Because You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Today, I received a letter at the church from the local Chamber of Commerce asking for contributions to help pay for the Chamber's Nativity scene that was put on the city square.

As I read about the wonderful benefits of the Nativity scene, one of these benefits is that it is metal with a powder coat finish, so it is durable and if damaged, can be fixed in a jiffy. The head of the Chamber even noted this on the letter she sent out. I paraphrase what she said:

As many of you know, one of the sections of the nativity was damaged when it was hit by a car. But the section was able to be fixed within a couple of hours.

So with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:

If you got a DUI for hitting the Chamber of Commerce Nativity Scene... you might be a redneck.

Happy New Year everyone! If you're going out, drive safe.

Support Your Local Bodega

Today, for the first time in months, I went into my local bodega, the Mini Mercado on East Church in Berryville, Arkansas. If you've never been into a small neighborhood Mexican grocery store, you're missing out.

Living in Colorado, Texas, and Arkansas, I have become familiar with goods that I never imagined ever seeing in my oh so lilly-white suburban life. It's a whole new world to the gringo and it's wonderful.

Fresher tortillas, chorizo (Mexican sausage) and the sweetest soda in the world. I took a panilla and a jarittos back to the office after lunch and never looked back.

In Austin, there was a huge market called Fiesta. There you could get not just chicarrones, you could get and entire side of chicarrones. I mean not nuggets or shreds of fried pig skin, you could get an entire half a skin. It's a whole new world.

So get out there and see the world, it's right in your own back yard.

Mild Dyslexia

When I was in grade school, they told me that I had a mild form of dyslexia. Who knows? I guess it's true, but at the time they were diagnosing dyslexia the way they diagnose attention disorders today.

Anyway, it does pop up in the most unexpected ways. Our Sonic Drive In has on its sign this phrase:

SAUSAGE BISCUIT

DIPPERS

unfortunately, to me it looks like

SAUSAGE BISCUIT

DIAPERS

In my opinion, they have to change the font. It freaks me out everytime I drive past it.

This helps explain why I am such a lousy speller, but it can only take so much of the blame. On the whole, I am a bad speller and moderately attentive typist.

Happy 010th post!

Wait, check that, Happy 100th post!

Hail to the Chiefs!

They finally finished a record season. The Chiefs set new team bests in losses (14, beating 1977 and 1978's 12) and losing percentage (they lost 87.5% of their games beating 1977's 85.7%). This season matched their futility mark on number of wins as they tied the 1977 team with two wins. Good show.

At least they didn't get shut-out against the bungles, er, Bengals. (Sorry about that 'Natti fan.)

The Chefs (intentional spelling) had a tough year; lots of injuries, lots of upheaval, lots of drama. Of course, as for one of the pieces of drama, they should have traded future Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez at the end of last year. I even emailed Jason Whitlock of the KC Star to get the ball rolling on this.

Tony deserved to go to a winner and get away from what promised to be a bad year. (This is without even imagining it would be historically bad.) So TG finally tried to demand a trade. When the team was not able to pull the trigger Tony was still the best player on the team. He didn't phone it in, he didn't try to play not to get hurt. He still went over the middle, he still took the tough routes, and he became the prime target of the Chiefs 3rd-string quarterback.

And that 3rd-stringer came out of the season looking like quite a stud too.

Will Head Coach Herm get fired? There's a part of me that surely hopes he will. Yet, if they blew up the team knowing it would be bad, everyone delivered. On epic levels, but they delivered.

Still Herm blew some calls that lost games that no player could have changed. I draw your attention to the Chiefs use of time outs in the second half of the Charger game in December. Of course if the defense could have held its water Herm's time-out strategy would have been immaterial.

2008 Chiefs, I am not so sorry to see you go.

Point of Inspiration

A couple of days ago, I blogged about Rick Reilly's piece on the oddest game in high school football history. This is the kind of story you want to share, so I did, I put it on this blog with a link to the rest of the story.

Well, I was getting no where fast on Sunday's sermon. The gospel reading is Luke 2:22-40-the presentation of Jesus at the temple with the stories of Simeon and Anna.

Well, these two things came together. I could just imagine people reading Reilly's piece thinking "now I've seen everything." Then suddenly, I had the epiphany that Simeon told the Lord it was time for him to go because after seeing the baby Jesus, the Lord's Messiah, he had seen everything.

Hence, a sermon is born titled "Now I've Seen Everything." The difference is that while Simeon was ready to die because he had seen everything, we are called to continue taking God’s light into the world. We are called to live as the continuing light of God’s revelation.

Let us bring the light that shines for 2,000 years into the world.

On Being Somewhat Snobish

I'm embarassed. I can be something of a snob sometimes. For example, I love good beer. My personal favorite is Aass Pilsner from Norway. I haven't had a bottle in years, still I fondly remember it. I have recently taken to Shiner Bock after living in Texas for three years. The offshoot- I get a little snobby over a Bud. I like Miller Lite, I was weened on Miller Lite, I will still order Miller Lite, but I'd rather have an Aass or maybe even a Chimay when looking at the ales.

I came by this after working in bars that specialized in imported beers for over four years. I had to know the product so I could talk about it and recommend one when asked. So I have opinions and was paid to give them. Still, I could become snobbish when need be.

I also get a little elitist in entertainment. I get distracted when works get derivitave over three generations. Example: The Producers. Who cared about the musical movie? It almost sort of came from the Broadway show. But of course, who remembers the original movie? Gene Wilder! Zero Mostel! Peter Boyle! This is great stuff and just got dilluted. It makes "Young Frankenstien The Musical" seem five times removed from the original. Yuck.

Of course, Marie made me watch Momma Mia! the other night, and I enjoyed it. How derivative can that get! A movie based on a Broadway show based on 22 ABBA songs! That should be right in my snob wheelhouse, but I did enjoy it. It was like cotton candy and that's not everyone's taste, but so be it. I couldn't eat it everyday, but I enjoyed the fluff.

Ah, personal hypocracy exposed. But I want some credit for blowing the whistle on myself.

Some Things Do Change

In Texas, you will sooner see a congregation of Baptists at a bar and disco than on the wrong side of the field at a high school football game. Rick Reilly of ESPN the Magazine writes of just this sort of thing actually happening this season.

Reilly ends with this thought:

Anyway, with the economy six feet under and Christmas running on about three and a half reindeer, it's nice to know that one of the best presents you can give is still absolutely free.

Hope.

Merry Christmas and God Bless Us Everybody.

Some Things Never Change

Reading The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, I ran across this gem from 1937 where Tolkien is trying to get paid for some color illustrations to the first American edition of The Hobbit. Quoting page 20, "At the moment, I am in such difficulties (largely owing to medical expenses) that even a very small fee would be a blessing."

Dang, some things never change.

Merry Christmas Adam

Marie heard on the radio that today is Christmas Adam because Adam came before Eve. So be it. It's not festivus, but I can get behind Christmas Adam.

For a Christmas Present, Marie and I got each other a new DVD player, our old one got fried during a thunderstorm in mid-October. We also rented some movies today.

The Dark Knight was great--Heath Ledger made Jack Nicholson's Joker look like Cesar Romero's.

Hamlet 2--That was odd, I reacted to it like I did to "The Big Lebowski." I had no idea what to say. But, I do know this, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" will make the Rock and Roll Devotional blog. It's warped, but there is something to it, not much, but something.

Merry Christmas! We're celebrating with a candlelight service of "Lessons and Carols." Have a glorious holiday.

Don't Mess with Rambo

At one of the bars I managed, there was a bartender whose girlfriend was nicknamed "Rambo," and she liked the nickname. When they faught, she was definitely Rambo to his wannabe VC.

One day, she was particularly angry with him. While he was at work, the took his clothes from the closet, used scissors to cut out the crotch out of every pair of pants, piled it all onto the middle of their bed, and set the whole thing on fire.

When the Fire Department came and put it out, the bartender looked at them and asked, "Have you ever seen anything like this before?"

They just nodded because they had.

Man, I love my wife!

New Blog Idea-What Do You Think

I am considering a new blog that could become an interesting book idea, The Rock and Roll Devotional. The idea came to me late last night-of course without all of the proper warnings that should accompany a late night idea.

Before I went to bed, I started to consider a paper I wrote in seminary, The Gospel According to Lenny Kravitz, figuring one of the songs/parts of the paper to become an entry for this blog. Then it dawned on me that this may not be such a bad thing for a new blog.

Before going off on this endeavor, I want some input: What do you think? Is this the sort of thing you would read? Are there any publishers out there willing to spot me seed money?

Lamentations and Grace

• The paper came today. The Carroll County News reports that the statue of the Baby Jesus from the creche at Basin Spring Park has been found. It was damaged beyond repair and covered in Nazi grafitti. Two have been questioned, and since no information about them was given in the paper, I suspect they were juveniles.
• Four people, including two juveniles have been arrested after a crime spree of burglary, criminal mischief, and theft in Eureka Springs and rural Carroll County. They spray painted buildings, a city gazebo, and damaged several mailboxes-that one comes with a federal charge.
• The body of Kaylee Anthony was found near her home. Marie reminded me that her mother Kaycee had said all along that Kaylee wasn't far from home. It's sad how all the best lies contain a grain of truth.

It's hard to say "Merry Christmas" after looking at the paper. What people do is outrageous. Still, I read in scripture (Luke 1:26-38) that a maiden once told a messenger that she would be the handmaiden of the Lord, willingly. Such grace under pressure that would produce the ultimate grace under pressure.

We are in a sin-sick world, but once, a young woman said yes. Saying yes, she became the theotokos, the one who bore God into the world. Because she said yes, we can say yes to the offer made by the one she bore into the world.

Saying yes to the offer God makes always seems harder than saying yes to the stuff that makes us feel good. But when those birds come home to roost, it shows when left to our own devices, we pick the hard way everytime.

Axl Rose Is Miffed!

Axl Rose, front man and lead singer of Guns N' Roses is upset with the makers of the "Guitar Hero III" video game. The game, which allows novices to "play guitar" to some of the greatest riffs written, features not only two GN'R songs; it also carries the image of the band's former guitar player, Slash.

Actually, the current incarnation of GN'R features only one original member, and that's Axl.

This article came from the British web site DigitalSpy.

Guns N' Roses singer Axl Rose has threatened to sue Guitar Hero publisher Activision over alleged use of the band's music without permission.

Rose told fans on MyGNRForum that he is considering legal action over the use of 'Welcome To The Jungle' and 'Sweet Child O' Mine' in the series.

He said he is "fine" with former bandmate Slash appearing in Guitar Hero III, but he is not happy about Activision's "unauthorised" use of the band's songs."

I read about it as it moved along but Activision continually denied it right up to the release," Rose explained. "That's some low life chicanery on all their parts." (Evidently Axl took English at George W. Bush Middle School)

"Yes, Slash was in Guns and on 'Jungle' and he has rights to perform it, but not to be represented in this context in association with Guns," he added. "And since they weren't granted the license, it'll take some sorting."

Let's begin with a little clarification, not only was Slash in the band at the time, he co-wrote the dang song. That would give him some rights. He wrote the bloody music, the guitar part the game invites the player to mimic. Of course they would use Slash's image and not Axl's!

And I have a question about the "unauthorized" use of the songs. Given that this is the third incarnation of this game, and there are other editions of similar games, I'd think the game makers would have the copywrite issue down by now. The song has also been used in many other games without a problem.

The only difference is this time Slash's image is used and he's not in the band any more--this is Axl is upset. So sorry William Bruce, er, Axl.

picture from DigitalSpy.

Bad Puns and the Ways They Develop

Yesterday, Marie and I were in the office and she was listening to a Michael Card CD. This song started to play, El Shaddai. If I'm not mistaken, the usual translation for this Hebrew phrase is "God Almighty." If I am mistaken, the internet will burn with the light of a thousand pyres! (Too melodramatic, sorry.)



This is a lovely song, but my mind started to wander, and wander it did back to the 80's and the title of this Clash classic, Should I Stay or Should I Go.



Somehow, my mind connected these things and I came up with El Shaddai Stay or Should I Go. Marie is so proud to call me her husband.

Loving Gesture

Five years ago or so, I took the "Pastoral Care in a Hospital Setting" class at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. As a part of the class, Student Chaplains carried the St. David's Hospital Chaplain pager. Each night, one of the five of us in the class was on call. My first night with the pager, I got a call from the hospital. A man had died and it was my responsibility to be with the family and call the funeral home.

When I got there, a man was in the bed. On the other side of the bed, his grieving widow was in her wheelchair. Their daughter was with her mother. I don't remember if I said much of anything. One of the chief pastoral attitudes in this situation is that "it's better to silently feel foolish than to speak up and let everyone know."

I tried to be helpful, I did as the family asked. Again, this is often good pastoral care. But what struck me, what got me to my core was what the grieving woman did as she left. As her daughter was wheeling her out, the woman reached out and squeezed her husband's blanket covered toes.

That's it. A simple gesture that meant everything to her. "I love you," "I miss you," and a million other things were wrapped up in that little gesture, that tiny squeeze.

Do yourself a favor, before you go to bed tonight, grab your lover's feet, give them a squeeze, and even a little kiss if you want. If your lover asks what you're doing you can tell this story--or better yet--tell your own.

William Sloane Coffin on Presidental Speeches

This too comes from Volume I of The Collected Sermons of William Sloane Coffin, The Riverside Years, page 221:

"Anytime a president wants to be moral, he has only to point out that ancient faiths are confirmed by emperical events. A crisis always means that morality has again become pragmatic."

By the way, he said this about one of President Carter's speeches in 1979. It's still fresh today though.

Does this Shoe Make My Head Look Fat?

One of the sights I remember from the fall of Sadam was a little boy following his toppled statue down the street, slapping the head of the statue with his sandal. This was a tremendous insult to Sadam from the hands of a little boy. While this was going on, I was taking a biblical interpretation class on the book of Ruth , and I learned that footwear has a very special status in the far east.

You see, when the unnamed kinsman redeemer closer to Naomi than Boaz refused to redeem her, he disgraced himself by this deed. (The disgracing deed was not redeeming Elimelech's land for Elimelech's heirs, which could have caused the unnamed man great financial hardship. If you wonder how a dead man with dead sons can have heirs, you need an ancient history course.) To close the deal, the Kinsman gave Boaz his sandal.

Today, it is a sign of great insult to have footwear hurled at you. Considering what happened to President Bush this weekend, I think we may not be winning the battle for hearts and minds.

Reflections on Luke 1:26-38

So far, the most important thing I have read about this passage comes from a commentary called The New Interpreter's Bible. It says, "[Gabriel's] annunciation would not have been complete without Mary's trusting, obedient, response." (Vol. IX, Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1995, page 52)

We ask, "Oh why Lord, why don't you erase all of the wrong doing and all of the pain and all of the injustice in this world? Why is there disease? Why are children abused? How can you allow this to happen?" (I say "we" because I doubt I am either the first or last to ask these questions.) There is a grain in our beings that wants God to force creation into submission to right the wrongs in creation. We may think it's obedience, but it's submission.

The Lord seeks a loving relationship with creation, and love by coercion is no love at all. Coerced love is the keystone to any abusive relationship, and that is an arch that will never stand, not on earth and certainly not in heaven.

Coerced love is not love at all. God doesn't want to force us into submission because that's not what a loving relationship is at all.

So Mary was obedient, but not submissive. How's that for a place to start?

Here's a Blast from the Past

It's been a while since I posted some music. So...

The only thing harder to believe than this recording being 20 years old is that the song is about 30 years old and Frank died over 15 years ago. Frank Zappa is the only member of both the Rock-and-Roll and Jazz Halls of Fame. This song demonstrates why.

This song is called "Watermelon in Easter Hay" and is the last song in the third act of Joe's Garage, Frank's ode to garage bands, groupies, cults, censorship, and appliance fetishism. Just to show how odd a Zappa show could be, the next song in this set is his version of Whippin' Post. Now that's shifting gears. I was fortunate enough to see Frank on tour in 1982 on the "You Are What You Is" tour. Musically, it was something special.

Enjoy!

In Rememberence

I told this story in a sermon on November 18, 2007.

This is a true story. It’s a little over twenty years old, and it’s mine. The names have not been changed. No one is innocent.

In the summer of 1985, I finished grad school. But as a twenty-three year old with no professional experience in a tight economy I couldn’t find a job in my field, higher education. So, I went back to doing what got me through grad school, I went back to work in the bars.

While working at Buzzard Beach, a club in the Westport district of Kansas City, Missouri, I met a girl, her name was Megan. She was home in KC for a couple of semesters from the University of Wyoming because her grandfather was dying. She was taking education classes at the University of Missouri Kansas City, working at a hardware store, and playing shuffleboard at my bar. To make a long story shorter, I was taken by her. But too soon, in January 1987, she went back to Wyoming to go back to school and in an age long before email, we began exchanging letters.

That summer, she came back for a couple of weeks and when she did, she blew me off completely. I was ticked. Of course, I didn’t say “ticked.” There are bar words and there are church words, and I should not use the bar words here.

After some time of hurt feelings and a couple of more letters, I came to know that I had fallen in love with her. I decided what I needed to do is put my cards on the table, tell her how I felt, and let what happens happen. I decided it would be best to do this in person instead of in a letter, but I never got the chance. On December 13, 1987 Megan shot herself. When I got the call, I let out a cry that made God himself shudder.

I knew I needed forgiveness; forgiveness for being so angry with her; forgiveness for not telling her how I felt; forgiveness for not taking responsibility for my feelings and my actions; or inactions really. But I could not find forgiveness, so instead of forgiveness, I tried to hide.

I hid in work. I hid in a bottle. I hid in plain sight. Finally, I ended up hiding in Lamar, Colorado 81052. A little over a year after Megan’s death, I was running a dormitory at a community college.

After a few years in Colorado I began to hear that still small voice of the Lord, the one that told me if I was waiting to “be good enough” before going back to church, I would never be good enough and I would never go. So one Sunday, I ended up in a pew at the First Presbyterian Church in Lamar and began the journey that brings me to you today. But that’s another story; let me finish this one first.

I attended regularly and began reading my bible. I started to learn about grace and forgiveness. But one thought haunted me, no matter how hard I tried to deal with my guilt, it never went away. Truth be known, I was probably giving it away with my right hand and taking it right back with the left.

One night, at a Presbyterian revival service (yeah, a Presbyterian revival—it may be an oxymoron, but it’s still a true story) the pastor spoke on forgiveness. He preached on Matthew’s version of the Lord’s Prayer with special attention to 6:15, “but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Don’t get me wrong, I understood, to be forgiven I would have to forgive. But what did I have to forgive her for? She was the one who was in so much pain that she thought the only way out of it was to kill herself. What did I possibly have to forgive her for? Then, by the grace of God, I discerned an answer: I had to forgive her for forgetting. I had to forgive her for forgetting about her family, her friends, and I had to forgive her for forgetting about me. I had to forgive her for leaving. I had to forgive her. And in that moment, after nearly eight years of mourning, I did.

And at that moment, I don’t know if you heard the angelic choir or not, but at that very moment, at the moment I forgave, by the grace of God, I was forgiven too. I had held onto my mourning and sorrow for so long, when the weight was lifted I knew I was in the presence of God. At that moment, I was in a holy place in my life.

Wonderfully, about four months later, I met Marie. If I had met her any earlier, I wouldn’t have been ready, she would have seen it, and life as I know it would have been without the love I know today. Thank God I didn’t meet Marie one minute before I was ready to meet her.

Megan’s mom came to Colorado for our wedding. During the dance at the reception, I thanked her for coming. And I told her that I am a better man, and will be a better husband, for having known her daughter.

I say that this is my story, but this isn’t really true. First of all, I have many more stories than this one, but this is a very important one and was once the dominant story of my life. But more importantly, it isn’t my story, it’s God’s story. The Lord gave it to me so that in the end the glory of God may be known.

This happened 21 years ago today. I will call her mom this afternoon as I always do.

What is your story? What is the story the Lord has given you? How do you share it?

Peace be with you all.

Update
When I tried to call Megan's mom today, the phone was disconnected. I got in touch with one of Megan's sisters to find out her mom had a stroke just before Thanksgiving. She had been fighting cancer and all manner of other illnesses, so she is now in a nursing home. I was able to catch up with their family and I caught them up with ours.

Megan's sister recommended I not call, their mother would probably not even remember me. The first rule of pastoral care is listen for the word of the Lord, the second is listen to the family. I did not call. Peace be with you Nancy. Peace be with you all.

Insights on John 1:6-8, 19-28

For those of you who wonder why I choose what I do for my "Insights on..." blogs it is because it is the Revised Common Lectionary reading I will be preaching the next Sunday.

This is the Gospel of John version of John the Baptist's introduction. But there are some very odd things about it:

1. John is "just John." Not "the baptist," not "the revelator," not even "the beloved disciple." He is "just John."
2. There is no mention of Jesus (this for the second week in a row in the Lectionary).
3. None of the information about John found in the other gospels is in this account.
4. When the priests and the Levites ask him questions he doesn't give a straight answer. I mean he is way out in right field on this stuff.

To me, what this challenges us to do is read not just this story, but all of scripture, taking off the lenses of our preconceived notions. This isn't easy, but pehaps the place to start is by walking in the sandals of the priests and the Levites; be confused-and pay close attention.

It's tough. Listening with fresh ears is never easy, but it is worth the time and energy.

Son of Blagojevich

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

(D-IL) Weed

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

I have long said that there aren't too many Republicans in government, and there aren't too many Democrats either. But there are far too many politicians.

I fear that anyone who said "Now that Bush is out of office it's a new day!" will be sad to learn that there are still too many politicians around to make the integrity bell ring as loudly as any of us would wish.

I pray President-Elect Obama has the integrity to pull off what needs to be done. Further, I pray he will be able to corral those around him so he can pull off what needs to be done. I just wonder it that's the sort of task Sysiphus is glad he doesn't have anything to do with.

Not All Traditions Should Be Continued

For the ump-teenth time, the Baby Jesus from the nativity scene in Basin Park (Eureka Springs, Arkansas, USA) has been stolen. This year the theif made off with the whole manger, a concrete block anchor, and the chain that tied everything together.

Maybe I'm just becoming (have become?) a fuddy-duddy, but come on! Pranks like this (and that's all it is) are now boring. Beta Sigma Pi, the sorority that provides the nativity, has had to install security video to protect a manger scene. Come on, aren't there better pranks?

Two years ago was probably the best though. Two years ago, the abductor of the infant King was a seventy year old grandmother who was dared to steal Jesus by her granddaughter. Are we now so desperate for approval that a pensioner can be double-dog-dared by a teenager into theft? Peer pressure normally doesn't extend beyond a 50 year age difference-and shouldn't.

By the way, the woman and the court came to a settlement which she failed to comply with. She ended up doing an afternoon in jail because of a stupid prank.

I lived in Austin, Texas for over three years, the land of weird. So proud of weird that at Mardi Gras one year the city set aside and closed off a street where women could flash their breasts without fear of being accosted at the request of women who wanted to flash because it's Mardi Gras in Austin.

Friends, can't we grow up just a little? Take it from someone who knew his fair share of irresponsible behavior, you can grow up without growing old. Some traditions should be allowed to fade off into the sunset.

Boy is my wife mad at me...

I told Marie I went to Jared and she was so excited. Then I came home with a meatball sub and a toasted chicken ranch.

I hope the cats let me sleep in the spare bedroom.

Tales of Mystery and Imagination

Today, I sent this email to an Editor at Westminster/John Knox Press:

While I suspect someone else has brought this to the Editor's attention, I want to point out an error I found in "The Collected Sermons of William Sloane Coffin" Vol. 1.

On page 217, citing John 8:11, my copy reads "...'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin more.'" Within the text of the sermon that follows the references to this verse cite it properly.

As you can imagine, it caught my attention...and my imagination.

In Christ,Rev. Paul A. Andresen
First Presbyterian, Berryville, Arkansas

When I read it the first time, I thought Coffin might have been going for one of those "gotcha" twists. I love a good twist, and that one got me paying attention. In the end it turned out to be an error instead of a "gotcha." Oh well, mistakes happen--I make enough of them to be sure of that much.

Still...imagine if you will...

A Theology of Preaching in Ten Words or Less

In the Presbyterian Church (USA), a part of the process of seeking a call (in layman's terms--ministers looking for a job), part of the process is the candidate preaching a sermon in a "neutral pulpit." It's not preached at the chruch the candidate presently serves and it's not preached at the church seeking to call the candidate.

One day, as this was being explained to a congregation that would supply the "neutral pulpit" for a church and candidate, the man on the right of this picture, the Rev. Dr. Stan Hall, whispered in a voice that makes mine seem like a refugee from a boy's choir, "There is no such thing as a neutral pulpit."

The seminarians sittng around him, including me, fought to stifle a laugh. The pastor, who just happened to be Stan's wife Gail, said "It appears Dr. Hall has something to say about this." After chruch, Gail gave Marie (my wife) permission to hit Stan if he acts up again.

Still, after several classes in Homiletics, the study of Christian proclamation, I have not found a better or more consise theology of preaching.

"There is no such thing as a neutral pulpit."

Stan died about a year ago. God bless Stan. Go with God. Thanks for everything.

I'm Gettng Older

Yesterday I heard on the radio that Arby's has a service where you can send a text message and get the day's special. Now I don't know how this works. I guess you show the text message to the cashier and they hit a couple of buttons on the cash register and everything works out. For me there are two problems.

First, the closest Arby's restaurant is about 25 miles away.

Second, I don't know how to send a text. (Head hung low.)

That's right, I have gone from tech savvy to codger in a span of about 10 years. I can get and read a text message, but I don't know how to send one. I have turned the corner. Alas.

OJ's Sentenced

Weeks ago, I posted a comment on OJ's conviction, today I post on his sentencing. OJ has been sentenced to 15 years in a Nevada prison for kidnapping, robbery, and a gun charge. I have heard reports that he will have to serve between five and six years before being eligible for parole.

I have also heard OJ will have to thank his lucky stars that the judge did not sentence him to consecutive sentences, because he could have been forced to serve at least 18 years before parole eligibility.

Gee, I wonder if he'll find the "real killer" while he's there.

Ring a Bell

Today I was a Salvation Army bell ringer. The Berryville Rotary Club rings the bell every year at the local WalMart and today was our day. (Can it be any more small town than that?) I spent three hours out on the line today. It may not have been cold for Canada, but for Arkansas, between 20 and 35 degrees fahrenheit is just plain cold. Still, ringing the bell, watching people give, and knowing where it goes makes me warm.

What is amazing is how generous people are. Even more amazing is that the people who look like they can least afford to give-do give-and give generously. The money raised in these kettles will go to the Salvation Army in Carroll County, Arkansas, USA. Thanks to local Salvation Army coordinator Ed Leswig for asking our help. Thanks to Berryville Rotarians for giving their time. Thanks to all who chose to give in the red kettle today.

And all glory to God.

Please give where you see the bell ringers or at SalvationArmyUSA.org.

So Close, but No Cigar

Arianna Huffington was just John Stewart's guest on the The Daily Show on Comedy Central. Among their topics, she was talking about blogging and how wonderful blogging is. Trying to do some reflection, Stewart asked, "So it's like intimacy without personal contact?" and she replied "Yes."

[I hope they post the clip. If they do, I'll imbed it.]

Hummm, computer (check), intimacy (check), no personal contact (check).

I heard that sort of thing would make me go blind.

Truth in Advertising...For What It's Worth

I just saw an ad for the new "Budweiser American Ale." They touted it as a "top fermented ale." Big deal all ales are top fermented! That's a part of the definition of an ale.

That's like saying you like dawn because that's when the sun comes up.

As far as advertising goes, this is completely true and utterly meaningless.

As a former bar manager (Buzzard Beach, Westport, Kansas City, Missouri, USA), let me recommend a couple of beers:

Pilsner: Aass Pilsner (pron. Ouse), Norway. There are about 27 places in America you can find this stuff. They also make a superior bock and Christmas ale. For a wider distribution, check out the original, Pilsner Urquell.

Ale: Chimay-Brewed by the Trappist Monks of Chimay Abbey. When I worked the bar, I would always say "If I were poor, celebate, and European I'd be making this stuff. Instead, since I was poor, celebate, and American I'm selling it." Start with the red label, try them all.

photo from Beer.About.com

Here Comes Santa Cross

I found this little ditty at HomileticsOnline.com, where they report it qualifies as an urban legend. Still, I thought it deserved a hearing:

In the 1960's, Tokyo's largest department store decided to have its first-ever Christmas display. On the first day of Advent, the management called in the VIP's of the city's British colony for an unveiling. The nonpulsed bigwigs were confronted by the biggest Santa they had ever seen... nailed to a cross.

What makes me think this is an urban legend, frankly, I have no idea what is meant by "Tokyo's British colony." This seems odd and puts it in question for me. Then we can mention the outright absurdity of the whole thing. Sing with me, Here comes Santa Cross, Here Comes Santa Cross....

But regardless of the truth, is there greater Truth in this? In my thinking, one of two things is happening:

1. People with absolutely no concept of either Christianity or Western Culture bungled this thing to a degree that deserves applause (or a Monty Python skit), or
2. The people who created this thing were doing social commentary (whether intentional or not) that should make none of us comfortable.

I couldn't tell you, and if it's an urban legend then it's just academic. These two options are where I start. But when Marie read this to me today, I took a look at our culture and see what we have done with the holiday season and wonder if this story isn't a funhouse mirror reflection.

Our local Wal-Mart (did you know I lived in Arkansas, USA?) cleaned out the Halloween stuff at midnight on November 1st and started putting up Christmas. Chirstmas cookies hit the shelves the moment the pumpkin pies were sold out at Thanksgiving. To me this story shows a picture (caricature?) of what Christmas in the West has become, a mix of the religion and secular symbols which ultimately point to places we don't really want to go.

Santa on the cross is sick, but the consumer economy and culture in this country seems to be unconsciously comfortable with this image.