Congrats to Alan Parsons at the ACM Awards

Plagiarism, it's a nasty word for a nasty theft. Lady Antebellum has made a mint off of this ditty. Good for them. Is the Alan Parson's Project getting any love? Only from people who know where it came from first. Love the song or hate the song, these melodies are way too close to be a coincidence. Vanilla Ice thinks it's too close to be a coincidence.

On another note, I finally heard the whole song all the way though the other night. It's about a couple trying to hook up on a late night booty call. Ah yes, drunken emotionless sex, now that's record of the year material.

Paul reviews "Paul"

The UK Release Poster

Marie and I say "Paul" last night at the local cineplex and absolutely loved it. She could not stop laughing and neither could I. The movie contained some of the best sight gags I've ever seen. But honestly, there are some things about the movie you might not like.

1. If you don't like gay innuendo jokes, steer away.
2. If you don't like or get nerd humor, steer away.
3. If you are a fundamentalist Christian and really hate it when people make fun of you and your faith, don't even steer into the parking lot.

Honestly, this is going to be the focus of my review because it's a review of me. I really hated the way the writers, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost who also starred in the movie, dealt with fundamental Christians as people who are ignorant and simple. They treated the fundamentalist characters as less than human because they eschewed sophistication for faith in something greater who is the Creator (as they see the creator of course).

Frankly, I wasn't fond of this portrayal because I share enough of these prejudices that it makes me uncomfortable.

Now the movie was hilarious, I laughed out loud several times.  It's a great "fish out of water" movie.  It's a great "sure, we're nerds, but we are who we are" movie.  It's a great road trip movie.  It's a great buddy movie.  The love story, not so much but oh well, love stories in comedies that aren't romantic comedies always fall short. (So do the recent crop of romantic comedies, but that's another matter.) There's a sight gag at the end of the movie that's worth the price of admission.

But I can't get past the whole fundamentalist thing.  If you think you're smarter than a fundamentalist Christian and you think that makes you better than any fundamentalist Christian, well, then this won't bother you.  Honestly, I have to admit as I point this finger out, three others point back at me, and I'm paying attention.

I say let it bother you.  Reflect on what this type of joke says about us and how we look at humor.  We don't laugh at black-face any more.  We don't laugh at stoner humor (much) any more. Why do we make fun of people like that and when can we stop.

I recommend this movie, and so does Marie.  Just keep in mind, gay nerd fundamentalist Christians will want to spend money on another movie.

Thanks to the Dollar General Store in Marshall, Texas

Today the church received a donation from the Dollar General Store on HWY 80 West in Marshall, Texas.  We received gift cards, bags, and candy which will go to people in the hospital and nursing homes.  We will also be able to use the gift to provide pastoral care not only to members but others who need uplifting.

We're not ending world hunger, we're not reaching world peace, but we're reaching out to people in Marshall and if we don't start there we won't ever be ready for the rest of the world.

Thanks again to Amy and all at Dollar General!  Thank you and thanks be to God!

A St. Patrick's Day Tale

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!


This tale, written by Philip Chevron (acoustic guitar and background vocals on the video) is about the immigrant's tale. It's bittersweet and nostalgic, it's mournful and hopeful. It's what I expect from The Pogues. To tonight, as you heft a pint of the Stout (NOT a Black-and-Tan unless you're itchin' for a row) remember those who have come seeking better life.

Rest in Peace, Miss Lucille

I heard today of the death of a parishioner from my prior posting in Berryville, Arkansas.  She died with family around her moving painlessly from this life to the next.  She was a lovely lady who lived to an advanced age and she taught me a thing or two about being a pastor, lessons I learned the hard way.

The first thing I learned from her is I have to be imaginative and think fast.  Presbyterian Kosher and Presbyterian Acceptable are two different things.

She was a life long Lutheran and wanted to die a Lutheran and wanted to also become a member of the First Presbyterian Church in Berryville. When I was asked how we could do this, I immediately went to my Book of Order training and took the most direct route saying she needed a letter of transfer from her prior church to this one.

Well, that wouldn't do for Miss Lucille.  She couldn't give up her Lutheran identity. Someone else then asked me, "Couldn't she just do a Reaffirmation of Faith?"  Immediately it dawned on me that of curse we could, nothing said we couldn't!  So I affirmed we could do that, but the damage was done.  Miss Lucille did not become a member and soon quit attending.

But there was another lesson I learned, you gotta be ready when someone tells the truth.

She said the biggest barrier in joining, or even worshiping with that part part of the Body of Christ is my obesity.  She said my fat got in the way of the word of God.  She also asked me to pray that she would be able to get beyond it.

Now, know this, I'm fat--really fat.  I call my blog "There's a Fat Man in the Bathtub with the Blues" because I love the song, but also because there are times when it's pretty darn descriptive.  Please also know that it hurts when people say, "Dude, you're fat."  Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names gnaw at your psyche for years and years.  But know this too; she didn't hedge her words, she came right out and said them--and that's better than trying to mold words into a pleasant package.

She didn't candy coat her words and she owned them. She also noted that she didn't think it was good, she knew it wrong to focus on one over the other.  But I wonder how many of the churches I met with in person before receiving the call to First Presbyterian Church in Marshall, Texas said "Dang he's fat" without even considering "Dang, could he be our pastor?"

(Oh, I'm glad the one that absolutely did is here in Marshall, Texas!  Thanks be to God!!  Can I get an amen!!!)

Some pastors in my former Presbytery hedged around the prospect of my obesity being a stumbling block toward me receiving a new call and chalked it up to a problem, my problem.  One even said I may never get another call.  Of those who focused on the fat, only Lucille saw the issue as more than my girth.  Only Lucille owned up to the prejudice being her sin.  Only Lucille asked me to pray with her about it. Only Lucille sought restoration through Christ for her judgement of my appearance.

I can't say it wasn't difficult, and I can't say it didn't hurt, but I can say she taught me something hard, important, and positive.  I can't say so much about the others.

Lucille, you taught me.  You taught me to be creative and seek redemption.  You taught me to think outside of the box and think first of Christ.  Lucille, thank you, God bless, and be at peace in the church triumphant.

The Official Ladder of NCAA Basketball

Today I learned that Werner Ladders is the official ladder of NCAA Basketball.  Werner even makes a nine foot tall model exclusively for NCAA Basketball.  Yes, the official height of a basketball rim is ten feet so a nine foot ladder is perfect.

I don't know what makes me shake my head harder, that the NCAA would sell the rights to be the official provider of ladders, that someone would want to be the official provider of ladders, or that this partnership has been going on since at least 2008.  It's a push.

Welcome to America where we'll sell just about anything.

How the NCAA Should Punish Cheaters

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am a fan of the Arkansas Razorbacks.  I worked at the UofA in Fayetteville for several years around 2000 and that pig helped my family buy our first house, so I am a fan.  Also, I have to say that if the recent allegations against the Razorback Basketball program have merit, this or similar punishment also apply. Fair is fair.

Finally, I believe the Hogs beat themselves in the 2011 Sugar Bowl.  Mistakes plagued the team more than the Buckeyes.  Still, that doesn't change the score, Ohio State Beat the University of Arkansas and that's what will be remembered.

So, now that that's out of the way...

Jim Tressel, coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes, reported a violation of NCAA rules before the 2011 Sugar Bowl against the Arkansas Razorbacks.  The University and the NCAA came to an accommodation that allowed all of the players found in violation of NCAA rules to play in the Sugar Bowl in exchange for the suspension of the players for the first five games of the 2011 season.

As a Hog fan, I didn't like it, suspend the cheaters now, not later.  But alas, the deal was done.  There was talk of the deal being done in a "Don Corleone" way, I do this for you, you do this for me.  Was there fire?  I don't know, but I smelled smoke.

But according to reports, Ohio State Coach Jim Tressel knew more than he confessed. He got a deal, but "The Don" would never have taken the deal if there was more than was reported.  You never lie because the cover up will always be worse than the original crime.

Ohio State has suspended Coach Tressel for two games (against Toledo and Akron, please, my grandmother could coach Ohio State past Toledo and Akron and she's been dead fifteen years!) and fined him $250,000 (no matter how impressive that sounds, compared to what he has made as the head football coach of Ohio State it's not going to sting).

So, how should these cheaters be punished?

Vacate victories? Cut scholarships?

No and no.  Nobody would ever remember the vacated victories.  We remember games played, not games vacated, except for Bobby Bowden, and that's a horse of a different color.  As for vacating scholarships, there is not reason to punish a third string lineman for something a star does; and it's never going to be a star who will lose a scholarship.  Vacating scholarships hurts the wrong people.

So who should be hurt? How should they be hurt?

Here's my idea:  Force Ohio State to return its Sugar Bowl payout.  That's right, force Ohio State to return their $8.5 MILLION payout for playing the game.  That may get somebody ready to enforce the rules.  Tressel said he didn't know the rule so the players wouldn't have known either.  For $8.5 MILLION, I imagine the coach would make time for the school's enforcement coordinator, and believe me, they like all major programs have enforcement people.Further, any money that went to the Big Ten Conference from the Sugar Bowl should also be returned.

This way, nobody looks the other way.  When you begin to lose money for your school and the conference, people will stop looking the other way.

Also, while $8.5 MILLION isn't huge when compared to the expenditures of higher education and athletic departments, believe me, that'll leave a mark.  It's also 34 TIMES greater than Tressel will be fined.  We're leaving the ranks of chump change.

The greatest value of the NCAA is that they can negotiate better deals for schools, schools who follow the rules.  Violate the rules, hurt the team.  Violate the rules, hurt the conference.  Take the money from the cheaters, everything else is window dressing.

There's Audio in Them Thar Internets!

Good news everyone!  I have finally gotten a digital recorder and the proper cables to record worship from the church soundboard.  Add to that the software to edit and convert and sermon audio is now a reality!  Thanks be to God!

This podcast is of Ash Wednesday's homily, "Fasting with Full Cabinets."

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The scripture reading is from the Rev. Rusty Rustenhaven, Pastor of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church in Marshall, Texas.  He and I shared the celebration on Ash Wednesday.  We will be back together again for Maundy Thursday next month.

So please, be sure to tell me how this works for you, I'd love to get more information.

Finding What You're Looking For

It has been reported that Iran is considering boycotting the 2012 Olympics in London because the logo, a stylized rendering of the Olympic year, 2012, resembles the word "Zion."

I guess that if you're always looking for a "Zionist Conspiracy" you'll always be able to find one.

How about boycotting because I still can't see either a "2" or an "N" out of whatever that is in the lower right corner.  How about boycotting because it's really pretty ugly?

Oh, that's happening too.  Never mind.

Beating Others Down in the Name of Jesus

Yesterday at the Presbytery Meeting, my dear friend the Reverend Rick Brooks pointed out that people come to the meetings ready to vote on the issues. I think he's right. I hope that everyone came to the meetings informed and prepared. The information has been available on line through the denomination long enough to look at. But I also hope that people will be open to the leaning of the Holy Spirit. If they are led in a way to change their vote I pray they would.

Still, Rick is right. People come to the meetings knowing how they will vote.

But this raises another point, nobody has even come to life in Christ by losing an argument.

Often people seek the "right words" so that they will not let Jesus down when talking about the Lord. This is not a bad thing either. Yet, often people feel like when talking to others about their faith that they have to convince the other. Like somehow winning a holy debate will win the day for Christ.

I don't think so.

This is pretty ironic considering how many words I use in a day, both spoken and written.

Maybe it is better for us to begin with our eyes, ears, hands, and hearts. These things present Christ to the world in ways our arguments never will. Actions do speak louder than words. So watch, listen,and learn. Seek and respond. Because beating others down in the name of Jesus has never suited the kingdom of heaven.

Grace Presbytery Ratifies Amendment 10-A

PRESBYTERIAN POLITY FOLLOWS!  Actually there is more than that, but you probably figured it our with the blog title's spoiler.

Today Grace Presbytery voted on the overtures from the 219th General Assembly. The hot button topic was Amendment 10-A. (The full text of the amendment can be found on pages1-2 on this link ) Many say this is the amendment about allowing the ordination of sexually active gays and lesbians. It is more accurate to say this amendment allows for the nomination to ordained office for gays and lesbians.

Some would say this is just parsing the amendment, but I believe the distinction is important. Even if selected by a nominating committee, it is always up to the congregation to elect--led by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit--who will lead them as Decons, Elders, and Ministers of the Word and Sacrament.

The Amendment was ratified with an unofficial vote count of 243-149.  (All vote counts on the Presbyterian amendments are unofficial, all the Stated Clerk will report is a Yea or Nay vote, so technically there is no "official" vote count to report.)

I believe what I said about this topic two years ago (found at this link) is still important, but it is not what I think needed to be heard, and it was not what I needed to say.  I was just four speakers away from the microphone when the vote was called, but I didn't hear what I was about to say from any other speaker, so I want to share it with you here and now.

Madam Moderator and my friends of Grace, I am the Reverend Paul Andresen, Minister of Word and Sacrament from First, Marshall and I speak in favor of the amendment. 

The Reverend Doctor David Johnson recently asked a group of friends "Why do you stay in the Presbyterian Church?"  I took this question very seriously.  Finally after considering theology and worship and polity and a number of other things, it was ultimately revealed that the Church of Christ which meets as the PC (USA) is my home an you are my family. 

This was expressed better in the book of Ruth as Naomi sends away her widowed daughter-in-law, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."

I do not know how the vote will be cast today, but this I do know.  We are family, even when we argue we are the children of God.  We are better together than we are apart and I pray you will not send me away. 

Madam Moderator, thank you.

This does not mean that Presbyterian Churches [PC(USA) that is] can ordain gays and lesbians starting tomorrow.  There are more presbyteries to vote.  Then even if it passes, I don't see challenges going away quickly. It's a divisive issue which will continue dividing the House of God.  Still let us pray for unity, let us pray for peace, and above all, let us pray for Grace.

Everybody Makes Mistakes

Everybody makes mistakes, it's a part of the human condition, it's the nature of sin.  So if everyone makes mistakes it's how you follow them up that makes all the difference.  Today is a good case in point.

The last few days I have had some challenging customer service moments.

Example 1: At Church's Chicken in Marshall I waited in the Drive-Thru, I waited longer than anyone would normally wait with nobody talking through the speaker too.  Finally I said, "Can someone take my order?"  I heard back, "Can you wait a minute?"  Hummm, no.  It was late, I hadn't had lunch, I was just going to order a snack, less than a buck and a half, but you know, I'm sharing this story so now you know too.

Example 2: At McDonalds (Marshall south end location) this morning I was at the Drive-Thru (notice a trend, my doctor would be pissed if she read my blog), I ordered, paid, picked up my order, and headed toward Dallas for a big meeting today.  I knew this would be my breakfast and lunch.  So I open my bag and look for my Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit.  What do I find?  Oatmeal.  (By the way, MickyD Oatmeal has almost as many calories as a cheeseburger, it ain't health food.)  Is that what I wanted?  No.  On top of no bacon it's hard to spoon oatmeal at 70 MPH.  So I go back, ask for the manager, and someone throws a bag of food in front of me taking the oatmeal.  They then turn their back to me and wish me a good day.  So I lost 15 minutes, drove about a buck to a buck and a half in gas, and was treated as if it happens all the time, but at least they're used to it.

Example 3: The computer I'm using right now is at the Hilton in University Park, Dallas.  (This is the conference hotel for the Grace Presbytery meeting.  Not real sure how I feel about that, but it is the closest hotel by a long shot.  More reasonably priced hotels would be so far away the savings would be a wash after driving expense.  So be it.)  This CPU was frozen so I called the front desk.  What happened next, someone apologized and fixed the computer.  Then they wished me a good evening.

The common thread, someone or something goofed up.  The uncommon thread, one of the three took care of me as a customer who was paying money for goods and service.  It's a attitude that is getting lost, and one that I surely appreciate still.  It's what I learned at a Baskin-Robbins in 1978 and still carry with me today.  It takes a little to learn and if you work in a service industry can take you a long way.

Oh, and if anyone wants to tell me that there's a big difference between McDonald's and the Hilton, I cannot and will not deny that.  So let me add that if you can't handle McDonald's, you aren't even going to get a chance at the Hilton.

Grace Presbytery Meets Edition 2011.1

On Friday, Grace Presbytery begins its first meeting of the year with the business of the Presbytery.  Then on Saturday, it will move into the business of the denomination.  This is the meeting where we will vote on the proposed amendments to the Book of Order.

God help us all.

So as we prepare, please pray for us.  Don't pray for one side or another to win.  I'm getting sick and tired of winning and losing, especially when it comes to interpretation of the word of God and what that means to us and the world.  Yes, voting on God is the way we do things, but the attitude of winning and losing causes too much pain to be a joy to God.

So this is what I would have us all pray, I pray for peace.  I pray for grace.  I pray for strong yet civil words.  I pray for sound biblical and theological discussion on the topic of the amendments, not flying off into cries of fear, rage, or schism.  I pray for (sorry Melinda) discernment.

I pray that we will all seek God's will and not the will of our own hearts, or worse, the word of some monolithic special interest organization.  Oh, if you represent any monolithic special interest organization, I'm talking about you.  I'm an equal opportunity annoyer that way.

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the grace of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit be with us all.