A Tale of Parenting

As you know, I don't have children of my own, but that doesn't stop me from sharing my friends' stories. This one comes from sunny Lamar, Colorado 81052 (or at least the hinterlands). Since they don't know I am sharing the story with the world I'm leaving out the names.

It is also known that I love Steely Dan and wish everyone could know the Mighty, Mighty Dan. (On a side note, for those who think all Steely Dan fans are slightly dis-affected youths who are now in their 50's all I can say is--Guilty. Next...) These parents are Dan-fans too and I hope I had a bit to do with helping them introduce their children to their music.

So Dad tells me this parenting story--

One night their daughter came home late. Late. After curfew late. They were not amused.

Mom asked "Where were you? Where have you been with?"



After a moment of contemplation, daughter answers "Luckless pedestrians."

Dad covered his mouth and squinted his eyes closed tight. Mom said "Go to your room."

I think daughter knows her parents were not amused, but the Dan reference did make Dad proud. Pauley (how I was known to this wonderful family)is pretty proud too.

Is there a parent anywhere who doesn't have that moment? Upset in one moment and disarmed in the next? Yeah, go to your room!

Being a Jerk in the Name of the Lord?

Let me share something for a moment... I've been cranky lately. I don't like being cranky and people around me don't like me being cranky. I don't blame them, my cranky is real cranky. It's another reason my wife Marie should be loved and honored... She lives with me all the time. God bless her!

There was an item on the agenda from the last meeting of Grace Presbytery, an item that was very divisive. I was opposed to that amendment. Grace Presbytery posted this item online and as with all organizations, they hoped people would come prepared to debate. I was. Boy was I.

A note on the motion on the floor. The basic reason for its existence is that people don't trust each other. Everything is marked with the word "gracious"--yet without trust that's always going to be a tough nut to crack.

One of the items I found was that the way the amendment had been written, as proposed, within its own language, it could not have been approved at that meeting. As soon as the motion was made, I was going to drop the hammer and while debate would not have ended, effectively making a decision on that item would be all but dead for that meeting.

I told the Stated Clerk of the Presbytery of my plans so she would know where I was going. In football if you are going to have an Offensive Lineman eligible to catch a pass (usually they are not) then you have to tell the Referee. That's what I was doing, telling the Referee I was running a Lineman eligible play.

When the motion was made, one item was changed. One word was changed which blew my tactic out of the water. Boom! It was the perfect word. I had no evidence, but I was pretty sure the Clerk told the proponents of the motion what I was planning on doing. Frankly, the Clerk didn't like my motion, she wanted to get the item over with and done. So I wasn't upset that she warned them. She might have even provided them with the word they used to thwart my end-around play.

That didn't stop me though. Oh no. When the Clerk saw me in line I gave her a wink.

I asked the man who proposed the item what rationale was used to change the word he did. He really couldn't answer the question. He asked what I meant by "rationale?" I said "Why did you change it?" He consulted his expert on the subject. He answered that the Clerk had warned him that a member of the assembly was going to use the original language to prevent it from being voted on at this meeting.

I said, "Yes, I am that member." I'm a pastor, we're in the "confession of sin" business, what can I say?

So I asked, "Who was more gracious? The Clerk, the Representative of the Presbytery who told you what was going to happen or me who was going to use this against the motion?"

He said he didn't understand. I gave it another go, "The Clerk told you what was going to happen and I didn't, who was acting more graciously?"

Then he hemmed, he asked what I meant by "gracious." By this time, I had worn my welcome out by at least a full minute. I also figured that as far out of order I was, answering my own question would be severely out of order so I said, "I guess it's like whatever your definition of 'is' 'is.'" and sat down. Not a minute too soon.

Honestly now, what five year old couldn't answer that question. I was being a jerk and the Clerk was being gracious. I knew it, everyone in the room knew it. But for some reason this man could not say it. Why? I've got some speculation, but I have no facts so I'll let you draw your conclusions. They're as good as mine.

Let me say this again. I was a jerk. The book of James chapter 3 says something about me being a jerk.

Verses 9-10 say, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

Verse 17 adds, "The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."

My tongue was not filled with praise. My wisdom was full of something else.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I may have made my point that the Presbytery and its people are trustworthy. The folks are a wonderful group of people doing the work of God in Grace Presbytery. By building relationships, trust builds too.

So, being a jerk in the name of the Lord? It's really not in the name of the Lord. There must have been a better way of making my point because there the only way to make it worse would have included physical violence.

God bless us everyone.

Government Accountability

When I was working in Higher Education, the United States Education Department was being forced by Congress to be more accountable for the outcomes of students enrolled in the federally funded TRIO programs. This isn't bad in and of itself. These programs ought to be able to prove that they do what they are funded to do. This led to a squabble though, Congress had its own outcomes in mind, things that were never measured by the individual programs. It was a squabble and about that time I went to seminary so I don't know exactly how it was worked out.

Like I said, accountability isn't bad, but every now and them it's stupid. A case in point...

I recently went to our local Social Security Administration office. I was hoping to get the forms to try to get for Marie's disability. We figured it would be good to see the forms and put together the documentation before getting everything started.

It was about ten minutes before one in the afternoon. I was the only client in the office. There were two women behind roll up counters and an armed guard behind his station. I stood in front of the woman's desk. I was largely ignored. I said, "I would like to" before I was interrupted.

She said, "Take a number."

Really, take a number? I'm the only person in the room and I have to take a number. Ah, bureaucracy at its finest. So I took a number.

She said, "826" and I went to the window.

I asked if she had copies of the forms to register for disability. She said "No." They don't have forms anymore. I was told that it is available on line though. Then she asked "Would you like to make an appointment?"

I said, "No."

First things first, this woman is a worker bee, she's doing what she has to do. Her job calls for no imagination on her part. I bet even her responses are scripted from the computer terminal at her work station.

Second, I imagine this whole charade was a part of some accountability initiative. Through the computer some drone somewhere can see when I came into the office, how quickly she got to me, how long our transaction took place, and that I refused further service. That's a lot of information to be analyzed. If you consider the hundreds of thousands who walk into the Social Security Administration Offices everyday with their thousands of issues, this system will give them a lot of good information which may help with future services and products.

At the same time, being the only one in the room and being told to take a number is the stuff of unimaginative cartoons. Gary Larson would have been too bored to make it a panel on "The Far Side." Butcher shop mentality meets government accountability, it's our tax dollars at work.

Where I Was Eleven Years Ago

Eleven years ago today didn't begin like any other day. I was in my second week of seminary. My first class was at 9:00 on Tuesdays, Old Testament with the Rev. Dr. Kathryn Roberts. That day we were learning the Hebrew alphabet--our Alph, Beth, Gimel's. About 10:00 Central, the halls began to buzz. It was my second week at school. I didn't know the rhythms. Classes were about to change. I didn't know what was going on.

After class, I needed to go to the Financial Aid Office. There seemed to be a bit of extra hustle and bustle that morning, but again, I didn't know the rhythm of the place so I didn't know anything was unusual.

When I got into the office of Glenna Balch, the seminary's Director of Financial Aid, she was listening to the radio. On second thought, in this time before smart phones and good radio on the internet, people seemed to be huddled around radios. I asked what was up and she told me.

She told me everything she knew.

Together we listened to the radio.

After a while I noticed this was the moment when I knew what the people who first heard Orson Wells' "War of the Worlds" felt. There was a big difference though, this time it was real. Listening to the world crumble before your very ears is frightening. We were over 1,700 miles from ground zero and it was frightening.

As I said, this time it was real, yes, but I imagine you know what I mean when I say it was as surreal as it was real. Incomplete news reports, the Today Show switched to the live feed (it's a time zone thing), the Pentagon had been hit, the towers had fallen within the last hour, and United flight 93 was minutes away from falling. There was a lot more to come too.

Marie had become very sick, how sick we wouldn't know until November, and I had to get back to our seminary apartment to see how she was doing.

That night there was a meeting with the Austin Police Department, we were a low-level target. Then again, anyplace in the capital city of the President's home state was a low-level target. Training schools for Christian Clergy north of the University of Texas rated just below government buildings.

Eleven years later Osama Bin Laden is dead, the Iraqi Husseins are dead, much of the Old Guard Al-Queda leadership is dead. Thousands of American servicemen are dead and injured too. I can't tell you how it changed me. So much has changed since that fateful day I don't know what was because of 9/11 and what was because of my vocation in a post-9/11 world.

This I can say... God bless us everyone.

For those who died that day, Lord hear our prayers. For those who were hurt and injured, Lord hear our prayers. For the families of those who lost someone they loved, Lord hear our prayers. For the FDNY and the NYPD, Lord hear our prayers. For those who keep us safe in the military, Lord hear our prayers. For those in harm's way, Lord hear our prayers.

Only in Cub Scout Baseball

It's been a long time since I just told a story, and this one came back to me recently because of a friend who has returned to my life.

Moishe Sachs and I went to grade school and were in Cub Scouts together. Among the things we did was play Cub Scout Baseball. Let me add that I was awful! There's no other word, for the first two years I could not put the bat on the ball. I was just that bad.

One day we were playing and Moishe's dad Fred was calling balls and strikes behind the plate. All of the dads had to put on the mask at least once and that day was Mr. Sach's day. I was in the batter's box. I don't remember if there was anybody on base but I don't think so. The pitch came toward the plate, but it was a bit inside. I decided to stand tough, not move a muscle as it came below my hands.

Well, I misgauged the pitch, it was inside, but just a little higher than I thought. It hit the knob of the bat and rolled half way back to the pitcher. Well, I figured that I didn't swing so it wasn't a hit and it didn't hit me so I didn't get the free base. Everyone else must have thought the same thing because nobody moved. I didn't even hear anything from the parents' gallery.

Then Mr. Sachs said the magic words, "Fair ball." I didn't think it was a hit but I don't have to be told twice. I ran for the bag and the pitcher ran for the ball. The ball got away from the first baseman, so not only did I reach first--I got to second on the throw.

The Butt-Bunt was born. I might have been lousy, but people who were good never had stories like this one. They have enough sense to get out of the way.

God bless you Mr. Sachs. God bless you Moishe.

The Sky Continues to Fall

WARNING-PRESBYTERIAN JARGON AND LINGO FOLLOWS!

I am reading the proposed "Gracious Dismissal" policies from Grace Presbytery. I read the policy put forward by the Presbytery a few months ago, and with the exception of one section I can go with that policy.  The policy has a definite leaning toward the traditional interpretation of the Reserve Clause. For those of you who are not Presby Wonks, that means that in most cases church property decisions are Presbytery decisions, not the local congregation.

A group of Elders has put forward a different proposal which will probably be offered as a substitution motion. I haven't been able to get past one of the motion's foundational statements though...

Gracious Witness: It is our belief that Scripture and the Holy Spirit require a gracious witness from us rather than a harsh legalism. (full text from lines 30-31 of the proposal)

Here's my issue--I don't believe them. The tipping point that has led the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) toward schism is sexuality. Many of the people and congregations that want to leave the PC (U.S.A.) are using six (SIX!) pieces of scripture from the whole of the canon to create legal structures to exclude a group of people from ordained service. Using six pieces of scripture, pieces on which bible scholars argue meaning, to create rules is the definition of harsh legalism, not gracious witness.

I believe the fruit of the vine begins in the root. Hence I would believe that there was some "gracious witness" motivating this proposal if there was "gracious witness" at its root.

I have to read the whole thing, of course. It is my job as Presbytery Commissioner, but I must admit, using their own words from the 30th and 31st lines of a nearly 400 line proposal, my reading is already colored.

Having said that... Lines 30-31 of the substitute motion are lines 72-73 in the Presbytery's motion... Mistrust is mistrust without regard for who is mistrusting and who is mistrusted.

Pastor Paul's September Newsletter Article

Dear Friends in Christ,

Along with most of the Session Members who will serve this congregation next year, I recently attended the Presbytery’s Regional Leadership Development Training. There was a workshop on Officer Training that was a little history, a little theology, and a little rules and regulations. Another workshop was about Stewardship, especially how stewardship is not fundraising—it’s an exercise in discipleship. The third was on Church Transformation. This is the one I want to talk about here.

At the start of the workshop, the leader shared Matthew 16:13-14

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

Then he asked us to think about our congregations and answer this question, “Who do the people say that we are?” There were all sorts of answers coming from all over East Texas, some of them weren’t very complementary. People know the way the grapevine works and they were hearing some very sour things.

He then challenged us to change gears with verse 15 just like Jesus challenged his disciples:

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

He challenged us to take the turn again asking who we as the leaders of the church say that we are. This is where the workshop began to soar. Some say we are caring, others say we are giving. Some say we are welcoming. Others say we are aging. There were some encouraging words and others that were pointed.

He challenged us to know and remember the stories of the Body of Christ. As for this part of that body the Jesse Walker Bells and the Joe McDonald crosses. It includes the Dubach’s and the Abrahams’.

It’s the story of how the children used to hit up the men of the church for camp donations on the steps while they were trying to have a smoke before worship in peace. It’s the story of Glen Newberg ringing the Sunday School bell so people would get to worship—and ring it again when people wouldn’t get along into the sanctuary.

It’s the story behind the name “Ladies of the Evening Circle.” It’s the story behind the smiles you seen when someone says, “I’m confuuuused!” It’s the story of the first thing Miss Constance said to me after my first Sunday as your pastor. (Please ask me, I love to tell that story!”)

It’s the story of baptisms and confirmations and weddings and funerals and living everyday together faithfully. It’s the story of living in relationship with one another and with our Lord and God.

What was most interesting from the session was when people were asked why they worshiped at the church they worshipped, the answers were family, friends, and relationships. Nobody said that the reason they attended was because “Presbyterian polity spoke to me on a deep theological level.”

We worship a Lord who came became like us in every way except for the way of sin. The Lord Jesus calls us to come and join him in a better relationship with him, with the Triune God, and with one another. This was the message of Church Transformation, we must allow our relationships with God and with one another to transform us. We get to tell the old stories. We get to write new stories.

And there is one story we must never forget. It’s the story all Christians share. It begins with Matthew 16:15 and ends at 17:

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven.”

This is our joy, this is our blessing, this is our story. God sent Jesus to Earth to be in full relationship with the people so that we can be in full relationship with one another. Let this transform us and this part of the body of Christ.

See you in worship!

Paul