or so, I took the "Pastoral Care in a Hospital Setting" class at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. As a part of the class, Student Chaplains carried the St. David's Hospital Chaplain pager. Each night, one of the five of us in the class was on call. My first night with the pager, I got a call from the hospital. A man had died and it was my responsibility to be with the family and call the funeral home.

When I got there, a man was in the bed. On the other side of the bed, his grieving widow was in her wheelchair. Their daughter was with her mother. I don't remember if I said much of anything. One of the chief pastoral attitudes in this situation is that "it's better to silently feel foolish than to speak up and let everyone know."

I tried to be helpful, I did as the family asked. Again, this is often good pastoral care. But what struck me, what got me to my core was what the grieving woman did as she left. As her daughter was wheeling her out, the woman reached out and squeezed her husband's blanket covered toes.

That's it. A simple gesture that meant everything to her. "I love you," "I miss you," and a million other things were wrapped up in that little gesture, that tiny squeeze.

Do yourself a favor, before you go to bed tonight, grab your lover's feet, give them a squeeze, and even a little kiss if you want. If your lover asks what you're doing you can tell this story--or better yet--tell your own.

William Sloane Coffin on Presidental Speeches

This too comes from Volume I of The Collected Sermons of William Sloane Coffin, The Riverside Years, page 221:

"Anytime a president wants to be moral, he has only to point out that ancient faiths are confirmed by emperical events. A crisis always means that morality has again become pragmatic."

By the way, he said this about one of President Carter's speeches in 1979. It's still fresh today though.

Does this Shoe Make My Head Look Fat?

One of the sights I remember from the fall of Sadam was a little boy following his toppled statue down the street, slapping the head of the statue with his sandal. This was a tremendous insult to Sadam from the hands of a little boy. While this was going on, I was taking a biblical interpretation class on the book of Ruth , and I learned that footwear has a very special status in the far east.

You see, when the unnamed kinsman redeemer closer to Naomi than Boaz refused to redeem her, he disgraced himself by this deed. (The disgracing deed was not redeeming Elimelech's land for Elimelech's heirs, which could have caused the unnamed man great financial hardship. If you wonder how a dead man with dead sons can have heirs, you need an ancient history course.) To close the deal, the Kinsman gave Boaz his sandal.

Today, it is a sign of great insult to have footwear hurled at you. Considering what happened to President Bush this weekend, I think we may not be winning the battle for hearts and minds.

Reflections on Luke 1:26-38

So far, the most important thing I have read about this passage comes from a commentary called The New Interpreter's Bible. It says, "[Gabriel's] annunciation would not have been complete without Mary's trusting, obedient, response." (Vol. IX, Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1995, page 52)

We ask, "Oh why Lord, why don't you erase all of the wrong doing and all of the pain and all of the injustice in this world? Why is there disease? Why are children abused? How can you allow this to happen?" (I say "we" because I doubt I am either the first or last to ask these questions.) There is a grain in our beings that wants God to force creation into submission to right the wrongs in creation. We may think it's obedience, but it's submission.

The Lord seeks a loving relationship with creation, and love by coercion is no love at all. Coerced love is the keystone to any abusive relationship, and that is an arch that will never stand, not on earth and certainly not in heaven.

Coerced love is not love at all. God doesn't want to force us into submission because that's not what a loving relationship is at all.

So Mary was obedient, but not submissive. How's that for a place to start?

Here's a Blast from the Past

It's been a while since I posted some music. So...

The only thing harder to believe than this recording being 20 years old is that the song is about 30 years old and Frank died over 15 years ago. Frank Zappa is the only member of both the Rock-and-Roll and Jazz Halls of Fame. This song demonstrates why.

This song is called "Watermelon in Easter Hay" and is the last song in the third act of Joe's Garage, Frank's ode to garage bands, groupies, cults, censorship, and appliance fetishism. Just to show how odd a Zappa show could be, the next song in this set is his version of Whippin' Post. Now that's shifting gears. I was fortunate enough to see Frank on tour in 1982 on the "You Are What You Is" tour. Musically, it was something special.

Enjoy!

In Rememberence

I told this story in a sermon on November 18, 2007.

This is a true story. It’s a little over twenty years old, and it’s mine. The names have not been changed. No one is innocent.

In the summer of 1985, I finished grad school. But as a twenty-three year old with no professional experience in a tight economy I couldn’t find a job in my field, higher education. So, I went back to doing what got me through grad school, I went back to work in the bars.

While working at Buzzard Beach, a club in the Westport district of Kansas City, Missouri, I met a girl, her name was Megan. She was home in KC for a couple of semesters from the University of Wyoming because her grandfather was dying. She was taking education classes at the University of Missouri Kansas City, working at a hardware store, and playing shuffleboard at my bar. To make a long story shorter, I was taken by her. But too soon, in January 1987, she went back to Wyoming to go back to school and in an age long before email, we began exchanging letters.

That summer, she came back for a couple of weeks and when she did, she blew me off completely. I was ticked. Of course, I didn’t say “ticked.” There are bar words and there are church words, and I should not use the bar words here.

After some time of hurt feelings and a couple of more letters, I came to know that I had fallen in love with her. I decided what I needed to do is put my cards on the table, tell her how I felt, and let what happens happen. I decided it would be best to do this in person instead of in a letter, but I never got the chance. On December 13, 1987 Megan shot herself. When I got the call, I let out a cry that made God himself shudder.

I knew I needed forgiveness; forgiveness for being so angry with her; forgiveness for not telling her how I felt; forgiveness for not taking responsibility for my feelings and my actions; or inactions really. But I could not find forgiveness, so instead of forgiveness, I tried to hide.

I hid in work. I hid in a bottle. I hid in plain sight. Finally, I ended up hiding in Lamar, Colorado 81052. A little over a year after Megan’s death, I was running a dormitory at a community college.

After a few years in Colorado I began to hear that still small voice of the Lord, the one that told me if I was waiting to “be good enough” before going back to church, I would never be good enough and I would never go. So one Sunday, I ended up in a pew at the First Presbyterian Church in Lamar and began the journey that brings me to you today. But that’s another story; let me finish this one first.

I attended regularly and began reading my bible. I started to learn about grace and forgiveness. But one thought haunted me, no matter how hard I tried to deal with my guilt, it never went away. Truth be known, I was probably giving it away with my right hand and taking it right back with the left.

One night, at a Presbyterian revival service (yeah, a Presbyterian revival—it may be an oxymoron, but it’s still a true story) the pastor spoke on forgiveness. He preached on Matthew’s version of the Lord’s Prayer with special attention to 6:15, “but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Don’t get me wrong, I understood, to be forgiven I would have to forgive. But what did I have to forgive her for? She was the one who was in so much pain that she thought the only way out of it was to kill herself. What did I possibly have to forgive her for? Then, by the grace of God, I discerned an answer: I had to forgive her for forgetting. I had to forgive her for forgetting about her family, her friends, and I had to forgive her for forgetting about me. I had to forgive her for leaving. I had to forgive her. And in that moment, after nearly eight years of mourning, I did.

And at that moment, I don’t know if you heard the angelic choir or not, but at that very moment, at the moment I forgave, by the grace of God, I was forgiven too. I had held onto my mourning and sorrow for so long, when the weight was lifted I knew I was in the presence of God. At that moment, I was in a holy place in my life.

Wonderfully, about four months later, I met Marie. If I had met her any earlier, I wouldn’t have been ready, she would have seen it, and life as I know it would have been without the love I know today. Thank God I didn’t meet Marie one minute before I was ready to meet her.

Megan’s mom came to Colorado for our wedding. During the dance at the reception, I thanked her for coming. And I told her that I am a better man, and will be a better husband, for having known her daughter.

I say that this is my story, but this isn’t really true. First of all, I have many more stories than this one, but this is a very important one and was once the dominant story of my life. But more importantly, it isn’t my story, it’s God’s story. The Lord gave it to me so that in the end the glory of God may be known.

This happened 21 years ago today. I will call her mom this afternoon as I always do.

What is your story? What is the story the Lord has given you? How do you share it?

Peace be with you all.

Update
When I tried to call Megan's mom today, the phone was disconnected. I got in touch with one of Megan's sisters to find out her mom had a stroke just before Thanksgiving. She had been fighting cancer and all manner of other illnesses, so she is now in a nursing home. I was able to catch up with their family and I caught them up with ours.

Megan's sister recommended I not call, their mother would probably not even remember me. The first rule of pastoral care is listen for the word of the Lord, the second is listen to the family. I did not call. Peace be with you Nancy. Peace be with you all.

Insights on John 1:6-8, 19-28

For those of you who wonder why I choose what I do for my "Insights on..." blogs it is because it is the Revised Common Lectionary reading I will be preaching the next Sunday.

This is the Gospel of John version of John the Baptist's introduction. But there are some very odd things about it:

1. John is "just John." Not "the baptist," not "the revelator," not even "the beloved disciple." He is "just John."
2. There is no mention of Jesus (this for the second week in a row in the Lectionary).
3. None of the information about John found in the other gospels is in this account.
4. When the priests and the Levites ask him questions he doesn't give a straight answer. I mean he is way out in right field on this stuff.

To me, what this challenges us to do is read not just this story, but all of scripture, taking off the lenses of our preconceived notions. This isn't easy, but pehaps the place to start is by walking in the sandals of the priests and the Levites; be confused-and pay close attention.

It's tough. Listening with fresh ears is never easy, but it is worth the time and energy.

Son of Blagojevich

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

(D-IL) Weed

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

I have long said that there aren't too many Republicans in government, and there aren't too many Democrats either. But there are far too many politicians.

I fear that anyone who said "Now that Bush is out of office it's a new day!" will be sad to learn that there are still too many politicians around to make the integrity bell ring as loudly as any of us would wish.

I pray President-Elect Obama has the integrity to pull off what needs to be done. Further, I pray he will be able to corral those around him so he can pull off what needs to be done. I just wonder it that's the sort of task Sysiphus is glad he doesn't have anything to do with.

Not All Traditions Should Be Continued

For the ump-teenth time, the Baby Jesus from the nativity scene in Basin Park (Eureka Springs, Arkansas, USA) has been stolen. This year the theif made off with the whole manger, a concrete block anchor, and the chain that tied everything together.

Maybe I'm just becoming (have become?) a fuddy-duddy, but come on! Pranks like this (and that's all it is) are now boring. Beta Sigma Pi, the sorority that provides the nativity, has had to install security video to protect a manger scene. Come on, aren't there better pranks?

Two years ago was probably the best though. Two years ago, the abductor of the infant King was a seventy year old grandmother who was dared to steal Jesus by her granddaughter. Are we now so desperate for approval that a pensioner can be double-dog-dared by a teenager into theft? Peer pressure normally doesn't extend beyond a 50 year age difference-and shouldn't.

By the way, the woman and the court came to a settlement which she failed to comply with. She ended up doing an afternoon in jail because of a stupid prank.

I lived in Austin, Texas for over three years, the land of weird. So proud of weird that at Mardi Gras one year the city set aside and closed off a street where women could flash their breasts without fear of being accosted at the request of women who wanted to flash because it's Mardi Gras in Austin.

Friends, can't we grow up just a little? Take it from someone who knew his fair share of irresponsible behavior, you can grow up without growing old. Some traditions should be allowed to fade off into the sunset.

Boy is my wife mad at me...

I told Marie I went to Jared and she was so excited. Then I came home with a meatball sub and a toasted chicken ranch.

I hope the cats let me sleep in the spare bedroom.

Tales of Mystery and Imagination

Today, I sent this email to an Editor at Westminster/John Knox Press:

While I suspect someone else has brought this to the Editor's attention, I want to point out an error I found in "The Collected Sermons of William Sloane Coffin" Vol. 1.

On page 217, citing John 8:11, my copy reads "...'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin more.'" Within the text of the sermon that follows the references to this verse cite it properly.

As you can imagine, it caught my attention...and my imagination.

In Christ,Rev. Paul A. Andresen
First Presbyterian, Berryville, Arkansas

When I read it the first time, I thought Coffin might have been going for one of those "gotcha" twists. I love a good twist, and that one got me paying attention. In the end it turned out to be an error instead of a "gotcha." Oh well, mistakes happen--I make enough of them to be sure of that much.

Still...imagine if you will...

A Theology of Preaching in Ten Words or Less

In the Presbyterian Church (USA), a part of the process of seeking a call (in layman's terms--ministers looking for a job), part of the process is the candidate preaching a sermon in a "neutral pulpit." It's not preached at the chruch the candidate presently serves and it's not preached at the church seeking to call the candidate.

One day, as this was being explained to a congregation that would supply the "neutral pulpit" for a church and candidate, the man on the right of this picture, the Rev. Dr. Stan Hall, whispered in a voice that makes mine seem like a refugee from a boy's choir, "There is no such thing as a neutral pulpit."

The seminarians sittng around him, including me, fought to stifle a laugh. The pastor, who just happened to be Stan's wife Gail, said "It appears Dr. Hall has something to say about this." After chruch, Gail gave Marie (my wife) permission to hit Stan if he acts up again.

Still, after several classes in Homiletics, the study of Christian proclamation, I have not found a better or more consise theology of preaching.

"There is no such thing as a neutral pulpit."

Stan died about a year ago. God bless Stan. Go with God. Thanks for everything.

I'm Gettng Older

Yesterday I heard on the radio that Arby's has a service where you can send a text message and get the day's special. Now I don't know how this works. I guess you show the text message to the cashier and they hit a couple of buttons on the cash register and everything works out. For me there are two problems.

First, the closest Arby's restaurant is about 25 miles away.

Second, I don't know how to send a text. (Head hung low.)

That's right, I have gone from tech savvy to codger in a span of about 10 years. I can get and read a text message, but I don't know how to send one. I have turned the corner. Alas.

OJ's Sentenced

Weeks ago, I posted a comment on OJ's conviction, today I post on his sentencing. OJ has been sentenced to 15 years in a Nevada prison for kidnapping, robbery, and a gun charge. I have heard reports that he will have to serve between five and six years before being eligible for parole.

I have also heard OJ will have to thank his lucky stars that the judge did not sentence him to consecutive sentences, because he could have been forced to serve at least 18 years before parole eligibility.

Gee, I wonder if he'll find the "real killer" while he's there.

Ring a Bell

Today I was a Salvation Army bell ringer. The Berryville Rotary Club rings the bell every year at the local WalMart and today was our day. (Can it be any more small town than that?) I spent three hours out on the line today. It may not have been cold for Canada, but for Arkansas, between 20 and 35 degrees fahrenheit is just plain cold. Still, ringing the bell, watching people give, and knowing where it goes makes me warm.

What is amazing is how generous people are. Even more amazing is that the people who look like they can least afford to give-do give-and give generously. The money raised in these kettles will go to the Salvation Army in Carroll County, Arkansas, USA. Thanks to local Salvation Army coordinator Ed Leswig for asking our help. Thanks to Berryville Rotarians for giving their time. Thanks to all who chose to give in the red kettle today.

And all glory to God.

Please give where you see the bell ringers or at SalvationArmyUSA.org.

So Close, but No Cigar

Arianna Huffington was just John Stewart's guest on the The Daily Show on Comedy Central. Among their topics, she was talking about blogging and how wonderful blogging is. Trying to do some reflection, Stewart asked, "So it's like intimacy without personal contact?" and she replied "Yes."

[I hope they post the clip. If they do, I'll imbed it.]

Hummm, computer (check), intimacy (check), no personal contact (check).

I heard that sort of thing would make me go blind.

Truth in Advertising...For What It's Worth

I just saw an ad for the new "Budweiser American Ale." They touted it as a "top fermented ale." Big deal all ales are top fermented! That's a part of the definition of an ale.

That's like saying you like dawn because that's when the sun comes up.

As far as advertising goes, this is completely true and utterly meaningless.

As a former bar manager (Buzzard Beach, Westport, Kansas City, Missouri, USA), let me recommend a couple of beers:

Pilsner: Aass Pilsner (pron. Ouse), Norway. There are about 27 places in America you can find this stuff. They also make a superior bock and Christmas ale. For a wider distribution, check out the original, Pilsner Urquell.

Ale: Chimay-Brewed by the Trappist Monks of Chimay Abbey. When I worked the bar, I would always say "If I were poor, celebate, and European I'd be making this stuff. Instead, since I was poor, celebate, and American I'm selling it." Start with the red label, try them all.

photo from Beer.About.com

Here Comes Santa Cross

I found this little ditty at HomileticsOnline.com, where they report it qualifies as an urban legend. Still, I thought it deserved a hearing:

In the 1960's, Tokyo's largest department store decided to have its first-ever Christmas display. On the first day of Advent, the management called in the VIP's of the city's British colony for an unveiling. The nonpulsed bigwigs were confronted by the biggest Santa they had ever seen... nailed to a cross.

What makes me think this is an urban legend, frankly, I have no idea what is meant by "Tokyo's British colony." This seems odd and puts it in question for me. Then we can mention the outright absurdity of the whole thing. Sing with me, Here comes Santa Cross, Here Comes Santa Cross....

But regardless of the truth, is there greater Truth in this? In my thinking, one of two things is happening:

1. People with absolutely no concept of either Christianity or Western Culture bungled this thing to a degree that deserves applause (or a Monty Python skit), or
2. The people who created this thing were doing social commentary (whether intentional or not) that should make none of us comfortable.

I couldn't tell you, and if it's an urban legend then it's just academic. These two options are where I start. But when Marie read this to me today, I took a look at our culture and see what we have done with the holiday season and wonder if this story isn't a funhouse mirror reflection.

Our local Wal-Mart (did you know I lived in Arkansas, USA?) cleaned out the Halloween stuff at midnight on November 1st and started putting up Christmas. Chirstmas cookies hit the shelves the moment the pumpkin pies were sold out at Thanksgiving. To me this story shows a picture (caricature?) of what Christmas in the West has become, a mix of the religion and secular symbols which ultimately point to places we don't really want to go.

Santa on the cross is sick, but the consumer economy and culture in this country seems to be unconsciously comfortable with this image.

Whoops, Bang, Ouch.

In "Put Out the Fire," Queen's ode to the murder of John Lennon, Freddie Mercury sang:

Guns don't kill people.
People kill people.
People with guns.



Dummy.

'Tis Not the Season

Yesterday, a store employee was killed during the rush of consumerism called "Black Friday." I get it, I understand it; but I choose not to participate in it. What have we done that Thanksgiving now officially gives way to Black Friday? What kind of world is it where people get to the mall at 5:00 AM to face rabid crowds and "beat the rush"?

The altar of commerce has taken a human sacrifice. Probably not the first, surely not the last.

In a world that puts up a stink saying "it's time we put Christmas back into Happy Holidays" I believe the Lord would rather us put Christ back into Christmas.

How 'bout Them Hogs!?!

Well, I was shocked to see the Razorbacks pull out a 31-30 victory in the "Battle for the Boot," truly amazed.

Frankly, the Hogs looked great while the Bayou Bengals looked lousy in the 1st and 4th quarters. In the 2nd and 3rd it was vice versa. In the end, the difference came down to one missed field goal in the first quarter and a boat load of penalties in the final quarter by LSU.

Casey Dick looked great in the second half, unfortunately by that time, it looked like some sections of War Memorial Stadium were looking a little light. (Whoops go the fair weather fans!)

In the end, the Hogs end the season 5-7, beating two ranked teams (Auburn and Tulsa-LSU wasn't ranked but were close) and losing to teams they should have beaten (Mississippi State, Kentucky).

I am still a Huston Nutt fan, but I believe Bobby Petrino was reamed by the national media last year coming to Arkansas. This year's team did better than I expected, which is why nobody trusts me to pick their holiday bowl pool anymore. That and a really bad showing in 1988.

Consistency is an issue, whether against teams they should beat (Miss St) or quarter to quarter (LSU). They have the blocks to build upon for the future and I hope they do.

Skip, I hope you stayed for the whole game!

image copyright Arkansas Athletics

American Politics... or The Same Thing Only Different

Last night Gov. Sarah Palin was on the Greta Van Susteren show talking about the election, the post-election and the media. The Govenor complained, and rightly so, that her campaign was marred by comments and questions that had nothing to do with her candidacy, but were focused on her gender.

When this was being said, the first thing that came to my mind is that US Represenative Geraldine Ferraro said the same things 24 years ago when she was the Democratic candidate for the Vice Presidency.

On the other side of the coin, President-Elect Barack Obama ran his campaign on private money because he got all the private money he needed and more. Since his war chest was as big as a whale he did not have to take Federal Election Commission funds and be bound by the restrictions that entails. The Republicans objected to this, especially since 1) he agreed to take the federalmoney with the strings attached and 2) Senator McCain and the Republicans had to take the public money with its restrictions.

The first thing that came to my mind with this is that this is the same objection Democrats have made against Republicans since I can remember. The Democratic party candidate has never had as much money as the Republican...until this year.

Can we all agree not to use either of these arguments ever again since both parties have used them against the other; and due to the inherent hypocracy that makes them no longer credible?

Oh, we can't? Sorry, I'll blog about football on Saturday.

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful. It has been a tough year for us here at Chez Andresen. Marie lost her job. Her health hasn't always been great. I've spent so much time arguing with the insurance company, two hospitals, and the on-line pharmacy that it has become my second job.

Still I am thankful.

I am grateful God loves me like a child and I am grateful that God has trusted me to be her husband. I am a child of God, a man, a husband, a son, a brother, a pastor, a minister, a preacher. And I thank God she loves me.

For this, I am thankful.

Perls of Wisdom

Father of Gestalt Therapy Fritz Perls once wrote...

To suffer one's own death and be reborn is very difficult.

You said it brother. Not bad for an athiest.

Inflation with Three More Zeroes

Yesterday, a retired banker and I were having a conversation about the bailout of Chase on the heals of the big bailout. He said, "A billion here and a billion there..."

He was making an allusion to the old saying, "A million here and a million there and after a while it adds up to real money." When did this get multiplied by a thousand?

Sore Losers

I was reading on AOL that Hillary Clinton may not be eligible to serve as Secretary of State. As interesting (or not) as that was, it was the comments on the story that got my attention:

Jackie 5:34PM Nov 24th 2008
Why shouldn't secretary of State be ineligible we already have a President elect who is ineligible to be an American President. Born in the USA he is obviously not or he would have proved it by now.

IMA GROUCH 5:34PM Nov 24th 2008
While we're talking about ineligibility, what about the Supreme Court ordering Obama to deliver to them a vault copy of his birth certificate by December 1 to show he is eligible to be president. The Supreme Court regards their power very sacred and if Obama ignores this request, or fails to produce the vault copy then the court could rule him ineligible to be president. Then what?????

Wow, there's grasping at straws. As conspiracy theories go, this is a good one. But let me ask--Wouldn't every Obama opponent since Law Review looked into his place of birth? It would have come up in state races, it would have come up in the Senate race, and surely everyone from Hillary to W has covered this angle. If he were not born in America, Bill O'Reilly would have done a remote from a little grass shack long, long ago.

Another consipracy theory I heard dealing with "the games media played to get Barack Obama elected" was that "The Cosby Show" was released for syndication and cable outlets to "so Americans wouldn't be scared to vote for Obama." Oh my God!

But you know, there is a grain of truth in this. The problem with the logic is that it's over twenty years too late. If Bill Cosby did anything to make Americans less afraid of voting for an African-American with his TV show, he did it in the 1980's, not in 2008. That was when the opinions of voters my age were being cast.

If this is a consipracy, it must have been developed when Barack Obama was in college. Wait a second, where were Barack Obama and Bill Cosby in 1982? I smell a conspiracy! There is something rotten going on here! I bet there was no such person as Fat Albert either--AND HE WAS MY HERO!

Sometimes this country needs to take a nice hot bath and relax.

Thanksgiving Worship/Giving Thanks

This evening, the Berryville Ministerial Alliance held its annual Thanksgiving service. This year, it was at the Chapel at the Little Portion Hermitage northeast of Eureka Springs. John Michael Talbot led worship.

It was a wonderful service filled with praise and glory to the Lord our God and Creator--shared by Presbyterians, Methodists, Church of Christ/Disciples, the members of the Community of Christ, Nazarenes, and Roman Catholics. It was a glorious service and a glorious shared experience.

JMT did open with a story because he broke his microphone right before the homily. He told the story of an old Bishop and a well practiced liturgy. As he tried to begin worship, he noticed the mic was broken. Instead of saying the usual "May the peace of Christ be with you all" he said "There's something wrong with this microphone." The assembly responded "And also with you."

In his homily, he noted the many people who will be challenged this year because of the economy, local and nation wide. This is a time to show that as the people of God we are called to give thanks to God by responding to our neighbors in this time of need.

In my words, we are the instruments of how God will redeem the pain and suffering caused by greed.

This year, as usual, the offering went to the Loaves and Fishes Food Bank of the Ozarks, specifically toward Christmas meals for 500 families. You can give to Loaves and Fishes at:

Loaves and Fishes Food Bank of the Ozarks
301 Bunch Springs Road
P. O. Box 149
Berryville AR 72616-0149
870.423.4246

The Wisdom of William Sloane Coffin

"Had Jesus heeded both his parents and the religious authorities of his day, instead of saving the world he would have become the best carpenter in Nazareth. Were our chldren to heed us and the religious authorities of our day, they'd all become nicely packaged citizens--safe, polite, and obedient."

This pearl comes from "Credo" by William Sloane Coffin (Westminster John Knox Press, 2004, page 131). Coffin was Head of Staff at the Riverside Church in New York City during a tumultuous time in the life of our nation.

When I read this, I know what I think he is saying. What do you think?

This Just In!

Last night, I was flying through the channels and I noticed that the "Big Three" news channels, Fox, CNN, and MSNBC all had at the bottom of the screen a tab that said "BREAKING NEWS." Then on each network, the crawl under the tab had a different story. Can they all be breaking news?

I wonder if America hasn't become a nation of "urgency junkies." Everything has to be a disaster to get our attention. As for me, the opposite is now true. So much stuff on the news is "breaking" that now, I just gloss right over it.

And often when I do pay attention, I find that what is urgent is just an ad for what will be on the news magazine show later. It's not news, it's a teaser to get me to keep watching.

So what stories were they trumpettng last night? I have no idea. I watched "Dodgeball" on FX. Give me a funny movie over a shill any day.

Insights on Matthew 25:31-46

I have had a tough time this week trying to make heads or tails of this passage. Honestly, the reason why is that it is filled with rich images. The problem I had was finding the central one. That's when I lit upon the image-I was going off on tangents. Interesting ones, but insignificant ones all the same.

Here's the rest of what I found:

1. It looks like a parable, but it's not. It's an apocolyptic image tht puts the capstone on the previous six parables
2. It's not about saving our own souls, not about "becoming a sheep." It's about doing justice and bringing peace because that's where God is.
3. It's not about separating the sheep from the goats. That's not our job, it's God's. Any judgement we make is provisional.

In the liturgical calendar we celebrate Christ the King Sunday this weekend. This passage is about Christ's reign where we are the humble subjects. We best serve when we serve where Christ is, in the lives of the poor, neglected, and down-trodden. As people, we will behave like both sheep and goats, that's the nature of sin. But the judge of which we are is the Lord, not us.

Don't celebrate being a sheep, that's not what the sheep do.

Kissing Your Sister

Last weekend, the Philadelphia Eagles game ended in a tie. In the NFL, if after regulation time, the game ends in a tie, then there is one fifteen minute overtime period. If the score is still tied, then the game goes down in the books as a tie.

Unfortunately, the Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback didn't know this. He allowed time to expire without his kicker getting on the field to try a field goal.

In sports, they say a tie is like "kissing your sister." In this case, it reminds me more of the story of Jacob from the Old Testament who marries the wrong sister after his Father-in-Law tricks him and he doesn't realize it until he lifts the veil in the wedding chamber (Genesis 29:15-30).

Whoops, in that case, it's not kissing your sister, but kissing the wrong sister.

Nostalgia, or Something Very Frightening

I found this little gem from the Vermont Country Store Christmas Catalog...

Silvery Tinsel Tree for Those Dreaming of a Very '60s Christmas.

Remember the silvery tinsel trees from the '50s and '60s, so shiny, so wonderfully unnatural, so full of sparkle and light? So many of our customers wanted to re-create that magical look that we found them, complete with bursts of feathery soft, silver plastic needles. Both the 4' and the 6' trees sit in a sturdy metal base and comes apart for easy storage.

• 6' floor (#43196) or 4' tabletop (#44378) tree
• Shiny silver plastic needles
• Year after year of decorative fun
• Use with color wheel (#37064) for an explosion of color

Add glamour and fun to holiday decorating with sparkly, magical tinsel trees.

I tried to post a pic, but I can still put up the link!

Sing along! Have yourself a very cool Christmas...now.......

Cover Songs...or The Same Thing Only Different

Cover songs, or "remakes" if you will have a place in the pantheon of music--only if they are able to reimagine the song. I have told you of my love for Dishwalla's version of The Carpenters "It's Going to Take Some Time This Time."


Now I share another special cover. This song, "Mad World" was originally recorded by the 80's band Tears for Fears, a part of the 1980's New Wave British Invasion. Here is their original version:



Good song, odd video, strange dancing. These elements were the hallmarks of the "TFF" video of the 80's.

It was covered by Gary Jules for the movie "Donnie Darko." Here is that version:



This is what I mean by a good cover. Jules' version is quite different from the original. He is not just singing the song, he is reinterpretting it for a new audience. It is making it new again that makes it timely. That's the difference between "making music" and "making records."

It always makes me want to slap Michael Bolton every time I hear his version of "When a Man Loves a Woman." If you aren't going to change a note, what's the point? (Millions of dollars, yeah, yeah.)

Get the Percy Sledge and compare for yourself!

Answer to the Puzzle!

The direction you turn is........ uphill. (For everyone who is groaning out there, no where in my last post were the words "left" or "right." )

This was my epiphany, with no other clue of which way to turn, it finally dawned on me that it was logical that the ski lodge would be located uphill; and I was correct.

To come to this conclusion, I had to break out of my normal way of looking at things. I had to get rid of my old thoughts about street directions and think about where I would put a ski lodge. I had to break out of my usual way of thinking and consider a new logic that fit the paradigm of where I was better than the paradigm of what I was familiar with.

Scripture teaches us that this is not our world. We need to live like that, and make our turns accordingly.

Oh, visit Snow King Resort online at http://www.snowking.com.

A Puzzle

True Story--In my prior life, I worked in Higher Education. Before coming to the University of Arkansas I worked over eight years in rural southeast Coloradl. I was on my way with two co-workers to conference at the Snow King Resort in Jackson Hole (gutter work, I know). The address of the lodge is 400 East Snow King Avenue.

Coming into town, I found Snow King Avenue ahead of me at a "T" intersection. I'm in the long part of the "T" and Snow King is the crossbar. Ahead of me is a field so there are no addresses to see to tell me which way to turn. The lodge was far enough away so that I could not see lights in either direction so that's no help. The sun is down, so that doesn't help tell me which way to turn. After a moment I had an epiphany, turned, and got directly to the lodge.

The puzzle--which direction do you turn? The answer Sunday evening!

Are People Really So Different?

All right, so I'm watching "Deal or No Deal" while the laundry finishes up in the dryer (oh, all right, while Marie finishes up the laundry) and the guy on stage is pacing back and forth while Howie tells him his options ad nausium. What's so different between this and every other episode of "Deal or No Deal?" The guy was in a wheelchair.

I don't know his story, all I know is that the $1,000,000 case is still on the board and he's pacing. How does a parylized man pace? Back and forth, like everyone else paces. It was a thought that had never ever crossed my mind, but here it is. La voila!

A couple of years ago, a member of the chruch told me "Louie (not his real name) says I go to church enough for both of us." What pastor hasn't heard a church lady deliver that line? Me, I heard it from another man. I heard it from his partner.

I ask you whether we pace or love, are people really so different?

It took Sting to remind us "the Russians love their children, too."

More Music!

Imagine if you will...a Beatles song with Todd Rundgren on rhythm , Joe Jackson on Piano, and playing lead a string quartet that goes by the name Ethel. Enjoy!

Todd Rundgren, Joe Jackson, and Ethel on Late Night with Conan O'Brien


Joe Jackson is frankly one of my all time favorite performers. He started doing New Wave/Punk in the late 1970's and has evolved through big band, pop, jive, Latin, neo-classical...and a piece on the Seven Deadly Sins.

On his 1988 Double Live Album/CD Set there is a picture of an audience he took from the stage in Toronto while openning for The Who. You gotta love a guy with the nerve to put a picture of 80,000 people flipping you off on your own live album.

You gotta love Joe!

WWJD?

No, not "What would Jesus do?" I ask, "What would Jesus drive?" This is an old question, but with last summer's surge in gas prices, it takes on new urgency.

My answer: A pick-up, probably a 1500/150 with stock stereo, an extended cab, toolbox, towing package and bed liner.

Jesus was a carpenter. There are those in the "historical Jesus" camp that say he was more of a "contractor" than a "laborer". Regardless, he would need a place for his tools, his supplies, and his crew. The bed liner helps prevent damage and rust. He wouldn't upgrade to the Bose sound system or get the King Ranch package. If the AC went out, I don't think Jesus would bother getting it fixed.

As for the towing package, you never know when you need to bring extra material to the job site. Remember too, his buddies fished, the tow package is definitely a necessity.

Yes, a hybrid if available and powerful enough, either way Jesus would need substance over style.

Review of "The Shack"

I have just (I mean about two hours ago) finished reading "The Shack" by William Young. To answer the question "Did I like it?" will betray one of the concepts of the book. The book tells the reader that people make things far more complicated than God intended, and I agree. But there are several elements I want to review so I will make it complicated. With that, let's go--

As a theologian, I actually liked what the book accomplished as a theology primer. If you have read any other review, you will know that there is a thread of trinitarian theology throughout it. As I was reading it I was thinking to myself, "ooh, there's a great example of perichorisis," and "now that's a cool way to look at the economic trinity," and "there's the great look at the immanence/transcendence of God." In that regard, it is a very interesting and evocative view of trinitarian theology. It's not complete, and I wouldn't recommend citing it while writing ordination exams, but as a place to start, I liked it.

I also give Young credit for tackling some very difficult concepts of physical representation of the Trinity and modalism. This could not have been easy, and so cudos for even trying. I believe he succeeded in this as well as anybody can given the milieu of the novel and limits of language.

But being a jaded man, as literature, I think the novel was simply average. There was a tone of emotional manipulation that left me uncomfortable throughout my reading. The front cover of my trade paperback version tells me "The Shack" is our generation's "Pilgrim's Progress." The back cover tells me that the author "suffered a great loss as a child and young adult" without telling the reader the nature of the "loss." The novel itself is anchored by A Great Sadness with those words in italics throughout the text.

By the time I got to the 4th chapter, titled A Great Sadness, I felt as if I was being dragged through an emotional muck, much of which was supported not by the text of the novel. The most grieveous example being the author's use of literary devices including a "Foreword" and "After Words" which were not the notes of the author but of the narrator. As a writer friend of mine once wrote, this is the difference between the "author" and the "authorial I." My friend recognizes and revels in the device, blowing out the fourth wall (itself a device). Young seems to use it to manipulate the reader.

Further, the package itself invites the reader to get more copies for friends and book groups and tells of the windblown Media Group's difficulty in finding a publisher and their subsequent efforts to get "The Shack" made into a movie. I don't think Bunyon had to resort to that in the first printing of "Pilgrim's Progress." Add to that info about the book's tangent projects found on the fiinal leaves and I wonder if the popularity of this novel is the phenomenon the publisher will have you believe or if this is the best marketed Christian book of the past ten years.

All in all, it is a page turner, it is entertaining, and it is very moving. I laughed, I cried, yet I felt manipulated by the author more than moved by the characters. There is a theological value to the work which makes this a great youth study, women's group book, or even a supplemental text for a high school theology class. It is a good place to start, but it should by no means be the end all of theological instruction or relationship development.

cover photo taken from amazon.com

One more note, as I say I am jaded, this is more to my woe than an insult toward people who really like the book. Still, it is my bias, my jading and my blog.

Now That's Talent!

This week's sermon, is based on "The Parable of the Talents." According to their ability, the Master gives his slaves one, two or five talents. One of the things I did in preparation is determine the value of a talent in American Dollars. And the grand total (as of the November 12, 2008 spot silver open) is...

US$6,519.45

That would mean that the $700 Billion Credit Bail-Out comes to...

107,371,020.56 Talents

So our government is giving away over 107 million talents of silver to people who couldn't manage it in the first place, and I'm preaching a stewardship sermon. Well played!

Many say that this is not a bail out of big banks, it is a bail out for the American economy. I say we'll see when we see who gets the money. Will it be big banks with bad paper or will it be poor people about to lose their homes?

As Seen on the Ellen Degeneres Show!

The Ellen show last week featured a consumer reporter with "cheap fixes." One of them was a spray bottle filled with vodka to kill mildew. It is very useful to help freshen up clothes that have been in storage all summer waiting for the first chill of autumn.

So today, I went to one of my two local liquor stores and purchased a bottle of cheap, cheap cheap vodka, distilled with pride in the Russian province of Kentucky.

As I went to pay the $1.90 for 200ml of Aristocrat Royal Vodka I told the woman ringing me up about Ellen's money saving mildew killer.

Why do we do that? Why do we explain purchases to the people ringing them up? You know the biggest lie told in the mini-mart is "I buy it for the articles." (Hey, I imagine that's just as true for National Geographic as it is for the SI Swimsuit issue!)

Well, I answered that question for her and myself saying, "I don't know why I told you this...maybe it's just because if I was going to get a tiny bottle of vodka...I'd pick something a little less rotgut."

Yeah, that's right, take pride in your work!

Some Thoughts on the Parable of the Talents

I once promised some musings on the sermon before it is written...so here's something on the Parable of the Talents, Matthew 25:14-30.

1. Each of the three servants received according to their ability...there is meritocracy in this statement that can't be denied,
2. While 1 is true, the one who received least received an extravagant amount,
3. While 2 is true, to the Master these are just a few things...with many more things in the offing,
4. Those who made gains with the Master's assets were invited to enter into the joy of their Master, and
5. The servant's reaction to the Master anticipated the Master's reactions to the servants.

As far as stewardship goes, I think this means that we receive much from the master and we need to use those assets well. On top of that, it also means that "our" assets, "our" gifts, "our" stuff isn't "ours" at all.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Dan Krotz from Sow's Ear Antiques in Berryville sent me these images yesterday (click the thumbnail for the larger image):


As the old song goes, let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

A Dangerous Host

The October 7 issue of "Christian Century" has an article about ministers who celebrate the Lord's Supper at Friendship Park, a border area south of San Diego. The atricle says for generations, people have come to this place to visit family and friends on the other side of the border. Because of the war on terror, this place is changing.

On June 1st of this year, in a protest to the government policies, restrictions on the park and even its planned demolition, several area ministers have begun celebrating "a love feast" in the park, passing the elements through the fence. (A love feast was celebrated instead of the Lord's Supper so that the liturgical issues of different denominational interpretations of the meal could be set aside.)

Before this service, the Border Patrol told the people not to pass the elements through the fence. Doing so would be considered a customs violation.

It's about time we figured out how dangerous the Lord's Supper is. (No,my tongue is not in my cheek.) Regardless of how you believe the elements consecrate, we all believe that Christ said "this is my body and this is my blood," and we take and eat this feast until he comes again.

We believe Christ gave this meal to his disciples and to the world to fortify and build the Body of Christ, the Church Universal, to continue the work of God in the world. Our boundries are not His boundries. Jesus demands we reach across to all barriers, physical and otherwise, to do what he did, what he saw the Father doing.

This is dangerous stuff and the government says so. I say it is dangerous too, but not for the same reason. The eucharist builds the Body of Christ to transcend politics and religion--to make the world and the heart a holy place.

When Accountants Practice Medicine

Today, Marie had an appointment at the Neurologist's in Fayetteville. She sees him for migraines. During the visit, we had to talk about getting a "letter of medical necessity" for one of her drugs so it would be covered by the insurance.

We spent more time talking about insurance than we did about Marie's medical condition. This wasn't because he neglected her, it was because the insurance took more time.

I know that these procedures were put in place because some doc's abused the system. But now the system abuses the doc's and the patients. If it were not profitable it would not be so. But where ever there are people there will be abuse, we call it sin (go ahead, google it, I'll wait).

Any posting where "business" and "health" are both appropriate tags is a pox on all of our houses.

The Most Amazing Thing about the American Political System

I wish I could remember where I first read this: "The most amazing thing about the American Political system is that the government changed hands and the tanks did not roll in the streets." This was written about Watergate over 30 years ago and it still rings true today.

Congrats to President-Elect Obama. Congrats to Senator McCain. I just heard McCain's concession speech and it was a celebration of the joy of being able to run for the presidency with the continuing joy of being able to serve this nation.

Let us pray for both men, their families, and our nation.

Cartoon by Kurt Snibbe, ESPN.com.

Election Day

Election Day is finally here...get out and vote. If you all ready have voted, good for you!

So if you will allow me one more foray into classic rock, this song sort of reminds me of the last two presidential elections. Be with God Warren!

Pollitics for Dummies!

Earlier today, I got a phone call from United States Senator John Cornyn asking for my support. He wants me to come to the polls on Tuesday and vote. This might be the thing to do if not for two things:

1. I voted today, and
2. I haven't lived in TEXAS in almost four years.

One word, and this applies to any represenative of any American Political party that calls former residents who now live out of state: Dummy!

Keep in mind the computer that called my phone could have easily been programmed not to dial out of state numbers. I stayed on the whole minute just to cost the campaign the whole dime.

Now, how about that possible voter fraud thing?

How to Spend a $700 Billion Bail-Out

Here it is, "Spend It on Love" by The Rainmakers.

The Rainmakers

My taste in music has been called suspect. Well, I can't disagree so I will wear it as a badge of honor. One of my favorite bands is a Kansas City band called "The Rainmakers." They released three albums (yes, albums) on Polygram along with a couple more on Polygram's subsidiary in Norway.

This song comes from a self-produced and self released disc called "Skin" in 1997. Not the best video in the world, but listen the music and the lyrics...this is one haunting CD. Check out their website or YouTube for more of their stuff.

Fall Back Tonight

My favorite "Day Light Savings Time" story is, as it often is, a story of misspent youth.

My high school drama department did three shows a year. A play in the fall, another in the spring, and the big winter musical. When I was a senior, the last night of the fall play was the same night Day Light Savings Time ended. Of course there was a cast party which lasted long into the night.

The next morning when I woke, I went to the kitchen and said "hi" to my mom. She then asked me, "What time did you get home last night?" Without hesitation I told her, "3 AM." But she wasn't done with me.

"Honey," she asks again, "which 3 AM?" Again, I told her without hesitation, "The second time."

She then says, "That's right."

Either I was thinking or I was thinking out loud: "So why did you ask?" Either way, I don't remember an answer, but I do remember a sly smile on her face.

Love you Mom.

Be sure to set your clocks back one hour before going to bed tonight.

More from "The Daily Show"

I loved "The Daily Show" from the beginning with Craig Kilborne. But it became a better show and a more important show with John Stewart. Here's a snip from Thrusday October 30's episode.

Happy Halloween!

In one of my former lives, I managed a bar in the Westport district of Kansas City, Missouri. The holiday I hated worse than any of the others was Halloween. New Years Eve was amateur night, real partiers went to someone else's house. St. Pat's was a zoo, but it was also like preparing for the Olympics, you knew it was going to be stupid and took months getting ready for it. Still, Halloween was something else.

On Halloween, people would dress up like someone else to be stupid. People would say to the bouncer, "C'mon, don't you recognize me?" The only thing to say in response was, "No, and wasn't that the idea of the costume?"

I guess it did make for some interesting mug shots. Be safe tonight. In the mean time, here's a bit of classic Warren Zevon found by Char.

The Man I Don't Want To Be, Part II

The American General Election is less than a week away, we are in the home stretch which means one thing, we will soon be seeing ads for Christmas toys instead of politicians. (Insert rimshot here!)

As a Democrat, I was disappointed when Al Gore lost the election in 2000. Still, I didn't want to poo-poo George W. Bush just because he is a Republican. I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to be the uber-partisan who slammed the other guy because he was from the other party.

When W. made his speech from Ground Zero in NYC, I was proud of him. He was so presidential that day-and I had hope for his presidency. So when the Gulf War broke out, I wanted there to be WMD's. I wanted it badly! Alas, the mastermind of 9/11 is still alive and well; and our final justification for the war in Iraq is "Sadam is a bad man."

As true as "Sadam's badness "may be, it took a very slippery slope to make that justification for war. A war being fought years after Sadam's death. A slope that felt like a slide on a hot summer day wearing shorts...it burned going down and felt real uncomfortable after getting to the bottom.

I remember the '68 election from my "Weekly Reader" in the second grade. I am old enough to remember Watergate. Iran-Contra was my college years. Bill's trouser issues are familiar to all of us. Now once again in my life, I may have faith in the government, but little faith in the men who run it.

To heck with "values based voters," give me a "values based politician."

The Man I Don't Want To Be

This comes from the blog of Bruce Reyes-Chow, Moderator of the 218th General Assembly of the PC(USA):

[We] have masterfully exchanged the intimating visual of bullet-filled weaponry with the divisive use of vocabulary and verbal jousting.

Here are just a few examples from good folks that have crossed my "desk" and what I think are the implications:

SHOT: "We are striving for Biblical faithfulness."
READ: "Our reading and interpretation of the Bible is the right one and, not only is your interpretation wrong, you probably are not even faithful in your reading."

SHOT: "We are loving, thoughtful and welcoming."
READ: "You are only driven by hate and ignorance . . . and you probably REALLY like injustice."

Gosh . . . when those those are the first shots fired why wouldn't we just be one meadow full of unicorns and butterflies? ...[We have] become a people that are more concerned with being right than being faithful.

One of my dearest friends from Seminary and I come down on opposite sides of the question of ordaining Gays and Lesbians. We deal with this by not talking about it much. On the tree of our faith, we share a taproot which is fed by the living water of Jesus Christ. When you begin with that, you can go a long, long way together.

Still, with all of my might and with all of my hope, while I would never have Bruce's dialogues with another human being--God knows those very thoughts have crossed my mind (one being spoken by me, the other being spoken of me). I know they are both contrary to my calling and my vocation as a child of God. Nevermind being an ordained Minister of Word and Sacrament, this betrays my vocation as a child of God.

Through humility, through prayer, through discipleship, through fellowship with people I agree with and people I disagree with, through the Word and work of God, the love of Jesus Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit; I hope and pray that I may be saved from being the @sshole it is all too easy for me to become.

By the Lord our God, it is a fight worth fighting.

More Political Whoops

I do love The Daily Show on Comedy Central, this from Thursday October 23rd.



You got to admire the equal opportunity offender.

Don't tell me you didn't see this coming...

News outlets (including Time Magazine) are reporting that large companies hurt in the recent economic downturn have come to the government teat for some of that sweet, sweet milk.

Duh.

Let me recommend a movie...

If you have never seen the Johnny Knoxville movie "The Ringer" I recommend it. It is a very sweet movie about a man who tries to fix the Special Olympics. By the way, if this premise doesn't offend you, I haven't explained it well enough. It is about a man who tries to fix the Special Olympics.

Don't worry , it's really a sweet movie and was made in full cooperation with Texas Special Olympics. The DVD extras really bring out this partnership; and the bloopers are outrageous!

It was shot in Austin and San Marcos, Texas and in one scene, the lead character played by Knoxville goes to make confession. The exterior of the church where Knoxville makes his confession is actually the chapel at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary where I went to seminary.

What I loved about this scene is knowing that I preached in that chapel three times. If you want to see what it looks like, follow this link.

As heard on the Jim Rome radio program...

Times like this I am glad I live in America. This news comes form the Belfast Telegraph, written by Gary Fennelly.

A Swedish ice hockey game has been delayed several times after the ice became littered with sex toys.

Fans of the AIK hockey team in Stockholm brought items to the arena on Tuesday for a game against the visiting Leksand.

The start of match was delayed to allow staff to clear the ice of inappropriate items.
Fans held up profane banners and a giant inflatable penis in an attempt to unsettle Leksand defender Jan Huokko.

Earlier this year explicit video of Huokko (34) and his girlfriend having sex made it to the Internet after his mobile phone was stolen.

Two things are important to remember here:

1. While videos of personal sex-capades should always be personal, there is something to be said about them not being made in the first place, and
2. I'm glad to be an American where (usually) the strangest thing thrown on the ice is an octopus, and that only in Detroit.

Ick! You can decide for yourself which is ickier. As for me, I pick the former over the latter.

Sad Political Marketing

Let me begin saying, yes, I am a registered Democrat. So let me say as an "insider" to those "on the inside" bad marketing is just plain sad. Barack Obama's political organization is called:

OBAMA FOR AMERICA

You'll find this tag at the bottom of his webpage and I am sure on other literature. Unfortunately, this reminds me a little too much of:

BARTLET

FOR

AMERICA

I enjoyed "The West Wing." Bravo just repeated the episode where Matt Santos won the Democratic nomination after giving his "vote for the candidate who shares your values" speech. (Regardless of the candidates you support, this is very good advice.)

Still, I don't think a candidate's slogan/organization name should be so close to a TV show that it needs a footnote.

If this is how I see it, imagine how Republican Wonks see it. Of course, Obama has used this for months and months and Bill O'Reilly hasn't seemed to pick it up. Am I the only one who sees this stuff?

Perspective Means Everything

On November 18th, AC/DC released their first recording in eight years, "Black Ice." On November 23rd, Guns N' Roses will release their first recording in fifteen years (this is so long ago that their last albut was really an album, vinyl and everything!), Chinese Democracy.

When I was a teen, I was amazed that my parents would make a big deal about some old tyme band or singer putting out "new" music. "Ooooooooooh, Sinatra's still alive?" I would wax sarcastically.

I'm only going to say this once, in the words of Mel Brooks, we mock what we are to become.

Working Conditions in the NFL?

Kellen Winslow II plays tight end for the NFL's Cleveland Browns. I am not a big fan of Mr. Winslow. While in college he called playing football "war" as real soldiers were fighting and dying in Iraq. Then he almost killed himself in a motorcycle accident three years ago. I think he often writes checks with his mouth his talent can't cash.

Having said this, today, I agree with and stand behind Mr. Winslow. Really, no kidding.

Mr. Winslow has had two staph infections in last three years. There have been six instances of staph in the last three years at the Cleveland Browns training facility . (Click here to read a report from ESPN.com.) Because he complained about being sickened in a place where he was supposed to be healing, he has been suspended for the next Brown's game; being docked $235,294, one game's pay.

This is outrageous. Where personal health in the workplace is concerned, I say he should have every right to complain--and complain out loud.

Hey Cleveland Browns, Upton Sinclair called and he thinks conditions are deplorable.

Political Rhetoric with a side of Fear please!

In a recent poliitcal ad on TV, people "boo" like mad when they hear McCain say Obama wants to "spread the wealth around."

My question: Do the people in these crowds realize that they are not the wealthy? When number crunchers talk about the wealthy, "Joe the Plumber" is not among them. So why put up this kind of rhetoric?

Because it works.

More's the shame.

A joke...

When Aaron Sorkin was casting "A Few Good Men" he sorely wanted Jack Nicholson to play Col. Jessep, the hard nosed CO at Gitmo. In their meeting, Nicholson asked who else had been cast. When Sorkin told him Tom Cruise had been cast as the other lead, Nicholson was sold. When asked why, Nicholson responded,

"I have wanted to play opposite Tom Cruise ever since seeing him in Cocktail. I love that scene in the cabana bar when the lady orders a martini with extra vermouth and Tom screams at her, 'VERMOUTH, YOU CAN'T HANDLE VERMOUTH!'"

Have a nice day.

Political Parties as Usual

In a recent editorial, The Reverend Jack Haberer, Editor in Chief of The Presbyterian Outlook magazine says this about the current national presidential campaign:

Once both of these underdog party outsiders secured the nomination, their respective parties, determined to win the White House, switched on their marketing machinery to promote them. That machinery has honed its methods over the years, the most effective being to send chills of fear through the bones of the public about the dangers of electing the opposing candidate.

I have never considered this. I think he's right and it's a great point. The tenor of the national campaigns completely changed when McCain and Obama secured their nominations. When they were running their own campaigns, outside of the national party machines, things were much more civil. Once the national parties took over, everything changed.

My high school government teacher (Shawnee Mission North, Class of 1980, Go Indians!) taught that the only responsible way to vote it to find a party that represents what you believe and stick with its candidates because this is the only way the national agenda can be realized. Now I am beginning to think there isn't a national agenda anymore; if there ever was. It's just a political game of keep-away. More's the shame when good men get dragged through the mud of others.

Check out the entire editorial here. It's worth the read.

Happy Birthday Marie

This picture was taken on our first date. We went up the Cog Railway to the Summit of Pike's Peak. It was June of 1996 (which explains both snow and shorts) and she was so chilly I gave her my jacket.

After the love of God, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Her love is a gift from God, and I am thankful.

Happy Birthday Marie. I love you very much.