Now That's Bile!

The Rev. Fred Phelps is at it again. The man who gave the world "godhatesfags.com" is presenting his newest target, Lady Gaga. That's right, now if we believe the good Reverend, God is taking time out of his busy schedule to hate a pop singer.

Can't blame him though, according to Rev. Phelps quoting Jeremiah 3 she has "a whore's forehead and refuses to be ashamed." Well, if that isn't enough reason to hate the woman...

He declares that Lady Gaga hates her fans and at the end of his press release says "You're going to hell." I'm guessing he means the singer, not everyone who downloads the press release.

Just so that the gist of the press release is not lost on the minions of Satan, er, the people of St. Louis, the Westboro Baptist Church will picket her concert at St. Louis' Fox Theater on January 10 from 6:30 to 7:30.

Hey, be there or be square!

I don't know what to say, lest this, We are saved by faith though grace. It will matter not how many shows get picketed, or presidents (he picketed Clinton in Fayetteville in the late 90's), or soldier's funerals.

I dare say that presenting a word of hatred, particularly a prophet of God's hatred, will be not only ineffective, but counter productive to the work of God. Still, if Phelps actions can get people into scripture and into the chruch where they can hear the Word of God's grace and peace through Jesus Christ, even this work can be redeemed.

A God that can use the flawed human words of the Rev. Fred Phelps and of me; now that's the work of a powerful God.

NFLPA cannot pay fine if Ochocinco wears No. 15

The-Artist-Formerly-Known-as-Chad-Johnson, Chad Ocho-Cinco, wants to wear the jersey number of his recently deceased teammate Chris Henry. By calling anyone by the name "The-Artist-Formerly-Known-as-" you can imagine that Mr. Ocho-Cinco has a tendency to occasionally be a spectacle. This would be true.

Well, this Sunday, the Cincinnati Bengals wide-receiver, number 85, wants to wear the number 15. And the National Football League, the NFL, a group often called the "No Fun League" has rules to prevent this and will fine 85 if he goes ahead and wears 15. They've fined him before and they'll do it again.

The player's union, the NFLPA has offered to pay his fine, but that too is against NFL rules. See this link for details: NFLPA cannot pay fine if Ochocinco wears No. 15. (Even though they can't officially pay it, they have offered to match it, paying the same amount to the NFL as Ocho-Cinco's fine.) A gesture in honor of a man who lost his life gets fined because it's against the rules? Shame on the NFL.

What do I say about this? I say let all of the Bengals come out wearing #15 jerseys, every single one of them; and let the opposing team do the same thing; and let everyone in the NFL do the same thing and let go the dogs of NFL fines.

Mr. Henry wasn't always a good guy. It seemed that he was beginning to straighten his life out, though details of his death may show that there were some speed-bumps along his way. But if a man who lives to draw attention to himself wants to draw attention to a recently deceased teammate, I don't care what the NFL says.

Pay the fine? Shoot, let's see the NFL fine the whole league on Chris Henry's behalf and we'll see who seems more mature in the end.

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This Strikes Me as Odd

This morning I was heading into WalMart to get something for our potluck covered dish dinner after worship today. Leaving, I saw this sign on the door:

Extended Hours

Closed December 24-8:00 pm-

December 26-6:00 am

Here's the question, how does a 24 hour WalMart say that closing 34 hours constitutes "extended hours?" The shame is that the answer is easy. In the past, our WalMart closed at 6:00 pm on Christmas Eve. By closing two hours later on Christmas Eve, our WalMart increases the number of hours open this year by 0.39% over last year.

Please add your own snide or surly comment here.

Hold That Tiger!

If you have been under a rock, you may not know that the best golfer in the world, one Eldric Tiger Woods, has been part of a scandal due to his alleged infidelity.

Whoopie Goldberg, host of "The View" and moderator of their Roundtable segment, has said that she will not comment on the Tiger scandal because it "does not put food on her table."

Whoopie, I must disagree. You host a chat show, one that deals with celebrity, moderating the segment that is loaded with scandal and inuendo. Whoopie, I'm sorry but it does put food on your table. If there's another reason you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but please own the fact that you do get paid to talk about this stuff. If you don't want to talk about Tiger's stuff, please find a better reason.

Carolyn Gaines

Miss Carolyn Gaines of Berryville, Arkansas died shortly after 3:00 pm on Thursday December 3, 2009. She was a child of God, a joy to be around, and an elder in the church. She will be missed.

I met Carolyn at First Presbyterian Church in Conway, Arkansas in June 2005. She came to the meeting of the Arkansas Presbytery where I was examined to become a Minister of Word and sacrament.

It was a wild day for me. Marie and I had just made it into town from central Missouri the day before. I was just getting done with my examination sermon and its bulletin for the meeting. I was so nervous since I was going to be asked questions by not only the committee, but by anyone else who had a question. I successfully navigated the storm, becoming one of the few (if not the only) candidates in the history of the Presbytery who made the assembly laugh during the exam.

Carolyn and her ride had to get going before the end of the meeting. Carolyn had tremendous circulatory problems, and the ride up and down from Berryville to Conway and back that day were causing havoc on her legs. Before they left, I got to say good bye. Carolyn hugged me and said, "I love you, darling." I said, "I love you too."

That was the moment I became a pastor.

Miss you Carolyn. God bless you as you sing and dance for our God.

A Little Story...

Once upon a time, a rabbit was bounding down the path. Suddenly a bear came out of the trees holding a bunch of leaves in its paw. The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said, "No, why?" So the bear threw the leaves down, picked up the rabbit, and reached back...

I feel a lot like the rabbit right now.

Living with Regret

Please, cue the maudlin music...

The past couple of months have had more than their fair share of pain and disappointment. Far more than their fair share. Now I sit here staring at my monitor and wondering about all of those things that I wish had never been.

Do you know how some folks say that they live life without regret? In my opinion, people who can live life without regret have either never tried to live life and don't know any better or are so selfish and so far beyond self-reflection that they truly have no sense of regret.

As for me, this sense was overdeveloped and I regret much.

I have hurt people in my life, this is true. I too have been hurt. There are scars on my heart that wrench every time my chest beats. Sorrow and remorse fill me like Billie Holiday, and as she once sang, "Mama may have, and Papa may have, but God bless the child who's got his own."

But here's the thing about remorse. To say that you have no remorse is to say that you are without sin. To say that you have done everything to perfection is to say that you have no need for God. Not good.

Yes, regret is necessary. Regret says that you have failed, it says that you are human. Remorse recognizes we have hurt others, we have sinned against others. It opens the door for us to say that we need Christ in our lives. It opens the door to Christ.

There are a good many mistakes I have made in my life. I live with the consequences of them everyday. But two of these consequences are life in Christ and the love of my wife. Her love itself a gift from God.

These mistakes have made me the man I am today, both for better and for worse.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

Mixed Emotions

Nidal Malik Hasan, the Army major who shot up Fort Hood ten days ago evidently was paralyzed when he was wounded during his apprehension. Sorry, I just can't get worked up over this.

This is it, I'm not glad he was paralyzed and I'm not sorry he isn't as dead as the thirteen victims he left in his wake. I just don't care that he was wounded. I just don't care. It's not as if these are his "just deserts" and it's not as if I'm not worried because "he'll get his."

But if this is being reported to get my sympathy, sorry, I don't care.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. I know Major Hasan will meet his maker, and on that day he will walk to the throne of grace and with the love of God, he will be disciplined. Like a parent disciplines children, Major Hasan will be disciplined. As will we all.

Lord, I confess my indifference. Please forgive me.

Once More, This Time with Feeling...

I may have told this story before in this blog. I have had it on MySpace, and I know you can find it on Time Loves a Hero, but I want to share it again.

Long ago, I worked in a program to first generation help and poverty-stricken college students get a college education. It was a federally funded TRIO program, part of President Johnson's War on Poverty.

This story was told to a workshop at an ASPIRE meeting by Dr. Paul Thayer, then Director of TRIO Programs (The Center for Educational Access and Outreach) and Talent Search at Colorado State University. Dr. Thayer is now the Executive Director of Center for Advising and Student Achievement.

Every year, programs take TRIO students to DC to meet local congressmen. It helps give students a look at government and the government a look at the poor.

In the 80's, when the Democrats held the Congress and the Republicans held the White House, TRIO people heard the same rhetoric every trip up Capital Hill.

The Democrats would tell the visiting students how important their work was and how important it was that TRIO Programs be fully funded. “There should be more programs and the current programs should have more funding.”

The Republicans would always say that they had their own funding priorities, and while TRIO Programs were important, they weren't on top of the list.

This ended in 1992 when Governor Bill Clinton was elected President.

The TRIO people returned to Capitol Hill with all of the markers they had received over the years and this is what they heard:

The Democrats told them that they had their own funding priorities, and while TRIO Programs were important, they weren't on top of the list.

The Republicans told them how important their work was and how important it was that TRIO Programs be fully funded. “There should be more programs and the current programs should have better funding.”

The day I heard this story was the day I decided that there weren't too many Republicans in DC and there weren't too many Democrats.

This was the day I decided there are too many politicians.

Damn, I'm Just Getting Older

I found this item on an AOL message board on how to improve the Jay Leno Show. One of the suggestions is to have Music Director Kevin Eubanks be quiet...

I like Kevin. I do not like that Paul guy at all on Letterman. I watch Leno--always wanted a late night show early--wish all programming was early like it is in the Central Time zone! Show could use some fine tuning but is better than all that (World?) Series crapolla.

"That Paul guy?" "That Paul guy?" Oh, man, I'm not even 50 yet but I'm just getting older and that's all there is to it.

In Remembrance, Part II, Transitions

Ten months ago, I shared a story of a woman named Megan and her mother Nancy. You can follow this link to get to that story.

About a week ago, Nancy died peacefully in a nursing home in Overland Park, Kansas. She is survived by one son, James III (Casey), and three daughters Michaela, Jenny, and Kelly and a slew of grandchildren. She was preceded in death by her husband James, Jr. (Jim), and daughter Megan.

Nancy came to Marie and my wedding in Colorado. I wrote this in the last entry:

Megan’s mom came to Colorado for our wedding. During the dance at the reception, I thanked her for coming. And I told her that I am a better man, and will be a better husband, for having known her daughter.

Days like this, I feel sad, and a little depressed. It's gray, it's cold, it's sharp outside. Inside Marie is recovering from surgery and pneumonia and I'm recovering from bronchitis. It's been a tough year, tougher than the year before. And it's probably going to be tough next year too. So I feel overwhelmed.

Still, I think that I am more overwhelmed by an equal measure of promise and un-experienced promise. I am blessed, and I am tired. I have given, but being blessed still more is expected. I rejoice in what I have received, and regret what I have not yet accomplished.

Maybe that's not so bad, without the overwhelming stuff going on. Because when "overwhelm" takes over, then the blessings tarnish and the un-experienced promise is a burden not its own blessing.

Megan's sister Jenny came to our wedding too. She caught the bouquet. She's the one who talked me into seeing "Harold and Maude." If you've never seen it, go, it's a fine movie and her favorite. To say the least, I had no idea what to expect when I went. Still, there is a theme of a cusp of old life and new discovery that is glorious. But this discovery is not without its own pain and misery.

Nancy, go with God. God be with your children and grandchildren. Thank you for the gift of your love and your daughter.

So now I leave you with Cat Stevens' "Trouble" from "Harold and Maude."

As sad as this scene is, I don't wonder if it doesn't also show what it looks like to make a difficult transition, even if it's on the banjo.

President Obama's Acceptance Comment

My next-to-last brother-in-law's girlfriend posted this comment on her Facebook account and I like it enough to share with you all:

Barack Obama's comments in part - I know that throughout history, the Nobel Peace Prize has not just been used to honor specific achievement; it's also been used as a means to give momentum to a set of causes. And that is why I will accept ...this award as a call to action -- a call for all nations to confront the common challenges of the 21st century. http://www.democrats.org/blog.htm

Perhaps President Obama and his handlers know that he received this prize sort of like Miss Congeniality also winning Miss America. He knows that he got a huge "atta boy" and he knows that there are miles to go before he sleeps.

Please God, let this be a momentum builder, may your peace come to reign.

The Prize of Promise?

The Nobel website says, "The Nobel Peace Prize goes to President Barack Obama 'for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.'"

As a registered democrat and a supporter of the President, I think he got the award just for not being George W. Bush.

Sorry, just not enough of a reason to win the prize. Maybe in five years...but not today

Kayne, So Subtle

This link will be disabled soon enough, but in the meantime, "Enjoy."

Alex, I'll take "The Overly Self-Involved" for $200 please.

Hooray for Beyonce's reaction both when it happened and later in the evening. It's a pity that I can't find video of Beyonce classy response to Kanye's interruption when she brought Taylor Swift back on stage later.

9/11 + 8

Eight years ago today I was in "Introduction to the Old Testament" and "it" happened. What we never imagined could happen not only did, it was on TV for all to see.

I remember going into the Financial Aid office and thinking the radio sounded like "War of the Worlds" and I was wondering if I had missed the intro by Orson Wells and the Mercury Theater.

I remember going home and seeing Marie sitting on the edge of her seat. I remember me joining her.

Honestly, I guess that's all I have to say about that.

From Where the Grass Is Greener

The Today show just reported that many Republican and conservative Democratic members of Congress are skeptical about the President's health care reform package.

Gee, if I had their insurance I could afford to be skeptical too.

President Obama's Speech

In a scant three hours, President Obama will be on-line and on C-SPAN addressing the youth and young adults of America from a high school in Virginia. From the way some people are talking about this, you'd think he was going to propose the end of the truth, justice, and the American way.

First things first, judge for yourself. Read the text here. The speech is scheduled to begin at Noon Eastern time so if you can, watch it on the Internet from the link at the White House Web site or on the tube live or any of the dozens of times it will be rebroadcast.

Now for the commentary: What's funny about this is the reactions of the mobs. I don't even want to credit reactions to "people" or even "Americans" anymore. We are quickly becoming a nation of mobs and this "Sharks and Jets" mentality is seen best focusing between FoxNews and MSNBC. Frankly, they're just different ends of the same line and if we can't get beyond that, we will live on that line instead of in a marketplace of ideas and free expression.

AOL has some fun stats. Monday night, they reported that of people who responded to their online poll, 60% thought the President's plan to address the nation's students was inappropriate. Did these people respond the same way when President Bush did the same thing in 1991? From where I sit, the more important question is "Did I?"

Shame on me, I probably did. Hypocrisy stings when you realize it cuts both ways.

This morning, after the publication of the President's remarks, 56% think the controversy is much ado about nothing and 62% approve of the remarks. Less than 24 hours earlier, 60% thought the whole thing was inappropriate.

The AOL resources I used can be found at these URL's:
http://news.aol.com/article/obama-school-speech-controversy/655701
http://news.aol.com/article/obama-school-speech-text/658197

Talking Smack on the Smurf Turf

On Thursday night, the University of Oregon played Boise State on the blue turf of Bronco Stadium in Boise. The game started with what the NCAA suits called a "sportsmanship initiative." Fifteen players from each team came out to midfield and shook hands.

It ended with what the NCAA suits will call a "sucker punch."

Video from after the game very clearly shows Boise State player Byron Hout come out and "touch" Oregon tailback LeGarrette Blount and then say something. While I don't know what was said, from Hout's expression I don't think it was "Good game." Then while Hout continued celebrating with teammates, Blount turned and popped him on the jaw. Might I say it looked like he tagged him pretty well.

My personal observations:

• If you are going to talk smack, even on your home field, you should never do it without your helmet.
• If you are going to talk smack, even on your home field, you should never continue your celebration turning away from the man you just insulted.

I am not going to minimize LaGarrette Blount's actions. He shouldn't have taken the bait. But frankly, he was bated and Hout should not have been surprised that the bait was taken--and given back.

Blount has been suspended for the rest of the year. Unless the Senior has a red-shirt season available, this is the end of his collegiate career. I think that's a shame. Talking heads have said that Blount has had some discipline troubles, and this would surely be another mark in that column, but I don't like it at all. Discipline yes, but this is overboard.

As for Hout, I hope he loses a tooth.

Root, Root, Root for the Home Team or Be True to Your School

First things first, I was raised in the Kansas City suburbs. I am a graduate of Emporia State University and worked at Lamar Community College and the University of Arkansas. Let me just say that as a sports fan I have had some great reasons to cheer... and a long, long time to mourn the days that were.

The 1970 Super Bowl, Chiefs beat the Vikes. The 1985 World Series, it's the Royals over the cards. LCC in Lamar, Colorado and baseball coach Scott Crampton have had some great seasons over the past 15 years or so. Arkansas has won NCAA Championships in football (I have been walking almost as long), basketball, and over 30 track championships.

But especially with the Royals and the Griefs, being a fan is a mournful experience. So, can a fan divorce a team? I SAY NO! DON'T DO IT!

There are some Rick Reilly in ESPN the Magazine has offered some guidelines about shifting fan allegiance. There is even a web site where fans can demand Free Agency. As for me, I say dance with the one who brung you. If you have a favorite team in a sport, stick with it. Bandwagon jumping may feel good when you hitch your wagon to a star, but when it falls, you just look like a fairweather.

On a personal note, I do make some distinctions.

How can I root for both Emporia State and Arkansas. One is an NCAA D-I school and the other is a D-II school. I worked at both (either as a graduate assistant or as a professional) and took classes at both (BSB and MS at Emporia and worked on an EdD. at Arkansas). They will never play each other, especially for anything more than cash, so I see no conflict of rooting.

How about the community college I attended, Johnson County (KS) and LCC? Not only did I work at LCC, but I also did public address for the athletic department. Solid connection that I really enjoyed.

Finally, my most tenuous connection: I root for the Colorado Rockies in Major League Baseball as well as the Royals. My argument is easy; I lived in Colorado during the Rockies inaugural season. I was there to root for them from day one. But I want to make an important note here. If the Rocks played in the American League, as do the Royals, no question; dance with the one who brung you. I will always root for the Royals...even if they play the Rocks in the Series.

Not that's a delusional piece of dreamwork.

Love Moving Stuff...

After my mother's death, Marie and I ended up with a lovely patio set and a buffet. Of course, we couldn't fit them into the XTerra, so we had to do the U-Haul.

Don't get me wrong, it was a great truck. It was clean, had under 40,000 miles on it, was big enough to do the job, small enough not to be cumbersome. It even had FM radio and air conditioning. Believe me, I mention this because I've had worse.

One problem though, there was a ping that we could not figure out. Marie finally started screaming and I began to blot it out. What was it? Don't really know, but we told the folks who rented us the truck.

One other thing was curious though...

Near the end of the trip, the radio turned itself up. Really! The radio turned itself up. There was even a counter on the volume switch and it went up 11...12...13...before we turned the knob ourselves and got it under control. As odd as it was, it was the song that was perfect for a U-Haul moving lawn furniture through the Ozark hills and curves in southern Missouri.

The song was "Slow Ride" by Foghat. It doesn't get any better than that.

The Word of the Lord and the words of a Saint of the Church

NRSV LUKE 18:9-14, THE PHARISEE AND THE TAX COLLECTOR
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast and saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Reinhold Niebuhr wrote in "Leaves from the Notebook of a Tamed Cynic" that it is "so easy to repent of other people's sins." I think this is the perfect commentary on the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.

Often in our lives, we (yes, we, first-person plural) cry to the Lord thanking God "I'm not that bad." In many cases, the places where we find our piety are the same places where our sin is found too. This was true in the case of this proverbial Pharisee. Our lesson is in the face of the Tax Collector, the man who confesses his own sins, not those of the whole world.

If not for God's grace, we would not be able to stand before the Lord. So please God, be merciful to me, a sinner!

The School of Rock, but Don't Call It That

Image from the movie "School of Rock"

The University of Central Oklahoma has created the Acacemy of Contempory Music, or what is going to forever be known as "The School of Rock." According to the web page for the academy, their "focus is on building the careers of our talented students through preparation and exposure."

Thanks to Dan Krotz for sharing this with me. I will share with you the question he asked me, "Will Jack Black be the first commencement speaker?"

But of course...

That's Not What I Like About College Football

The University of Alabama Football Program has announced today that linebacker Courtney Upshaw will not be suspended from the program even though he was arrested on a harassment charge Wednesday night.

ESPN reports that Courtney and his girlfriend were both "altercating," but we don't get that from the Crimson Tide. All we get from them was that Mr. Upshaw would not be suspended.

His punishment: He was placed on "behavioral probation." The guys on the radio asked "what in the world is that?" and "aren't we all on that everyday?" Sorry to pile on, but I'm agreeing with the radio guys.

I Googled "behavioral probation" and found nearly 6,000 hits. Just from looking at the descriptions on Google, the punishments for "behavioral probation" were in the same category as punishments for "academic probation." So with either type of violation, judgment was dealt.

From what I gather, the Bama version of "behavioral probation" means that if he gets caught in a domestic dispute with his girlfriend again then action will be taken. Is it me or does that seem too late?

Ah, Courtney Upshaw, the pride of Eufala, Alabama. Roll Tide!

Sorry for the Lapse, Something about my Mom

Dear Friends,
As many of you know, my mother died on July 28 at 2:00 AM. She had not been feeling well as of late, and the disease and its consequent infection caused her death. It's ironic that my prior post comes from the Wembley Stadium memorial concert for Freddie Mercury, especially Seal's rendering of "Who Wants to Live Forever", but these are just a few of the many things I can't control.

My mother was a wonderful lady, a good mother, and a great counsel. She was funny and smart. She was a role model for many of the things I want to be as I grow up. Time will tell.

Thanks to everyone who offered a prayer. Thanks to everyone who dropped a note or sent a card. May grace and peace be with you all.

In Christ's loving arms, Paul

Sometimes, Sharing Is Enough

Enough said.

Another "Here's Your Sign" Moment

In February, we had a tremendous ice storm. Our power was off for just three days, many others lost power longer. We were fortunate because trees were laying on our power lines, but both the lines and the trees stayed up. Anyway, I called our local electric cooperative yesterday to come and trim the trees over the lines.

The woman taking the order asked: "Will it be obvious which trees will need to be trimmed?"

I paused and said: "Yes, there is only one line from the pole to the house and the branches are over it."

Yes, this is a true story.

Here's your sign.

Welcome Back La Luna

Berryville's very own street corner taqueria is open again. After a two year absence, La Luna has left its food wagon and gone into what was once a gas station. If you are ever in Berryville at lunchtime, check it out.

Their burritos make Chipotle turn away saying, "we're not worthy."

Yes, Another Gopher Story

Believe it or not, I actually have another gopher story from Lamar. One summer day nearly 20 years ago, I was on my way to a meeting. Leaving my office in the College Residence Hall, I saw one of the groundskeepers, Tony, stomping down the gopher holes. Weird enough, but hey, I used to manage a bar. I've seen dumber things than a guy stomping down gopher holes...that was until I saw what his partner Burt was doing.

Burt was sitting on the tailgate of their running pickup with a hose going from the exhaust to a gopher hole. Yes, they were gassing gophers.

Considering how porous the soil was, I don't think they killed any gophers, but I am sure that they had some really nasty headaches.

Gophers and Whatever Else

AMC has just finished showing Caddyshack for the umpteenth million time. If you don't want to see the spoiler, don't play the video.

When I was living in Lamar, Colorado, there were a billion gophers. One day, a friend's brother hit a worm burner (low golf shot, just at the top of the grass) as a gopher was coming out of his hole. I was told the impact looked like the Zaprudder footage. Swat! Splat! Blood and gopher guts all over his ball. I often wondered if he got to clean his ball before the next shot.

Sign of the Times

It's now 12:34:56 on 7/8/9.

Yep.

More Love Songs Without Love

This one was huge when I was in college. It is still popular on Adult Contemporary stations today. And I am so sorry...



What was weird was hearing my mother-in-law sing along to this on the radio. The Twilight Zone had nothing on that moment.

Rupert Holmes said that he wanted to imagine the meeting of two lovers who, while seeking someone new, find each other after placing personal ads. Yeah, that's love.

This is my favorite of the comments on this video from youtube:

and the bar fight that ensued after he called her a whore for taking out a personal ad for some side ***k...

To me, the only question is who takes the first swing, the "whore" who took out the first ad or the "side ***k" who answered it.

Another Bar Story...

Once upon a time... it was a slow, slow night at the bar. It was getting near closing time and there was one guy hitting on a woman who was a regular customer. She was not amused. She asked me if there was anything I could do to get him to stop.

Well, I was having a hard time coming up with anything that would end his amorous advances without the possibility of escalating into a physical confrontation. She was getting upset too. She would have just assumed the guy took a quick powder on the evening. That's when it came to me...

So she's sitting at the bar, she's frustrated, he's coming up along side her to work a little of his smooth magic, I think she's about to start crying.

I come around the end of the bar. I give her a big hug from behind and say, "We'll talk about it when we get home."

You should have seen the guy run. True story!

An Open Letter to Berryville Football Coach Bobby Bishop

Dear Coach Bishop,

Bobby, we've met a couple of times, through Rotary and stuff like that. I have not been following the public school/private school dichotomy closely, but this much I think we all know. Because of a dozen factors, the Shiloh Christian Saints stand head and shoulders above nearly every football team in the state. As the old expression goes, often the second best team on any field that features the Saints is on their bench. Add into this a "win big at all costs, no quarter asked, no quarter given" attitude of their coaching staff, and disaster is in the mix.

I don't have to remind you that the Berryville quarterback was injured last year in a game against Shiloh Christian. I add this sentence for the folks who don't know. I don't know, but this young man may have lost out on the best way to pay for his college education because some other kid is out to make a name by getting hits.

So Bobby, here's my suggestion: Forfeit next year's game.

Candy-assed you say? Well, it probably is, but there are advantages to this course of action.

1. No injuries. To me, this is the biggest positive for the program right here.
2. Next year's game is in Springdale, it will save a bundle of money on travel expenses for the school district and
3. It will take gate revenue (more of an insult than economic impact) from the Shiloh Christian Athletic Department.
4. No running up the score (This assumes that the score of a forfeited game is 2-0. This is a traditional rule, but I don't know about the Arkansas Activity Association rules)
5. There will be no running up a kid's all ready inflated statistics.

I'm not talking about some namby-pamby self-esteem issue here. I'm not saying the Bobcats will feel bad about themselves because of these bullies. I am saying there is nothing good about supporting a system that encourages such flagrantly poor sportsmanship and values hurting others.

The sportsmanship of the Saint's football program is in question after their last game in Berryville. So I say take the team out for an early season banquet and to the Saints, be gone. Play some competition that is competition. Candy-assed? Sure, it probably is. But how much worse is it to support a program that encourages the destruction of other people's kids.

Oh, again, the views expressed here are strictly my own. As if that wasn't obvious.

Paul Andresen, Sports Fan and Fan of Sportsmanship

How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?

Four.

Have you seen the size of the feet on these guys? Dang!

Blogging off of the top of my head

Dear Readers,
This is an open letter responding to an email I received and a news story posted in The Carroll County News and on ky3.com. The long and the short of it, as I noted in an earlier blog post, Berryville Mayor Tim McKinney enjoys a good drink and a little toke of the ganja and was found with both behind he wheel of his truck twice inside of twelve months.

Let's start here: Bad, very bad behavior. Impaired driving--whether you're drinking, toking, texting, doing a crossword puzzle, or whatever impairs your behavior behind the wheel--is very bad behavior and in some instances criminal. These behaviors have cause death and destruction in many lives and horror in every American community. Families have been ripped apart. People walk wounded both physically and emotionally and psychologically. Choosing to drive without focusing your full and undivided attention to the task at hand is dangerous and irresponsible.

If it is time to ask if I have ever driven while impaired, let me remind you I used to manage a bar. Yes, I have. When I was in my teens, drinking and driving was a hobby, not a felony. Thank God I have personally and as a society most of us have gotten over that.

What's the difference between the mayor and me? I haven't driven while impaired by alcohol in about fifteen years or so. By other impediments, twenty-five plus. When you consider the mayor is nine years older than I am, the difference between us is twenty-five to thirty-five years.

I have learned a lesson that Mayor McKinney might have learned finally on March 18, 2009 in Johnson, Arkansas. I hope he did.

I have come not to praise Mayor McKinney--nor have I come to bury him. He has made his mistakes and he will continue to pay for them. One of the prices he pays is thirty-nine days in county. Another which may be more embarrassing is one of wagging tongues and blogging hands, my hands included.

Yesterday, I got an email from an acquaintance about the Carroll County News article and his fury over the paper's response. The email I got was originally addressed to his pastor, but he sent it to me too with the salutation: CC for your information........act accordingly.

He writes (yes, the contents of the letter were written in a bold italic font):
What about character, responsibility, accountability, fairness, the example an elected leader is displaying to the youth of the community? Not one single Pastor has opened his pie hole.....to condemn this type activities.........silence signifies acceptance of this type conduct.......no wonder less than 10% of our people attend church.......the McKinneys are winning them over to the drugs, alcohol, gambling, loaded weapons, etc. type activity!!!!

He continues:
[My wife] talked today about writing an editorial about McKinney. She read the newpaper and couldn't believe that right in the middle of the story about his arrests Anna Matthews talked about all of his accomplishments for the city. [My wife] said that his accomplishments are outweighed by the negative example and influence that he is having on our students. She said that it is a shame that the person whose picture is on the wall of one of the new buildings also has his picture in the paper for drug and alcohol abuse. Her quote, "What message are we sending?" I told her that she shouldn't write an editorial because there would be repercussions toward her. Resentment and Retalitation run strong in Carroll County in general and Berryville in Particular.

From here, he complains about things that are wrong (his opinion that I imagine is shared by many others) with the Berryville School District. Among the things he talks about is an emphasis on athletics which he believes to be excessive and a salary structure that does not reward the work of support staff.

I have several problems with this message:
First--Why send this to me? He sent this letter to his pastor writing at the end "Think of you a lot.....come by sometime or call me.....I still think you are my pastor, am I wrong?" Private correspondence looses something when it becomes widely distributed.

Second issue--Even in indignation, if your argument is with education and the education system, using the phrases "in a academic distress state" and "money is throwed" hardly benefits your point.

Third--Straw man issues and slippery slope arguments do nothing to help this either. Yes, drugs, alcohol, gambling, and loaded weapons are all community issues, but to blame them on one man is neither valid nor helpful.

Finally--I appreciate you inviting your pastor (and me after sending me a copy of this letter) to get into the fray so that you and your wife can be safe and secure in your cocoon. It's nice for you to warn us that "Resentment and Retalitation run strong in Carroll County in general and Berryville in Particular" and then run to the shadows of your email allowing your pastor to take the brunt of a community's "resentment and retaliation."

Jesus called us to be his disciples in the world. The great commission teaches us to "go and make disciples." He knew it would be dangerous, shoot, he was crucified and risen before he gave the great commission. But know this, Jesus never said, "Here's what I want you to do, it's going to be dangerous, still I want you to get out and do it. In the meantime I will be here staying here at home with the wife. I will check up on you though and if you don't make enough noise I will zip off another email. Remember--I pay you to do the heavy lifting now get out there and do it."

The message tells me to ........act accordingly. Now gentle reader, I invite you to judge whether I am acting accordingly. That's what the "comment box" is for.

May the peace of God be with us all,
Paul

I'm Just Asking...

So when did Michael Jackson begin looking like Guy Fawkes?

This image of Michael is taken from The Huffington Post.

This image of a Guy Fawkes Mask is from the cover of the comic novel "V for Vendetta" by Alan Moore and David Lloyd and was taken from Wikipedia.

Still, I'm just asking...

Rest in peace, Michael.

I'm Just Sayin...

...when we learn to love as Jesus loved then we will be able to forget who we are supposed to hate.

John and Kate Plus Manny Ramirez

Here's the J&K update: Evidently they have been separated for two years. It's not that either one was cheating on the other, they were cheating on the viewing public. This is particularly true of the Season 4 finale where they renewed their vows in Hawaii.

By this time, they were separated for one year and I would guess had no intention of reconciling. They were separated, but the vow thing in Hawaii made great TV--and that was the intent--great TV.

Shame on J&K for perpetrating this fraud. Shame on the advertisers for supporting this misrepresentation. Shame on TLC for being a willing accomplices for ratings and cash. Shame on everyone who watched it. Shame on me for milking this thing for my own purposes, whatever they are.

Where does Manny fit into this? Forty six days ago, Manny was suspended for violating Baseball's ban on "performance enhancing drugs" for the standard first violation length of 50 games. Last night ManRam returned to the minor leagues for a "rehab stint." This is allowed by Major League Baseball, by working with and playing for the Albuquerque Isotopes Manny violated no rules.

BUT here's the rub, by the time he gets back with the Dodgers the hope is he will be able to pick up where he left off, and the 'Topes will pick up some decent scratch from having Manny in the line up, even if it is for just three games. Nice suspension baseball. Keep him away...until it can make somebody extra cash.

That's the deal with John and Kate Plus Manny Ramirez, it's all about the money.

Voyeur Nation

This post is subtitled "John and Kate Separate."

A nation of voyeurs, maybe that's what we have been since the 1950's or since the first cavemen gossiped over the campfire, but that's what we are--a nation of voyeurs. The most popular "oh my God, have you heard" is the continuing saga of John and Kate. Nobody wants my take, so here it is.

Without TV, their lives would have been very different. There's a belief that you change the outcome of an event by measuring it, I wish I could remember the source on that one. In the realm of human relationships, I think this is an example of truth in that statement. Their life together changed dramatically because it was recorded and then dissected like a frog by a bored 9th grade biology student.

J&K, I hope y'all find happiness and I hope you put away a chunk of change for the kids' therapy bills.

Feeling Uneasy in my Mid-40's

All right, I didn't see this until the CMT Music Awards youtube feed on some cable news website last week. This upload is five months old, so this is nothing new to those of you who watch CMT's Crossroads program. But this is my first look, so let me rant and reminisce.

I remember when "Pour Some Sugar on Me" came out 20-some years ago. The stories of Def Leppard's debauchery were legendary. These guys put on a show on the stage and under the stage there was an entirely different version of the show...if you know what I mean.

So now, 20 years later, a girl who could have been conceived to this tune sings it on stage with the band. According to the article I read, her parents were DL fans and she was born in December 1989, so my conception suspicion may not be so far fetched.

The devil and angel on my shoulders are screaming, "Oh what these boys would have done to a tiny 19-year old in a mini dress and boots back in the day" countered with the grain that screams "Oh my God, I could have a daughter her age now, I would never let my little girl come to a Def Leppard show, and she's on stage with them."

I think every 18 year old boy knows half of what I mean and every 40 year old man knows exactly what I mean.

Damn, I'm just getting older and I'm not that old. Again I say, we mock what we are to become.

More Odd Stuff

True Story: When you pull into the Pinnacle Station gas and food store, the sign on the door says "Jesse Fox--Executive Chef." Yes, in Arkansas we have a gas station with an executive chef. There's something about getting a tank of gas, exotic cheese, pastry, and wine at the same place that I can't wrap my head around.

Next!

That's Odd

I was at my local Wal-Mart this evening. Yes, this is the second week in a row that I've been at Wally-World on a Saturday night, but that's not what's odd.

I did find it odd that the deodorant was in the "Oral Care" aisle though.

Real Time and Reel Life

Reality Television, or a reasonable facsimile there of, is a TV staple, but of course it is not real. These days, with a 24-hour news cycle, it isn't even timely. These days, "reel life" is unable to keep up with "real time." (I didn't come up with the expressions "reel time" and "reel life." I wish I had. Well, that isn't going to stop me from using them.) Examples:

• John and Kate Plus Eight--this season we have seen the clan with Emeril and with the Teutul's. There is cooking and motorcycles. Pretty good episodes with guest stars, but hardly real life for anybody. Entertainment News tells us about their alleged infidelities, spankings, and a million other things that real couples deal with everyday. The difference is that the Orange County Choppers episode was probably shot a good six months ago, and is old and stale. What's on the "news" is what viewers want to see and what may make a "special."
• Real Housewives of New Jersey--One episode deals with of the women and infertility issues. Marie and I went through this, so we have a grain of interest in this "story line." The show leaves it unresolved, in real life, she just delivered their baby. So the infertility story is a year old and resolved with a wonderful baby. The story in real time eclipsed the story in "reel time."
• The World Series of Poker--This is an annual Vegas Poker event that has mushroomed over the past 20 years or so from a single invitational tournament to a multi-national event. The good news and the bad news is that live poker is bad TV. There is drama and emotion, but without severe editing, it is horrible. So the tournament requires weeks of post production so that the hour episodes can be created. The problem with this is that the winner of the main event is known months before the show can be seen on the tube. Last year this "problem" was "solved" by delaying the game between the last ten players until months after the finalists were set; allowing "reel time" to catch up with "real time."

Friends, we have almost achieved "The Truman Show." This movie was about a man whose life was always televised for a nation's viewing enjoyment. The only difference is that it is our "news" channels and shows that bring "reel time" into "real time."

Somewhere, a journalist sheds a quiet tear.

Love, Hate, Forgiveness, Time, and Time Again

I read this from HomileticOnline.com today and it got me thinking:

Terry Anderson, a hostage for almost seven years in Lebanon, said this about forgiveness: Forgiveness isn't something that you just do and get over with -- it's a process ... What does it mean to forgive? Does it mean that I accept what they did to me? No. Does it mean I have to love them? That's what Christ said, but I'm not ready for that.

It does mean not hanging on to the anger. I'm not going to spoil the joy [of being free] by being angry. I can't hurt them by my anger -- I can only hurt myself.

--Anthony Cardinale, Anderson Tells of Struggle to Forgive Captors, The Buffalo News, 14 May 1993, C-5, as referenced by Stan Gockel, Tonawanda, New York.

This reminded me of something. About 15 years ago, two very good friends were getting divorced. They are wonderful people, and their marriage was over, and one the partners was upset with me because I didn't pick sides. Another friend described it to me like this: By not picking sides, I picked against one.

If that doesn't sound quite rational, I think that's the point too.

I have been thinking about this: It is easier to remember to love everyone than it is to try to remember who I am supposed to hate. Is this what Christ meant? Maybe so, it is certainly a practical off-shoot of his teaching. Is it easy to follow. Heavens no, this is a part of what Terry Anderson was getting at.

Scripture reminds us that anybody can love their friends, we need the love of God so that we can love our enemies. Boy, talk about a lesson that takes a lifetime to learn.

Marketing, that's right, Marketing

SI on Campus.com recently reported the "Top 10 most bizarre college memorabilia" on the list and on the shelf at our Dollar General Store you will find this little item, as described by author Darcie Baum:

10. University of Arkansas: Razorbacks gum
The Razorbacks gum is actually a good idea. No one wants to have stale beer breath at the post-game party. And what better way to freshen up and show school spirit than with your team's own chew? Save those carbs for the Beast Ice, because this gum is sugarfree!

Woo! Pig! Chewy! Razorback Gum!

Not quite right...

Yesterday I noticed something not quite right on the driver's side arm rest in our Nissan Xterra. The mirror adjusting switch not only is marked L and R, but it is also in braille. Yes, braille.

The obvious question is why does it need to be in braille? Are the blind going to be driving the Nissan Xterra? Are we going to reenact Al Pacino's driving scene from "Scent of a Woman?"

The more subtle question is this, even if reenacting Al Pacino's driving scene from "Scent of a Woman," how often do the blind check the mirrors?

Ironic Iconic

Today I had a fortune cookie with my breakfast (really, I did). It read: "It is a sunny day."

Well, let me tell you, there is a 50% chance of thunderstorms at my house. There is a good chance that some of those storms will have hail. I have all ready heard thunder. There's a storm cell bearing down on us from Oklahoma. The temp is 72 and 66 is the dew point. In short, the meteorologist would not call this a sunny day.

Still, I am reminded of the old Steeley Dan lyric, "When the demon is at your door, In the morning he won't be there no more, Any major dude will tell you, Any major dude will tell you."

Always darkest before the dawn. There's thunder on the horizon and it is a sunny day. I guess it's all in what you're looking at and looking for. Or maybe what you're looking at. There is good to be had. Somewhere, it is a sunny day. That is where hope lies.

The Wilkinson Sword--Ick!

The US version of this ad is not quite so flagrant in its visuals. When I saw the US version the first time, it began to dawn on me that the way the bushes are trimmed are way that... well, you know.

The difference between the UK and US versions is the "topiary in progress."

But if you want to see something truly different, check out the expanded version of this ad:



"Tulips on the mound." Yeah... I guess.

Remembering Hockey--Working the Man Trough

In the early 90's, for little good reason at all, I spent a weekend in San Diego. Friday night, I went to the San Diego Sports Arena to catch playoff action between the San Diego Gulls and the Fort Wayne Comets of the American Hockey League. It was a good game, but the hometown Gulls went down to defeat in the end.

The worst part of the evening were the young fans sitting behind me cursing and yelling at the players. Near the end of the evening, I went to the bathroom and they had a long trough, the man trough. (Not nearly enough time to cover the etiquette of the man trough, but that is post-worthy.) I was settling into my place, and the kids from behind me stormed into the bathroom.

They were still yelling and cursing. Finally, their diatribe went to this: "F___ Fort Wayne, F___ Texas." After they left, we were all staring at the wall (again, the etiquette) and wondering what that was all about.

Then, some guy asked, "Do you think they meant Fort Worth?"

Yes, there was laughter at the man trough.

Two by Two

David Carradine and Koko Taylor have died. I loved her music, she had a joie de vie that was out of this world. Carradine was a controversial choice for Kung Fu (gee, an anglo playing a Chinese man, who would complain about that in the 70's?), and he was great in Kill Bill.

Koko died coming out of surgery. Carradine was hanging. (I use the imperfect for him because again, there is controversy.)

I remember when he died I hoped he did not die like Michael Hutchence, the lead singer for INXS who was playing a game of coupe de corde when he died. When I heard she died after surgery I hoped it wasn't weight reduction.

God bless you both.

Costly Humor

Flipping channels, I lighted on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" for just a moment. The challenge: Eating nasty stuff. In a Venus vs. Mars style challenge, Torri Wilson and one of the Baldwin Brothers (really, I can't tell them apart) were eating three small squares of raw tripe. Not only did they have to eat it, tripe was described to them in no uncertain terms before they popped it in their mouths.

Torri Wilson said, "I just wish they would stop describing it to me, I just tried to pretend it was some kind of delicatessen."

She meant "delicacy" and misspoke. Whoops. Yes, I laughed, but I'm not so proud of that.

Why does Fox have to show us the opening rounds of American Idol? When the judges see someone we who watch on TV know one thing--the singer is either going to be great or they are going to be a disaster.

But you know what, these people come in to audition with high hopes and everyone is either confident or deluded enough to think they have a shot. We swoon over the confident and laugh at the deluded--at their expense.

The worst part is that everyone who is called in to the panel of judges thinks they are the best--they think they have a shot and are excited to show off. But for our amusement their dreams are shot down.

Can't we make TV a no-fly zone? American Idol, So You Think You've Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, all of you talent shows; please, let's quit setting people up to get crushed for my entertainment.

One other note: This doesn't apply to "America's Funniest Home Videos" because these folks send in the videos themselves. They're willing to put their pain and embarrassment on TV for a shot at up to $100,000.00. When you do this to yourself, I think you give me permission to laugh.

Cleanliness Is Next to My Car

The other morning I had t to take Marie to the hospital. She had fallen and we worried that she had broken the fall with her leg, so we went for an X-Ray. I take her in, in a wheelchair of course, and went to park the car. (Don't worry, Marie is fine--but she has a bruise that makes her knee look like a cyclops with a smiley face!)

On the way to a parking space, I almost parked in a space where there was a dirty diaper. It was just sitting in the parking lot, and it wasn't even sealed well so you could definitely tell it was a dirty diaper.

I went back to the ER window and told the woman at the desk that there was a "Junior Trucker Bomb" in the parking lot. She sent someone from "Environmental Services" to go take care of that.

Yes, it was gone before we went back to the car.

I love "Junior Trucker Bomb."

Election Controversy

For once, this isn't a duel between Republicans and Democrats; this controversy is between Glam Rockers and Singer-Songwriters. It's a battle between Conway, Arkansas and San Diego, California.

People.com reports that AT&T Cellular folks taught people in Conway how to power text. They also reported that there was similar monkey business in San Diego, but this was from independent fans, not a conglomerate.

Folks, can't we all just get along?

Nekked People

Carrie Prejean, reigning Miss California, Miss America Runner Up, and opponent to gay marriage went on the Today Show last week. Matt Lauer asked her if there were any other nude or semi-nude photos of her floating around out there. She said that there may well be if some photographer took pics of her without her knowledge or permission.

I really hope that some Vanessa Williams circa 1981 style shots appear, published with accompanying model release documentation. I know it's better to kill with kindness, but holier than thou just bothers me.

An Example of How My Father Was Right

In my last blog, I talked about my Dad and Family Systems Theory. Let me just point out that even though I thought his decision about not sharing all of his family was not good for the family, he wasn't always wrong. He told all of us to wear underwear.

Embedded video from CNN Video

So this girl gets her yearbook and discovers that she is on display for all to see. The School says it's not her euphemism, it's a shadow. Her mother says the school should recall and republish the yearbook. The girl says that she didn't wear panties to school that day because she didn't want panty lines.

Forget about asking why she was allowed to leave the house without panties! It's the obvious question, but I think there is one better. Shouldn't we be asking someone why a high school junior is wearing something to school that causes her to worry about panty lines?

High school sure has changed since I graduated almost 30 years ago.

Family Systems Theory Biggest Drawback

In Seminary, I learned about Family Systems Theory from the Rev. Dr. Will Spong. He showed us how to make histograms, a sort of family tree thing. But there was one caveat missing from his discussion, he never said "this works only if you know the truth about your family."

You see, I grew up the middle-child only-son. There are a lot of family systems dynamics that are affilliated with these two things. My only problem is that this wasn't true.

For my 30th birthday, I got two older half brothers. My younger sister was moving back to the small town where I was born and where all of this takes root. My father figured the past would no longer be the past so he decided to tell us on his terms rather than have my sister figure it out on her own.

He kept his first family a secret because he figured blended families never worked out, so he wasn't even going to try to get it to work. To us, they never existed. His error in all of this was to believe that keeping his other family from us would make it as if they never existed. This didn't work out and I believe it was an error. Even if it didn't work out, at least the lie was out in the open.

There was a constant undertow of something just beneath the surface, I could sense that I didn't have all of the facts. Sure, I never knew what was going on, but I always knew there was something.

So suddenly I figure out that in my father's eyes I was never middle-child only-son. I was four-of-five youngest-son. These have vastly different dynamics. My mother was kind of caught in the middle of this as she had to deal with step-children whom she would never see, but by my father were intricately connected to her life.

The Family System that I thought existed didn't. Welcome to the drawback to the system, we don't always know the whole truth, even about our families of origin.

John & Kate + Video Tape

The alternate name for this post is "Sex, Lies, and John & Kate"

An open letter to anyone who really wants to put their family on TV,

Haven't we learned by now that this is a bad idea? Let's start at the nearly beginning. Let's start with PBS' "An American Family." This idea of a show involved cutting 300 hours of videotape into twelve shows. The last episode coped with the son coming out of the closet (something the audience would "know" before the folks) and Mom asking Dad for a divorce and leaving the house. While the Loud's (is there a better TV family name?) didn't divorce until 2002, can we all agree that the stress of life and video gets to human beings?

Hummmm, let's see the track record of real-life couples on TV.

Nick and Jessica--Nope
Danny and Gretchen--Sorry
Travis and Shanna--Swing and a miss

Well, that's it for the top of my head. So dear TV couple, I beg you not to get a life. You have a life. May you have a wonderful, glorious, blessed life. But please don't put your normal life on TV. The moment you do, it is no longer your life, and that would be a shame.

Just ask Kate's bodyguard. No, not for purient details, just ask him why Kate needs a bodyguard.

Because Common Sense Isn't So Common

Once, long ago, as many of you know, I managed a bar in Westport, the party area of Kansas City. The night that KU won the NCAA Men's College Basketball Tournament at Kemper Arena in Kansas City, a man left the deck of my bar and went onto the roof of the bar next door. I followed him, and with his back turned to me, I saw the tell-tale sign of a man unzipping his jeans. So I say, "Hey, you can't uninate off of the roof of The Lone Star."

He said, "Well I didn't see a sign that said I couldn't."

Marie told me on Saturday that it is now illegal in Boston to operate a train and send a text message at the same time. I have one question and one answer:

Q: Do we really need a law against this? I mean do we really need it?

A: Obviously we do.

Friends, it is time to look beyond the ends of our noses and see that there are some things that we can do that we shouldn't. As St. Paul once said, "All things are legal for me, but not all things are beneficial."

Now only if banks and instestment speculators would get the point.

Happy Mother's Day

Thanks Mom.

The Common and the Uncommon

Gene Wojciechowski of ESPN.com writes a story of Marine Staff Sargeant Tony Wojciechowski in this column. The two men nicknamed Wojo are not related, but the story of the Sargeant made the sportswriter think about things more important than sports. Gene Wojo writes:

I'm trying to honor a 25-year-old soldier from Union Township, Ohio, instead of writing about point shaving at the University of Toledo, or Brett Favre's latest comeback saga, or Manny Ramirez's suspension. There are lots of those stories, but only one Tony Wojo.

I'm a big fan of the absurd and the wide, wide world of sports. But somedays, it's better to think about the stories of life that are far more important than Manny on Clomid.

God bless you Tony Wojo. God bless your family and friends. God bless those who you served with. God bless those who continue to serve.

What Have We Learned Today?

So close, so very, very close, but Bristol Palin has just closed the barn door after the horse became a baby-mama. From the Associated Press:

Bristol Palin, arguably the nation's best-known unwed teen mother, embarked on a media tour Wednesday to argue that abstinence is a realistic way for teens to avoid unwanted pregnancy--a view not shared by the father of her infant son.

A few paragraphs later, the boy friend says abstinence "is not realistic for many young people today." Just between you and me, isn't that what many, many boys would say? Again, just between you and me, doesn't that make him sound like an insensitive oaf? One more time, just between you and me, doesn't he sound like a baby-daddy who can't keep himself in his pants?

His dumb quote from the aricle:

"Abstinence is a great idea," Johnston said. "But I also think you need to enforce, you know, condoms and birth control and other things like that to have safe sex. I don't just think telling young kids, 'You can't have sex,' it's not going to work."

Does he sound like every hormone driven bearer of the Y-chromosone or is it just me?

Palin goes on to say that if she did not have her baby, she would be off at college (out-of-state), hanging out with friends, and so on. This much is so, but do we need another single teen mother to prove this to us? Shoot, we don't even need another Lifetime movie to prove this to us!

What Palin doesn't say, is that if she didn't have her baby; she would have broken up with this slob of a guy (sure, I don't know him personally, but if this quote is any indication...), gone to college, found another guy (I'll even give her the benefit of experience and say she meets a much better guy than her last boyfriend), and had more sex with various amounts of protection. (Palin said she and the baby-daddy didn't always use protection, so I presume this contraceptive behavior based on previous contraceptive behavior.)

What I'm asking is, if it takes a baby to teach you teen preganacy sucks, have you really learned anything at all?

Follow this link for the full text of the Associated Press story.

Another Local Sign

The Main Liquor Store in Berryville, Arkansas has one of those signs that allows them to put up a message or the daily special or whatnot. Today it says...

REMEMBER

MOM

You know, without context, that could mean a lot of different things...

Meeting the Moderator

Last night, I was in Springfield for a town hall meeting with the Moderator of the PC(USA)'s 218th General Assembly, Bruce Reyes-Chow. It was truly an enjoyable evening.

There were two things he said that interested me.

1. The affinity groups, groups of folks who organize themselves around a specific issue, don't see him as a player so they ignore him... and he's all right with that.
2. He sees a future in the church where polity and policy discussion is taken more on an issue by issue basis than it is a "party line" basis.

When I was in high school, in the late 70's, my government teacher told us to find a political party you agreed with and work within the party because that's the way government works in America. Well, Mr. Sparks might have been right in the 70's, but this way of doing government is falling by the wayside in America...and in the PC(USA).

Bruce said that people will occasionally ask him "how can you work with those people?" The answer then becomes "I agree with them on this matter." It becomes necessary to develop relationships, not coalitions to follow and further the kingdom. Our adversary style of polity assures that the minority opinion is heard, but it seems now that affinity may be becoming a thing of the past.

Proof of that became clear by the comments of two men who were at the last General Assembly. One talked about folks who "wore the same stoles and travelled in packs" and another talked about a small group who became friends at the Assembly who did not travel in theological lockstep and remain friends working as companions in ministry.

Guess which one has travelled the highways and byways of the denomination for 30-40 years and which one was a college student. If there is hope in the chruch, it is in those who see beyond single issues and see the kingdom. It is better to see the way than the rock in the road.

Thanks Bruce, thanks to the John Calvin Presbytery, thanks to First and Calvary Presbyterian Church in Springfield. It was a great evening.

Amendment B Fails

For a bit of background, please refer to this post: 110th Mmeeting of the Arkansas Presbytery.

Presbyterian Outlook Magazine has reported that the Presbyterian Church (USA) has defeated Amendment B, the amendment allowing ordination and installation of GLBT Deacons, Elders, and Ministers of Word and Sacrament.

What do I say about this? I say that the sun will rise tomorrow. I say that this should come as no great shock. I say that I am disappointed, but this will not change the fact that the church I serve will remain a part of the Presbyterian Church (USA).

Again, let me quote the Reverend Jeff Parker of First Rogers, Arkansas quoting the Book of Ruth telling the assembly, "Regardless of the outcome 'Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God.'"

Straight, gay, ordained, lay, we are all the children of God. Siblings don't always get along, but we can never forsake nor be forsaken by God our Father. That is where our joy must be, not in the outcome of any amendment to the Book of Order. Peace be with us all and God bless us everyone.

Come and See it before YouTube Yanks it.

Shepherd Smith says torture is wrong on FoxNews and America is better than that. Let's just say at the 0:38 mark in the video he makes himself perfectly clear.

New Word Alert!

You read it here next (not first) yesterday: Blognore, it's my new word. In truth it has existed online since April 2006, or that's where I found it in a google search. Hence, I must give credit to the oldest citation of "blognore" I can find on the Internet, the Deep_Thoughts blog by The_Girl_From_Ipanema.

Blognore, verb: "to ignore something by not blogging about it."

Example, Mike Tyson said he could understand Chris Brown hitting his girlfriend, R&B singer Rihanna. Does the universe really require additional comment on comments this stupid from someone who abused his wife and did time for rape? I say no. Chris Brown-Dummy. Mike Tyson-Convicted Dummy. I blognore you. Next.

This is the way I use to blognore. Of course, by creating this example, I have effectively not blognored. Darn it! To blognore properly, no one can ever be really sure you have blognored at all.

T_G_F_I uses the verb to mean "to ignore someone and/or the work of someone in the blogosphere." Another wonderful definition. Her blog uses this context:

Gaurav,
You are a horrible fellow! I will "blognore" you. Yes, doing better, thanks for asking.

This can lead to other great words like, blognorance.

Blognorance, noun: The quality of knowledge and information created by the blogosphere.

Example: Me commenting on Middle East peace policy and its ramifications in world oil markets would add significantly to the quality and quantity of blognorance in the world.

Just for more useless information, this morning the word "blognore" generates eight hits on Google, "blognorance" gets 157 hits. Together we can make this happen!

Now That's Worth Posting!

It's been a while since I've posted, I pretty much feel like I've used up all of my words for a while, so I haven't written about a lot of really stupid things.

For example...

• I chose to blognore Hulk Hogan saying he can relate to O.J. What a dummy.


• I am blognoring Apple's iPhone App Store's stocking and then eliminating the "Shake a Baby" application.


• I am even blognoring the NFL Draft, mainly because the Chefs (er, that's Chiefs) seem to have blown the third pick in the draft.

This is what I have chosen to write about, a Chicago Cubs themed columbarium. Yes, that's right. If you've waited 100 years to see the Cubbies win the World Series, now you can wait an eternity with other fans. The Cubs may be cursed, but God must love Cubs fans.

Photo by Wayne Drehs for espn.com

Another Flawed Product Name

Condom maker Trojan has just introduced a new product called "Trojans2Go."

Frankly, I always thought of condoms as a "to go" kind of purchase. Imagine that conversation at your local drugstore.

Signs of Truth

You may have received these images before of a Catholic and Cumberland Presbyterian church arguing whether "All Dogs Go to Heaven." I have gotten it three times from three different folks, and it never ceases to amuse me.

Honestly, I think it's hilarious!

There's one thing though...it's not real. For details, check out this urban legend website.

These signs were created by someone using the Church Sign Generator. Honestly though, knowing this was not a conversation held between two competing churches in the real world does not make a difference to me.

People often complain that churches fight over the dumbest things when the Body of Christ should focus on issues of poverty, justice, and service to the Lord. People say that churches should stop navel-gazing into the occupants of heaven and instead seek the Lord and live as resdients of the Kingdom of God on Earth.

The people who say Christians are hypocrites have a hay-day with stuff like this.

Let's all laugh at this, because it's funny. But only when we live our lives so that the Lord thinks this is funny-instead of being all so true-will the last laugh not be on us.

42

Wednesday was Jackie Robinson day in Major League Baseball. Years before Brown vs. The Board of Education, years before the mess in Little Rock, years before George Wallace on the steps of the University of Mississippi; Jackie Robinson was the first African-American man to play in the Major Leagues.

As a memorial, about 15 years ago, every major league team retired his number, 42. Having your number retired is the greatest honor an individual can receive in a team sport. It is the team's way of saying "the impact you made is so important, no one else will ever be identified with this number."

On Wednesday, this rule was bent into a pretzel. On Wednesday, everyone wore the number 42. Everyone. So great was Robinson's impact that to celebrate the anniversary of this first game, everyone in the majors wore this retired number.

Gestures mean a lot, these gestures mean a lot. Douglas Adams said that the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything was 42. It seems like the question could be "what is the most important number in race relations."

Before politics, before education, even before a lot of lunch counters, there was the Dodgers infield. Whenever anyone asks "what is the value of sports?" This has to be a part of the answer.

The Pope Has a Point

The Associated Press reports this from the Pope's Easter message...

Pope Benedict XVI said Sunday that reconciliation was the only way to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and said the entire world needed to rediscover hope to end wars, poverty and financial turmoil.

Well, you can't go wrong playing the hits. Happy Easter--He is risen, He is risen indeed.

Thanks be to God for Those Who Help

Last night, after the Tennebrae Service, Marie and I went to Sonic. (Who ever thought of putting a Frito Pie in a tortilla should get the Nobel prize for gluttony!) Getting ready to leave, the XTerra would not start. Yes, the brand spanking new-used vehicle died.

Fortunately, our Sonic is next door to an auto parts store. I told the guy I had a dead battery so he handed me a charger. Well, it didn't have the juice to turn over the truck. So our car-hop came out of the restaurant and asked if I needed a jump. She said if I had cables, she could give it a go. I have cables so it was off to the races.

As she pulled up to the truck, a guy in an H-3 jumped out to help. I hooked up the dead one and he hooked up the live one and Marie turned the thing over. Hooray! Praise God! By this time, the auto parts guy was looking for his porta-battery and took it back to the store. He didn't even try to sell me a battery!

Today, it started right up, but I took it to another auto parts store in town. They charged it and checked it and it was dead. So they sold me a battery and cable grease and so on. The sales guy even helped me install it in their parking lot. That's service!Now it starts and runs like a champ.

Why did I go to another auto parts store, becuase if the sales guy didn't want my money last night, he wasn't going to get another shot, especially since his porta-battery didn't work. This is where I recomment AutoZone and not mention the other store. (No, it wasn't WalMart.)

I also want to thank the guy who jumped out of the H-3. But the biggest thanks goes to the waitress who pulled her truck around to jump mine. Yes, she did get an extra tip.

Thanks again to everyone who helped last night and this morning. Praise be to God!

Miracles and Lurking

Let me draw your attention to the "Live Traffic Feed" box from Feedjit on the right hand side of your screen. This little add-on allows everyone to see the source of traffic to a particular website. In the last week or so, I've gotten a lot of hits from a thread on politicalcrossfire.com.

It may not be polite to lurk, but I have and have loved the comments found on this thread.

First of all, I love you people. There is some passion in this thread that I miss. You folks are great.

On another note, the discussion has taken a turn into the arena of "miracles." I like this take on miracles which comes from a sermon called "Here's Your Sign." The illustration below references the Peabody Award winning Futurama episode “Godfellas” by Ken Keeler.

"Futurama" is a television show produced by the creator of “The Simpson’s.” It’s about a man, Philip J. Frye, who was accidentally frozen in a cryogenic lab at midnight on December 31, 1999 and thawed 1,000 years later. In the episode titled “Godfellas,” Frye’s best friend and roommate, a robot named Bender, is accidentally shot from a space ship’s torpedo tube while it’s traveling at maximum velocity. Since Bender is moving faster than the ship’s top speed, there is no way to catch up and rescue him. Bender floats through space until he passes through an asteroid field and accidentally accumulates a microscopic civilization on his stomach (or what passes for a stomach on a robot), which declares him God, and worships him despite his constant inability to provide for their needs.

After the civilization that lived on Bender destroyed itself, he was distraught. Then he found an eternal omnipotent presence, the cartoon equivalent of the god of the universe. Bender shares his lament with the greater power. He says that no matter what he did, he could not help them. He did something, it didn’t work. He did nothing, and that didn’t work either. Then Bender learned the lesson of quality miracles from the being, “When you’ve done something right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.”

I like this, do we need heavy handed miracles or a Lord who prefers to steer us gently? I like the Lord that works so gently we won't be sure God has done anything at all. As for me, I prefer relationship to manipulation.

BTW, that "Homeland Security Since 1492" t-shirt is great!

More Fat Music

I actually own the 45 of this song by Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band with The Rootettes.

Please, it was a gift. But come on, it is a great groove.

College Stories

Thanks be to God that I am a better man now than I was twenty-five years ago. A case in point...

When I was at university, I took the midnight to 2:00 am shift on Monday night/Tuesday morning (this actually has meaning in the next paragraph) at the college radio station. This was in the days of dime-draws and an 18 year old drinking age. (How any of us survived is a mark of the sovereignty of God.)

I ended up with what is either the last shift on Monday the 13th or Tuesday the 14th of February. Well, I was breaking up with a girlfriend and was in a sarcastic mood. So what did I do, I played two straight hours of break up songs. I had the first shift on Valentines Day and I played two straight hours of heart wrenching music. I started with Genesis singing "Misunderstanding" and went from there. This hit by the Atlanta Rhythm Section is one of the many I played over those two hours.

It was not a good night.

What was funny? A couple of days later I was told a group of my fraternity brothers who knew me well were listening. Suddenly one of them got up and said he was going to call in a request. The others told him to sit down. Paul's on a roll tonight, we're going to ride the wave.

They had been drinking. At least I had not. After all, it was tough to run the board after a bunch of dime draws.

As John Astin said time and time again on the TV show Night Court:

"But I'm much better now."

Today I am happily married--coming on twelve years. As for her, while I don't know what has come of her over the years, I hope and pray she's doing great. But I won't mention her name so as not to embarass her.

...or me.

More Church Signs

This is the church sign I put up for this Sunday...

SportsCenter

Have I ever told you I love sports?

Glazed and Confused

This is sick. By the way, the title to this posting comes from the article on ESPN.com, I did not come up with it. The good news is the proceeds benefit the North Carolina Children's Hospital. I love it!

Because, not Despite

This morning I am reminded of a sermon from about three years ago on John 3:14-21:

While we are still sinful creatures, God gave his only begotten Son for us, for all of creation. Indeed, God did not send the Son to the world to condemn it, but in order that it might be saved through him. This is my point; I do not believe that God loves the world in spite of itself. I do not believe that spite has any place in God’s perfect love.

Last Thursday, Darryl Littlejohn was formally charged in the brutal murder of 24-year-old Imette St. Guillen in Brooklyn. The horrid nature of her death made headlines. In an interview with Littlejohn’s mother, she told reporters that she loves her son. She did not try to say he was innocent. She did not try to apologize for what happened to St. Guillen. She did not try to explain away the crime. She said nothing about the crime. Instead, she simply said she loves her son.

This must have been difficult. This is such a heinous crime. It might have been tempting to say “my son could not have done this.” With such a shocking crime, the family of Miss St. Guillen might have hoped for condemnation of Mr. Littlejohn by everyone—including his mother. But Mrs. Littlejohn did not say she loves her son in spite of what he is accused of doing, but because of who he is—her son. This crime has nothing to do with her love of her son. His sins, his transgressions do not change her love for her child.

I do not want to offend our sensibilities and compare our lives to that of an arraigned murder suspect. It is tempting to thank God that none of us has ever been so depraved that we would even consider such a dreadful deed. It is tempting to take solace in the thought that we are not “that bad.” But I want us to consider this from a different perspective. Don’t consider the crime of the son, but the love of the mother.

Our Heavenly Father loves us in the way Littlejohn’s mother loves him. A love which exists not despite who we are, but because of who we are, sons and daughters. Even in our most atrocious humanity, God does not forsake us.

This rings with me this morning. May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.