Jesus Wept, Lazarus Laughed, Megan Died, and as for me...

This Sunday's lectionary reading was the raising of Lazarus from the dead. This passage has many wonderful pieces and images, but the most famous is found in the King James Bible at John 11:35. You know it too, "Jesus wept."

Pastor Kemper Huber at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church in Longview, Texas preached a wonderful sermon using the Eugene O'Neill play "Lazarus Laughed". The link provides a synopsis of the show, but here are some highlights from the sermon:

• Lazarus returned
• People asked what it was like to have died
• Lazarus laughed
• He told them death was like life, but fuller, more bountiful
• He continued to laugh.

That became the hallmark of the show, Lazarus laughed in the face of all danger. He had died, what could scare him next? Nothing! In the face of overwhelming odds, in the face of certain death; there was nothing to worry about anymore. This caught on in the household of Lazarus and all throughout Bethany. "Death, where is thy sting?" Yeah, it's all gone.

This wouldn't do for the Roman Prelate. When death and fear of death are your weapons and suddenly there is no more fear of death, your biggest weapon is gone. Lazarus was sent to Rome to go before Caesar.Caesar threatened to have Lazarus killed. You can guess what happened next. Caesar burned Lazarus at the stake. You know what happened the whole time. The show ends with the "most important man in the world" bested by a laughing Jew.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed.

Kemper tied the theme of the show, Lazarus laughing at death with Jesus telling the world "Fear not." Christ conquered death. Lazarus shows us in John 11 and Eugene O'Niell shows us in the dramatized version of what happened next. In all of these situations, death is powerless. Christ saves us from mundane death. It's gone, hallelujah!

There was one problem with this. I have a the problem with the sermon, and a problem with the show. It's not a problem with Kemper's theology or even with the play, it's a problem with sin.

There is (at least in some circles) fate worse than death. There are times in the life of some people when "it" (whatever "it" may be) becomes so overwhelming that these people see the sweet release of death preferable to the cold hard existence of life. The people who say "Life's a bitch and then you die," yeah, those people.

Some people decide to get off the train early. The ones who get off before the final stop commit suicide. Death, the bountiful life after this painful life is so very seductive.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed, Megan died.

Those of you who have followed this blog know who Megan is. If you don't this link tells more about her and about a much younger me. I remember wondering how horrible Megan felt that she would take her own life. I gave thanks that I never felt that way and prayed I never would. Then six months ago, my world fell apart and I had an idea of how bad she felt. I did not want to feel like I felt another day, another minute, another moment. I knew this was a permanent solution. For those who would add "to a temporary problem," I would invite you to "enjoy the freefall" and tell me it doesn't seem like an idea worth considering.

This is the suicide issue when it comes to the "bountiful life" of death, it's seductive. The pain of life, pain which is too much to carry, is gone. All that's left is new life. Laughter. Yes, Jesus weeps, but Lazarus laughs. It's not healthy. It's not right. It's pretty bad for everyone left behind... but that guilt trip isn't your problem.

While considering all of this another Bible story came to mind, Job. Job's wife, after witnessing the calamity of their life together, suffering the same losses except for the physical boils, finally said "Curse God and die." She told him to commit suicide by use of the Lord. But Job was faithful.

Job's wife chose the sweet release of death for her husband. Job chose a  life to a faithful God despite the horrors of the moment.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed, Megan died, and as for me...

As for me, I've gotten a better medical diagnosis. I'm working hard to stay healthy. I'm eating better, exercising and working. I see a counselor and I see a Psychiatrist. I do the medical therapy and I do the talk therapy. I have good days and bad days. I have more good days and my bad days aren't anywhere as bad as they were even six months ago.

Life is far from perfect, but it is better than it was a year ago, far better. Getting better is a process, getting well is a dream, maybe even a pipe dream. Better is a goal. And I do all of this praising my savior who makes it all possible.

Jesus wept, Lazarus laughed, Megan died, and as for me... I am a better man than I was before I knew all of these things. Praise God!