Dallas Needs Strippers!

ESPN Reports that Dallas strip clubs need an estimated 10,000 more strippers for this weekend.  With 60 licensed clubs in the Metroplex, according to the article, each will employ an average of 160 more dancers this weekend.

Well, it cold be worse...


By the way, no, this isn't my proudest moment, but sometimes you just gotta share.

My Beef Isn't with Taco Bell

This week there has been a big bru-ha-ha over Taco Bell Beef.  A group in California is suing the restaurant contending their taco meat is only 35% beef.

In response, the company has taken out full page advertisements in several large metropolitan newspapers saying their taco meat is 88% beef.

What upsets me is that the FDA benchmark for the amount of beef required to be in taco meat is only 40%.  I'm glad that someone is looking out for us.  Thank you FDA.

Come to Think of It, That Does Look Familiar

When I was in seminary in Austin, Texas, we would often go out to eat at a Pizza Place by campus. Since the seminary was just north of the UT campus, everything was definitely Longhorn centered. Then Marie pointed to an image on a flag in the restaurant, this one...

Then she looked at me and said, "Look honey, the UT Medical School must have a Women's Health Unit, there's their logo." I was puzzled. She continued, "Honey, look! It's a uterus and fallopian tubes!"

You know... come to think of it... I guess we spent way too much time seeing fertility doctors.

Customer Service

The Customer Service buzz has been around for years now. It has been well over twenty years since the buzz hit higher education and other service industries. Marie and I attended a customer service workshop as a part of our hospital orientation at Good Shepherd Hospital-Marshall yesterday.

One of their concepts of service is that if someone asks an employee where something is, they take you there. Sure, this can take five to ten minutes, but even if you are in the midst of three additional errands, you take them there.

Of course this didn't happen when we tried to find the room where Orientation was being held. Irony works like that.

As I have a propensity to be a crotchety ol' SOB from time to time with a wicked sense of humor, I also thought it would be nice to point out a sign at a local market where the Express Lane asks you to limit yourself to "about twelve" items. Seriously, about twelve.

That way the people who carry two things of the same thing can feel better about counting them as one. If you have 3 two-liter bottles of your favorite soda, you can count them as one since only one has to be scanned and the other two can be entered on the key pad somehow, making the process much quicker. I would believe it still prevents you from thinking of "bacon, lettuce, and tomato" as one item, but we're getting closer to sane change from people who think "a whole cart full" is close to "twelve." (Don't know how many times I've seen that at Wal-Mart all over America.)

Instead (yeah, six column inches on the screen and now I get to the "instead") I want to talk about two pieces of good customer service.

The first was at my local Brookshires store, the home of "about twelve." Today, I had one item, a bag of chips for Marie's lunch. I was at the back of a longish line when a woman said, "Sir, I can get you over here." When the man at the back of the line on the next lane over heard this, he moved over and got to the head of the line. He had about a dozen items in a hand basket. The woman looked at him and said, "Sir, pleas let me get the man in the line behind you first since he has only one item." I don't know if he liked this or not, but I loved it... and her!

As for the other great piece of customer service, Friday night Marie and I went to Longivew, Texas and ate at Red Lobster. Our waitress was fabulous! Her name was Jessica, JK on her badge, and she was great! Friendly, always there to refill drinks, remembering what we were drinking, great with food suggestions and very very prompt. On top of that, the food was fabulous. It was probably the best Red Lobster we had ever eaten in period end of sentence. Ever. Kudos for the Longview Red Lobster and for JK!

Remember, tell someone who has made a difference in your life that they have. It goes a long way with them... and it doesn't hurt to pay the complement either.

How About the 2011 College Football Season!

This from ESPN.com's Brian Fremeau was published January 14:

We know, it's early.

But with the 2010 season officially wrapped, we can't help but take a look ahead at what 2011 will bring.

You know what I say, RESIST! Stop it! Stop it right now! Just one week after Auburn beat Oregon in the NCAA BCS Championship Game there is someone who wants to predict the 2011 season winner.

Enjoy it while you can Tigers. But at least you got a whole week to revel in the glory. At this rate I bet the 2011 champ won't get to celebrate at all. I'm guessing the 2012 champ will be crowned about Thanksgiving weekend this year.

Sarah Palin and Blood Libel

I would like to thank Governor Palin for this much, if I am any indication I would like to thank her for teaching an entire generation the term "blood libel."

Here's a video of the Governor's statement, this version is from Governor Palin's facebook page and hosted at vimeo.com:

Sarah Palin: "America's Enduring Strength" from Sarah Palin on Vimeo.

If you are like me, you went to Wikipedia and read this, "Blood libel (also blood accusation) refers to a false accusation or claim that religious minorities, in European contexts almost always Jews, murder children to use their blood in certain aspects of their religious rituals and holidays." Thanks WikiWorld!

There are lots of thing to be said about this, but in my opinion none have said them better than Ruth Abrams in her blog The Versatile Writer. She writes:

Sarah Palin is not a member of a persecuted, segregated minority. Though she has resigned her legitimately elected office, she’s a political leader who is being accused of overblown, violent rhetoric. Of that I think she’s actually guilty. I’ve read the things she said and seen her little gun sight map. I don’t think her rhetoric is the key issue underlying the Tuscon shooting–it’s not even in the top three key issues, which are gun control, the lack of adequate mental health care and the stigma attached to seeking mental health care. [BTW, I don't agree with her stance on gun control as an issue in this matter, but I do agree with her stance on the state of mental health issues in America. -PAA]

But look, Sarah Palin, if someone shoots one of your political opponents and thousands of people turn to look at your gun-related metaphors for how to vote her out of office, it’s not “blood libel.” It’s people saying your wild west, violent, anti-intellectual style is as dangerous as your reactionary political substance. It may be opportunistic, but I’m glad they are. Now cut the cultural appropriation and pull up your socks–take some responsibility for what you say.

In her video response, Governor Palin says "each individual is accountable for his actions" saying this is not the time to blame talk radio or other such media for the actions of deranged individuals. What the Governor fails to take into account is that you should blame the person who yells "fire" in a crowded movie house as well as the person who starts the stampede. Media have been screaming "fire" for years and are now in shock when somebody fires.

She also mentions late in the piece that the cry from some politicians to "take up arms" is a metaphor for voting. I guess this means the 2nd Amendment's right to keep and bear arms is a rephrasing of voting rights. I'm glad we got that out of the way.

Finally, at about the 2:15 mark,in a place where Governor Palin extols the benefits of political rhetoric, she mentioned "maps of swing districts that were used by both sides of the aisle." Yes, both sides of the aisle. I'll take her at her word on this, but then ask the question every parents asks every teenager, "Would you jump off a cliff if everyone used sniper sight imagery in their civil political rhetoric?"

I pray somebody begins to say no and demands better from those who will govern us. We must demand more of those who we elect to office. In fact, let's quit electing politicians and start electing leaders.

John Stewart on Saturday's Arizona Shootings

The monologue from Monday's episode of "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central.

Arizona Shootings Reaction

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> The Daily Show on Facebook

Once again, that's all I have to say about that.

Ration after the Irrational

Some of my friends have been trying to make sense of the violence of this weekend. Shoot, I gave it a shot in yesterday's sermon myself. Still, there is a danger in all of this.

These acts yesterday were the acts of a man with real mental trouble. I am not fit to diagnose, not will I ever be called upon to judge his mental health. But after hearing some interviews and seeing his YouTube videos, he did not seem to be in perfect mental health to me.

So when people of good conscience try to make conclusions beyond his actions, there will be some lapses.It's inevitable! What Jared Loughner did was beyond reason. Some political rhetoric in the Cable News Sphere and the Talk Radio Sphere and the BlogoSphere and the Twittersphere and whatever other else spheres are out on the other side of civility too. But to connect the two, trying to create a relationship that says one causes the other is perilous at best.

Friends, don't try to make sense of the acts of a killer. It's not going to help. What we must do is take responsibility for our own actions, our own speech, and our own images. Which reminds me, this isn't the first time a "peace sign" has been replaced by the Mercedes-Benz logo, but can we try to make it the last?

And That's All I Have to Say About That, The Coda

Yeah, I realize it's a stupid heading title, but alas, it fits. Since this is the coda, you should read the next post first.

Over the past eight hours or so, something that I have noticed missing from the sermon piece is that I speak of a Jewish woman, a woman whose faith is important to her, and use it in a Christian context. Literally, I take her shooting, I take her story, and put it in an a-Semitic setting.

I say a-Semitic instead of antisemitic because I neglect it entirely! My writing is completely without reference to her faith and that's what the prefix a- means, without.

So, how can I talk about what has happened to this woman and put it in a Christian context?

First, John 4:22 (references here) reminds us "salvation comes from the Jews." Any Christian who takes an antisemitic stand fails to remember this most basic of all truths, salvation comes from the Jews.

Second, my denomination, the Presbyterian Church (USA), has made a statement that the Jews have always had a special relationship with the Lord, further saying that this relationship did not end with the life of Jesus of Nazareth.

Finally, what happened in Tucson transcends denomination, it is a tragedy of at least national proportion. If I split the hair in my sermon too finely by not mentioning Representative Giffords' faith, I apologize.

It was an oversight, not a slight.

And That's All I Have to Say about That

Yesterday there was a tragic shooting in Tucson. Someone seemingly decided that... well, I have no idea what Jared Laughner decided. But as the Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church in Marshall, Texas, one of my responsibilties is to interpret this for us. This is a late draft what I am going during worship on Sunday morning from my sermon titled "Living Wet."

The premise of the sermon had to do with living into the covenant of baptism, living in the waters of our baptism. Yesterday, it took a different turn.

In due time, Jesus would give the world a new righteousness, a new relationship with the Lord open to all of us, not just the prophets of the Old Testament. But this was not the reason he came to the river. Jesus had come to the river to do the right thing. He came to accept the baptism of John. And in his obedience to righteousness he did what was pleasing to God, receiving the anointing of the Holy Spirit, hearing the glorious voice of the Lord.

This is as far as I got by Saturday afternoon. Then I checked facebook and when I did I found out about the shooting in Tucson. I read about a mad man who took more than a dozen shots into a crowd at a political event, killing six including Federal Judge John Roll and a nine year-old girl, wounding twelve including U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords.

It seems that in times like these, when chaos looks like it is going to swallow us all, that people come to church seeking answers, seeking a word in the Lord. Today I speak about righteousness that comes in relationship. I speak of a man who takes a baptism that is not his, but he takes it on behalf of all of us. He accepts the baptism of water to stand with us in the waters of the church. He has chosen to live wet in the waters of our baptism, a baptism he does not need, but chooses to accept.

It’s funny how many of those images will return around Easter time. Then he will take what should be assigned to us again. Then he will accept a punishment that we deserve, not him. And he will do it on our behalf.

Today, we come to the font, accepting three new members into this community, a community established in the waters of his baptism and in ours. Today we will come to the font and ordain and install new leaders, Elders into this part of the Body of Christ. One of these Elders has served the congregation and the Session faithfully. The other has served the congregation faithfully and begins serving in a new ministry today.

Today we will come to the table to share the Bread of Heaven, the Body of Christ broken for us and the Cup of Salvation, the Blood of Christ shed for us. In our reading today, through the Baptism of the Lord, we are again called to remember our own baptism. Our baptism is a bath, a tomb, a womb. Our baptism is a gift which identifies us with the community Jesus calls into existence every day. A community he founded and a community he joined in the waters of his baptism, done through a righteousness which is a gift freely offered which we freely ask. In the waters of the baptism we share together, we live a wonderfully wet live.

As for yesterday’s shooting, I have no new word. I have no new insight. I have no new wisdom. What I have, the only thing I ever always have, is the promise of the Lord our God. The only thing I really have to say about this is that as we are called to live in righteousness, in relationship with Jesus Christ. And as in the life of Christ, sometimes we live wet in the waters of our baptism; and in other more terrific times it is in the blood of the cross.

Lord, hear our prayers... My the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, our rock and our redeemer. Amen. (Psalm 19:14)

Sabbath

Today was my Sabbath, my day of rest. As a Pastor, the usual Sabbath, Sunday, is my biggest day of work during the week. Sunday is actually my Monday, but it's a much more wonderful and glorious than Monday was when I worked in Higher Education.

So what did I do on this Sabbath? I slept. I got out of bed at 7:00 to take out the trash and I got donuts. Have I mentioned that the donuts in Marshall are fabulous? As a matter of fact, yes, I have.

After breakfast I took a nap. After the nap, I read and I prayed. Then I took another nap. Then I took Marie to the library where I took a book and read some more. Eating dinner, we watched a couple of episodes of a from BBC America called Torchwood. Now, I'm telling all of you about my mundane day and getting ready to finish my reading.

This is halfway to unusual for me. Often there is a Presbytery thing which takes from my reflective and rejuvenatory time. Sometimes it's work around the house. Today, it was all Sabbath!

Tomorrow there's work. There is taking the Christmas decorations out to the shed. There's the trip to Wal-Mart to return a lousy vacuum cleaner. There's finishing the sermon and trying to whittle it down to about twelve-hundred words so that we don't finish in time for a late, late supper. (This is because tomorrow we will also be celebrating the Lord's Supper, Ordaining and Installing New Officers, and Welcoming three new members.)

I have all ready joked that Sunday's sermon may well be a reading of the scripture followed by me saying "Yep, amen."

So God bless, and my your Sabbath be as wonderful as mine. I think there's donut left, but don't tell anyone.

Bowl Inflation

Alrighty, I'm pushing 50 years old. I know that's not so old, but frankly, to the greater half of the American population, I might as well be their grandfather. But that's not what this is about.

When I was your age... (nobody likes to hear that, do they) college football bowl games ended on New Year's Day. That was it! I remember when it was scandalous that the Rose Bowl went to the second of January!

Today, we're in the age of the Bowl Championship Series, and dozens of other bowls have found that there's gold in them there bowls, so bowls have proliferated like nukes in the 70's over the past ten or fifteen years. But still, when it came time to get down to business, when it came time to play the majors, when it came time to play the BCS games, they had center stage and it was great. So the Rose Bowl has been played, the Sugar Bowl has been played, the Fiesta Bowl has been played, and the Orange Bowl has been played. So tonight, tonight it's the biggest game of all...

That's right, tonight it's the GoDaddy.com Bowl from Mobile, Alabama featuring Middle Tennessee State verses Miami of Ohio.

Look, I love college football, but can't we get this over with? How far do we have to go past New Year's Day with college football? What's the GoDaddy.com bowl doing in the midst of the BCS games? When will someone say enough is enough?

Oh yeah, when the goose is cut open so we can get all of the eggs out at once. I read that somewhere once before somewhere.

Tucker Carlson Backpedals as the Defense Comes in for the Sack

A few days ago, pundip Tucker Carlson said that Michael Vick should not be a football quarterback but should have been executed for his dog fighting crimes. To this I wrote on facebook:

First, I believe what Michael Vick did to cause his incarceration was deplorable. The length of his incarceration is up for debate, some said it should have been longer, BUT Michael Vick did the time he was given. Having said that, does Tucker Carlson believe that everyone who has ever been in prison should be executed, never allowed the opportunity to make amends? If Michael Vick is treated like this in the media.

Oh, "pundip" is a word I've invented, it's a portmanteau of "pundit" and "dips..." well you get the picture. Feel free to use it at will, there are many pundips out there on both sides of the political aisle. Back to Tucker...

As posted on Huffington Post, Carlson is backtracking from his statement. He says, "This is what happens when you get too emotional."

As for me, I've quit watching TV news for just this reason. "Reporters" and "Analysts" are too emotional. There is no reporting, not anymore. There is rhetoric and there is posing, but there isn't any reporting anymore. Give Carlson this credit, he indicted himself for the crime of all Cable TV pundips, but he still doesn't get it. He says,

"As a friend of mine told me, 'a convicted child molester doesn't get to adopt kids'" Carlson responded. He quickly added that he wasnt comparing Vick to a child molester.

Sorry Tucker, you don't get to drop the "child molester" bomb and follow it up with saying you aren't comparing him to a child molester. You did. Here's the FoxNews feed--

Keep backpedaling Tucker, by the way, I'm not buying that pump fake.

Read Any "Good Book" Lately?

It's that time of year, time to begin new habits. One of my favorites is reading the bible through every year. In the past, I have read through the New Revised Standard Version and the New International Versions. Last year I read the New American Standard Bible through. I find it interesting to see how different editors and editorial committees make the translation choices they do. This year, I'm taking a slightly different tack and reading the New Living Translation. You can get this one pictured here.

I've chosen this translation this year because I haven't spent a lot of time in it and thought it would be about time I tried something different. Picking the translation you want to read is as easy as that.

So, it's not too late to join. Your local Christian Book Store and every big box bookseller on earth can hook you up with a copy. There are 44.5 million websites that will help you find a one year reading plan. Or you can check out this one, with links and support, from my friend The Practical Disciple.

Be blessed friends, join me and give it a go!

The iPhone iRritant

How many times have you seen this in one place or another...

You're in a public place and it's an event, and you're enjoying what's going on. Then you notice all around you, held up just above head level, is a flock of iPhones recording everything so that their owner doesn't miss a thing.

I just saw this going on in Times Square on New Year's Eve, during the ball drop. Friends, wouldn't you rather watch the ball drop than watch the viewfinder of your cell phone watching the ball drop?

If you're looking for a resolution for this year, be in the moment people. Live what is happening with the people it is happening with. If you share the video with people and say, "I was there," no, you weren't. You were the cinematographer.

Put down the iPhone, pick up your kids.