Here's a Truth My Father Told Me, with a Side Note

Again, as an obese child, people made fun of me. I was bullied. But here's what my father said about that, "Sometimes, children are cruel." He said that not only to tell the plain and simple truth, but in a way that added we will grow out of it.

Can I add that I was a child, and I wasn't always kind and wonderful? It might actually make my point, sometimes children are cruel.

The Apostle Paul said "When I became a man I gave up my childish ways." Guess what? My dad was right, but on a side note adults are childish and cruel too. It's the difference between being who we are in a sin-sick world and behaving like the children our Heavenly Father calls us to be.

As Gump once said, "...and that's all I have to say about that."

Lies My Father Told Me, Mother's Edition

Not long after I found out about my Father's other family, my mother asked me how I was dealing with it. I told her that while there was a lot to chew on, ultimately it was all done. I love my father and he loves me. She was happy with that answer. It wasn't until her funeral that I discovered why.

As our mother fought on her deathbed, a fight that we knew would be fruitless, my sisters went looking for the will. They were trying to get all of the paper ducks in a row before the big moment. It was the right thing to do, but it doesn't come without its pitfalls. In fact, my older sister didn't find the will for another couple of days, but she did find some other paperwork. This is how she discovered that our father wasn't the only one who had a previous spouse, my mother had a first husband too. Now for the big question? The one that still causes us to scratch our collective heads? Who is my sister's father? Is it husband #1 or husband #2. She doesn't know. None of us know.

The day after my mother died we met with the pastor about the service. By this time my older sister was racked with questions but I was still oblivious. Pastor Terry asked if there was anything we wanted to tell our mother. My sister bit her tongue, but the thought raged through her mind, "Hell yes, I've got something I'd like to tell you!" She told me this story that evening... with a big bottle of whiskey.

So what's the lie? Your secrets die with you. Trust me, that ain't so. And by this little secret, my sister now wonders about most of the parenting decisions our folks made, and how it colored her parenting. Here's a hard truth, sometimes the truth sucks. Theologically I'd say that's the nature of sin. Any way the wind blows, it's lies and the nature of lies that gum up the whole system, especially when we think we can take the whole kit-and-caboodle all the way to our graves.

...and people wonder why I have trust issues.

Lies My Father Told Me, Volume 2

Here's an old chestnut, "We're all one big happy family." In a way it wasn't a lie, it was an omission of important facts. You know, a lie.

We were a model Johnson County, Kansas family--Dad, Mom, two daughters and one son.  Demographically, we were the perfect '60's family. Now, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all tea and cakes. The neighborhood we lived is was pretty nice. Residential, school right down the street, no real poverty, but we seemed to have less than everyone else on the block. Still, I had my bike and Lincoln Logs and baseball cards and the Boy Scouts, we weren't rich, but by no means were we poor. Still, we really had to stretch a buck. Dad worked a series of odd jobs along with his regular job at TWA. He took wedding photos, he cleaned businesses, he even worked on the railroad.

That cooled down after we all tuned eighteen or so. My dad and I would even take walks and stop for coffee and pie along the way. One night he told me the story of a woman he met when he was in the Air Force. He seemed to be far away while telling the story, kind of like a man and the one who got away. I asked, "So why did you marry mom instead of her?" I was curious, son to father I was curious.

I don't really remember what he said, he mumbled, he started off with "Well..." and there didn't seem much to hold onto. Curious, but it that's all I'm gonna get then that's all I'm gonna get. Then for my 30th birthday I got a dose of the truth.

You see, he did marry that woman, they had two sons. For my 30th birthday I got two half-brothers. Surprise!

There it was, the elephant in the room. Why were we the poor people in Johnson County? (BTW-there are many worse places to be "the poor people.") It's because we weren't a family of three, we were a family of five. Of course my dad had to work his ass off, but since my folks never shared those little facts we just thought dad was never home. It wasn't that he wasn't there for us, he was so busy taking care of our family and his other family that he wasn't there for anybody.

You see, he lied about his other family because he believed it wasn't good for either family to be enmeshed with the other. In the end what this lie cost me was two brothers and my father. He did it for the sake of the children, and in the end it did not.

My dad tried and he was wrong. Maybe that's one of the great lessons of parenting, you will be wrong. Then again that's the lesson of being a child, your parents tried not to screw up--even though they did they tried not to.

Ultimately the product of the lie is that I never got to know what was going on and am none the better for it.

Lies My Father Told Me, Volume 1

Let's face it, parents lie. Often it's because kids aren't at a developmental stage where the truth would make any sense. This is why there are so many different versions of "The Birds and the Bees." So not all lies are bad, per se, but then again, every lie is a step further away from the truth. One of the first lies my father told me is that people don't care what you look like, who you are trumps what you look like. Such a lie.

We live in a society where appearance is all important, and in my many job searches since 1984 I have found this to be true.

Here's a nice story: A member of the congregation in Marshall once told me a story about my first day in the pulpit. She said when I entered the sanctuary for the first time, coming in behind the acolyte, she thought "That is a whole bunch of man." Then I opened my arms and said, "May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all." That was when she told  me I could be her pastor.

So, in a way my dad was right, once I got in the door, I was judged for who I was. The difficulty now is finding another part of the Body of Christ, where the people will judge me for who I am, not how I look. Now that wasn't something my dad ever warned me about.

So what's this all about? Here's something I know: One day I will be judged for not being a good steward of my body. I am a fat man. This is a truth.

But I will not be judged  as someone who chose not to consider a possible pastor because of appearance. Those people are living my father's lies.

Pastor Paul's Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Review

Let me begin by saying a little about myself and my expectation for the show: I'm a 50 year old white guy who loves football and music and not talented in either. I walk into the show expecting a show that features a musical performer will be more about the music than the spectacle. If you want to say "Er, Paul, Super Bowl? You're not looking for the spectacle?" you've got a very good point. It's just that I want the music to be spectacular too. My take, my opinion, you may believe something completely different. That's cool, God creates in many colors. If you don't agree that's fine.

So let me add, the halftime shows that I enjoyed since the turn of the century were U2, Springsteen, Prince, The Who, the Stones, and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I will also say that The Who and Petty sets weren't everything they could have been. I've reviewed The Who show in this space (Roger's pipes aren't what they used to be) but not the Petty (seemed a little light and those were ARROWS shooting across the field, not what some folks thought they were. They're the "Heartbreakers" for the love of Pete! ARROWS SHOOTING INTO A HEART!). U2 and Prince ROCKED!

As far as the technical aspects of the performance goes, Beyoncé's voice was so much louder than everyone else it was truly a Beyoncé show. So be it. This becomes an issue when she shares the stage and especially the spotlight with other performers. I couldn't hear the flaming guitar over Beyoncé. When it came to the Destiny's Child reunion I could hardly hear the Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams parts either. So the over-focus on Beyoncé was a distraction for the audiophile guy in me.

Then color me suspicious... Yes there were some times when Beyoncé did improv into the mic as if to say, "See, I'm not lip-syncing, I'm singing!" but then she put the same mic into the crowd during the finale. Beyoncé's voice came through loud and clear, the crowd noise was mute. So, color me suspicious.

But then again, it was conceived and birthed as an entertainment spectacle, not as a musical performance. It was a dance show, not a musical act. I get it. But it's just not my cup of tea.

Does that make me a 50 year old guy who doesn't understand what's going on with today's kids? Well, I was 15 when my dad was 50, and if that's any barometer then yes. It was only later when I discovered my dad wasn't the complete fuddy-duddy I thought he was.

By the way, Alicia Keys anthem was wonderful. It wasn't Marvin Gay at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game, but it was in the same league.

Another Bar Story-This One of Mystery and Intrigue

One day while doing my managerial duty stuff, I answered the phone. So far so good, right. On the other end of the line was a prosecutor from Greene County, Missouri, the Springfield area. He told me that he was investigating a fraud. He had a woman named Jane Poe (not her real name and that's not all) who was seeking WIC and other benefits for her newborn child. The problem is that according to the Social Security Administration I had a woman by the same name working for me in Kansas City. And yes, I had a Jane Poe working for me.

He told me that he suspected his Jane Poe was using my Jane Poe's information to get illegal benefits.

So I went on the hound dog trail and after a couple of days discovered the truth: there was a fraud being perpetrated, not against him but against me. You see, he had the real Jane Poe in Springfield. I had Jane's sister Lynne. You see Jane was over the age of 21 and could tend bar, Lynne wasn't 21 and it was illegal for her to tend bar. Lynne took Jane's ID and got herself a job at my bar.

When I was sure of my information I called the man in Greene County back. He told me "Wait, I'm investigating a fraud here!" I told him "Yes you are, it's just not the fraud you thought it was." He was finally convinced he had the real Jane and I had the real Lynne. Jane got her benefits and Lynne got fired.

See, not all bar stories are beer and blood. There's some real Micky Spillane some days.

Lawyers, Guns, and Money

I went home with a waitress,

the way I always do.

How was I to know,

She was with the Russians too!

-Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns, and Money"

You won't find any legal-eagle details from my end. You will find them on one of several favorite News Channels and Web Sites. The news is that President Obama has signed several executive orders tantamount to controlling the kinds of weaponry that can now be purchased by civilians in the United States. Like I said, I don't know much. I don't know if it bans sale or possession. I don't know if current owners can keep their weapons. I don't even know what kinds of weapons.

I will make one assumption about kinds of weapons. I assume the controls do not extend to every weapon in America.

Let me begin by letting you know where I stand. I'm not opposed to weapons in general. I love venison! I don't care if it's brought down by bow or rifle. Some people hunt for meat to extend the family budget. It is a form of harvesting God's bounty. As for taxidermy, well, I'd prefer hunting for go rather than for show, but that's up to the conservation people not the gun people.

The second thing I will let you know is that 25 years ago my girlfriend committed suicide with a shotgun. She and her friends were going hunting the next day. Guns in the house to go hunting? Yeah, that's not stupid. Were they locked up? If one of the guns was hers she would have access to the cabinet so that's neither here nor there. My point is no amount of gun control would have prevented that. No use blaming anyone and a gun for that and I don't.

My real question is why do civilians need weapons that can rapidly fire in high quantity? That one I don't get. My reflex is to say no civilian needs that kind of fire power. A friend from suburban (formerly rural) Olathe, Kansas displayed his guns, including two weapons that looked like the kind that would quickly fire lots of rounds. The clips on them would hold lots of rounds too. What does a man in suburban Kansas City need with what looks like an assault rifle? Is he a criminal mastermind involved in a violent trade? No. Is he living in fear of criminal masterminds involved in a violent trade? I don't know. I really don't.

I would welcome someone teaching me why these weapons are necessary in civilian hands in the United States, especially in the suburbs. Seriously! I am genuinely curious! Teach me! Also, expect me to ask more questions if I continue not to understand.

Now to take a different tact, let's check out some George Carlin...(Blue language warning! By the way, I don't agree with what GC says about God. Now if he rephrased it to talk about how some folks "speak for God" I'd have much less problem with that. Go to 7:43 for the pertinent part.)

Carlin says something Mr. Sparks, my high school government teacher used to say. Mr. Sparks taught that as long as rights can be defined and redefined we have no rights. Do we have freedom of speech? Well, I can't just go into a classroom and begin teaching what I want to teach. The teacher would be upset. The administration would be upset. That would eventually make the police upset and I would learn that I did not have freedom of speech in that time and place. (Give it a try, you'll see what I mean.)

Constitutional provisions would apply because public education is a function of government. (Private schools have their own protective laws.) Still, because of time and place I don't have a right to address a classroom just because I want to be heard. (Again, give it a try, you'll see what I mean.) Technically, in this case I do not have a constitutionally granted right.

So do we really have any rights if they can be taken away? Carlin says no. Our government says we have rights but some of them can be curtailed. If you don't believe that give the Patriot Act a good read.

First though, what is an executive order? Wikipedia says "the intent [of the Executive Order is] to help direct officers of the U.S. Executive carry out their delegated duties as well as the normal operations of the federal government." So they help direct the Executive Branch do what it does and how it does it.

I guess the constitutional question will be are the Executive Orders signed by President Obama legal or not, constitutional or not. It is not the right of any given Congressman or the man on the street to decide. This one will be left up to the courts to decide. Let them do their job I say.

If the orders are found legal (or whatever) they will remain. If not they will be vacated. An example of a vacated order happened when the Supreme Court ruled in Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer, 343 US 579 (1952) that Executive Order 10340 from President Harry S. Truman placing all steel mills in the country under federal control was invalid because it attempted to make law, rather than clarify or act to further a law put forth by the Congress or the Constitution. (Italics added because that will be the final test of these Executive Orders.)

This is a long post, but I hope it's useful. Here's what I say:

1. The President signed some Executive Orders limiting weapons in the hands of civilians.
2. They may or may not be constitutional.
3. It will be up to the courts to decide.
4. If rights can be defined and redefined it can be asked if we really have rights. Some say no, I see their point.
5. I can't understand the civilian want and need to own weapons made for military combat. If there is a reason beyond "I want to start a war" and "I'm afraid someone wants to start a war" I'm listening.
6. I don't get it, but I'm willing to listen and learn. I can't promise I will agree with you, but I will respect your right to your opinion hoping you will do the same for me.

I guess it's worth adding that somewhere in the middle of my list we can add "Many people will do a lot of yelling and screaming" and "Much of it will be overly emotional spouting with limited use beyond the cathartic." With that it's worth quoting Warren one more time...

...Send lawyers, guns and money

the shit has hit the fan!